Stopped by to say Hello!

[Austykatie]

I know I haven't been here for awhile so I thought I would stop by and say a quick Hello! 

 

Things have been so crazy busy and the days and weeks seem like they just keep passing me by, with that being said I feel like time stands still! I know that doesn't make much sense to anyone but that is the best way to describe it for me.

 

I have been keeping busy with my job, I can't believe I have been there for almost 9 months now! It is very time consuming but I really love what I do and my staff that I work with has become my second family! I am sure that I will never leave there and it works out so well with our schedule. I work from home about 2-3 days a week and usually 2 days at the office. I love that I get to be home with the kids especially since summer is coming. 

 

Back in January I found out my oldest sons' girlfriend was expecting a baby. He will be turning 18 in July and she just turned 17. Not the most ideal situation and it hit me like a ton of bricks. My mood and mind were at a very bad place again for awhile and I couldn't function. Now however I have to say with some time to process everything I am very excited to welcome my new baby Grand-daughter into this world in September, I got to see her on the ultrasound last week and it made it all real for me. She is a blessing and I truly believe she is a gift. God has a reason for everything and he wants us to have a baby back in this house! My son has been working full-time and going to school. He will be a senior next year and is determined to graduate. I am so proud of him for really taking action and acting like an adult and owning up to his decisions. 

 

My other 2 children are doing good as well. Tyler has had some vomiting episodes but with fingers crossed has not had to be admitted to the hospital in over a year! We have come such a long way with his illness. He is very excited to be starting high school next year and is trying really hard to get up to speed and on the same level with kids his age. This is a huge struggle for him as he has Autism and a developmental delay but at least he is trying his hardest. I am so very proud of him. My daughter Kaitlyn has come along way also, my kids just amaze me everyday how well they are doing. She did say to me the other day however "Mama, is it okay if I miss my JimBob (her nickname for him) today? I just want to be sad but only for today". Sometimes I am so wrapped up in my grief I forget about theirs. It just broke my heart that she was asking if it was okay to be sad. Again I am so proud of my babies!

 

Okay so we all know I have the gift of gab, I will try and drop in more if I can. I see there are alot of new faces and that just breaks my heart. So many losses. I wish I could be here more often to support others like I was when I first came to this group. 

 

Its been 1 year and 3 months yesterday since I lost Jim. I had a major meltdown tonight after I woke up from a nap. I am not sure if its from maybe dreaming and not knowing it or what, but the wave of sadness I had was so strong. I talked to a friend of mine for a while on the phone and that really helped. I feel like I have been having more and more of those days lately, however this time of the month is so hard for me. 

 

Ohh and I am not sure if I told ya'all but I went to the place where they found Jims' body 9 weeks after his drowning. I finally was brave enough last month to go their. It was alot different than I thought it would be. I thought I would feel his presence there but I didn't and I was angry because I never feel him and thought for sure it was because he was there at the river. I have decided that maybe since he is not with me he is with the kids, that is why they are doing so well with their grief?

 

Okay enough of my soap box!

 

Peace and love to all!

[widower2]

Hey AK good to hear from you - lots going on I see.  Hope to see you around chattin sometime