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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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My original message will remain on here so that maybe someone will see it and perhaps see what there death by suicide could cause there loved ones... But I wanted to update all those who have been kind enough to help me through this horrible year. My brother killed himself on November 25 2007 .. I have since dealt with more pain than i thought i could ever bare,, I have a second brother who has attempted sucide since that date. he was involved in the fight that took place at the funeral. his wife has admitted to me recectly that the familys treatment of me and my not being around to greive with him has made him even more unreachable.I was ask if i would come to thanksgiving dinner and let healing begin in our family. I would like you to all pray for my brother and I as this is a major step to forgiving our brother, and for me as i have been hurt by the family all admit to there wrong doing and I have chosen for my well being and my surviving brother we must move forward,, (original message follows) It has been almost 1 year and I can not seem to get over my brothers sucicide... It tore my family in to peices . there is no longer a family... how do I move on and forgive him for causing so much pain and tormoil???????we were not the closest family before this,,but now because of the grief we were going through there was a horrific fight at funeral involving my family and my brothers x wife . the police showed up and kicked everyone out except my husband and I . I would not get involved because you see he was being cremated and we only had 45 mins to spend with him.To my surprise everyone except my dad (who left before the police showed up .)they have all disowned me. I tried to reason with them that fighting would not rewind what had happened or bring my brother back , they say I had no loyality .. I have not really gotten to grieve because i have been consumed with the anger.. please someone help...................email me if you can help me... terryregina@yahoo.com

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Regina,

I'm going to move this post to the suicide thread and it will be seen by more people.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through - but I'm glad you found Beyond Indigo forums!

Dawn

Beyond Indigo

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:(:(:(..so sorryy..I lost my son micheal on 11/2/2007 and I think about him and miss him more and more everyday...its so hard to move on knowing you'll never see someone who you loved so much ever again....It's a constant rollercoaster ride...up and down..up and down.....I pray everyday day and ask god to lead my son....I hope hes ok.....and hope to see him when I leave this earth...

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I am so sorry for your loss. you are right about the rollercoaster ride.. I just can't believe he is gone and I get angery at myself for not seeing how sad he was. I pray for my living brother that his therapist and the rest of us can make him see that we need him as much as he and I need Ronnie.. pray for us I will pray for you//

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I think that suicide is the worst way for person to lose a loved one...I as a mother will never get over the fact that I too did'nt see how sad my son was....It will live in my heart forever and ever....It's been a year..and sometimes it dawns on me....at the most unusual times...I guess it'll take quite some time before It actually sets in....you are in my thoughts and prayers....take care..jackie

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Yes i know that suicide is the hardest greif. to go thru. I wonder everyday how can you love someone so much and then leave them behind without answers . I know my brother loved me dearly and I him. yet he decided that the love of his family was not enough reason to stay around. I have hit some very low points in the last year since his death but i always stop and think how his death has affected myself and the rest of my family and I know that I have to continue on no matter how bad the pain is,, I am sure you know what I mean, I too will hold you and your family in my prayers. thank you for your kind thoughts.. Regina

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Name is Kim-

I'm not a parent, but I have lost 2 good friends and my uncle to suicide this year. I don't know if there really is anything that can truly help us, but time its self. I also kick myself around wondering what I missed seeing, what I over looked..things like that...and then I remember what a friend I was to them, and how much my uncle knew I loved him and it doesnt make me sad..it makes me curious. But, I hope that neither of you feel like it was your fault, because it wasnt. If you really loved the person and they knew that, then you did your job. It only hurts so much because you DO love them....I hope this makes sense and you can grab something from it.

I pray that you all will be able to pick yourselves up, and be strong for yourself and others. I pray that you end up knowing that you did nothing wrong and free will is free will. And I also pray that you can soon be happy again, and keep them as a wonderful memory, and be ok with that.

 

Take care!!

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Dear Kim,  Thank you so much,, I do know that my brother knew how much I loved him and that is what hurt the most, but you are right about free will. but at times like this one free will sucks... I wish I had been able to say something to bring him around but sometimes in life love just isn't enough to keep them here. I know that his pain and suffering are over now. and that mine will have to continue on . I have learned that the ones that love me can rest ussured I am not leaving this world without a fight. I dont always enjoy life but I do always want to be remembered as a fighter. thanks again for your kind words. and I am so sorry to hear of your losses. I have another brother who has tried to commit sucicide since our older brothers death and I have been warned of the follow the leader complex. I hope your friends and loved ones see that easy way is not always the best way.

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We have to just make it thru one day at a time.. thats what I have learned to do.. I know that everyone wishes for peace on earth this time of year . I to wish for that but most of all I wish for peace in the hearts of all those grieving for loved ones lost. and For peace in the hearts of those who think life is to hard...

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My brother killed himself one year ago today.  It must have been really hard for you in the last couple of weeks.  I know today is going to be difficult for me.  The best outlet is for me to go out and party with my friends today and hope that I can make it through the day with happy thoughts....if I can find them. 

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cheyenne-

I'm really sorry that happened. I do remember what is was like when another friend of mine killed himself...and Jan 3rd will make 2 years...The first yr is deff. the hardest but it DOES get easier.  Thats what I have to keep telling myself now. & the happy thoughts are there...you just gotta dig realllllllllly deep.

 

All of this just makes me want to live my life to the fullest even more. To live for those who no longer do...you know?

 

((hugs))

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I am sorry about your friend ,, and yes this first year has been terrible. I have had lots of anger,and so much sadness.But your right about the happy memories.. if you have face book or my space I am on both and there are some wonderful pics of my wedding with my brother in them it was the last time we were together as a family. he actually was carring my wedding cake back in the house after the ceremony and he dropped it but caught my Knife and he turned around and looked at me and said Sissy I saved your Knife.. I was laughing so hard. and we got it in pics to see forever. it really was one of the funniest things I have ever seen, thank you for your thoughts . and I hope you get to see the pics .. he is adorable looking at me holding the cake plate and knife and the cake on the ground... He was a great man, and I am so glad I found Beyond Indigo It has helped me so much,, :D

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yep. I have a myspace and facebook. You are welcome to add both if you wish but i cant figure out how to get my facebook info to you lol..if you can figure it out then add me.."Kim Stolar"

(lol ignore the url thing...i hate it..my cousin made it) anyway- myspace- kimmerbearz027

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:cool: Thank you all for your prayers and wonderful emails and replys to my original posts... I did go to thanksgiving dinner at my living brothers house. we went out alone and had a wonderful talk. He and I are working on rebuilding our lives .. I have ask him to promise me to not ever leave me the way Ronnie left us. (see how do i forgive) and since the dinner, I have received emails from his wife and children telling me that he is coming back around to the Man they all knew before our brother's death and they said it was because he no longer felt like he had lost me as well as Ronnie, Before I went there I prayed and ask God to heal our hearts. and He has begun that process. For Myself and my brother.. We still have a long way to go,and I know that we will never be the same ,yet I know that if I trust God he will repair our relationship. I still have my moments frequently of anger and disbelief that all this has happened, I just try to replace the anger with a good thought of my brother in life.. it helps it really does. I have many of you to thank for getting me thru what has been the hardest year of my life, as  I said I had very few family members and my Husband to turn to. So thank you all for helping me make it thru and giving me the strength to trust God to heal my family,,,,hugs and prayers to all who have helped... Thank you   (todays a good day)  Regina Greene

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I just read your post.  It sounds so typical of the situation my family is in, without the physical fight.  My brother took his life about a couple of days ago....a year ago.  There have been severe problems with my parents and sister with one of my brother's ex-wife.  I can only hope that your family, like mine, can stand up and reconcile the situation as adults.  We are the ones that are still alive and for ourselves we must do so.    Moreover...everyday is a sad day.  This whole bit about getting over it never happens.  I would imagine that the pain you felt before your brother's death is similiar to the pain you suffer now.  That has been my case.  It was just as painful seeing my brother go through what he went through before it came to an end.  Nothing has changed.  We just have to pull our socks up, and keep our damn heads up....and carry those along side us that can't keep up for theirselves. 

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aurora   

My brother and sister had not spoken for 46 yrs. until my husband killed himself. My brother picked my sister up at the airport and said, "Whatever is between us is over now." They have been close since then. Miracles do happen. It's too bad it took my husband's suicide to bring them together. I am still alienated from my husband's family and I will be spending my third Xmas alone. You are right, you never get over this. For me it has not gotten easier, it has become a part of my life. I die in my heart, soul and spirit everyday at the loss of my beloved husband. Nothing consoles me. I've come to believe that people leave me out of their lives because they are uncomfortable around me. They don't know what to say and by association they don't want to be around anybody that has been touched that closely by suicide. One of my therapists said it was up to me to educate others and make them comfortable around me. At this point it still seems like too much effort to cater to others' needs when I am not functioning that well yet. The burden of grief is still too intolerable to bear.

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I agree with you .. you should not have to cater to the needs of those unwilling to understand. I know I don't have to explain to you how it feels when you mention your loved one and people get that blank or worse yet the i feel so sorry for you look on there faces. I don't even think they realize it is there. But it makes me feel like I have a horrid disease and they don't want to catch it.. I wish they would just look up what I am going thru. there is so many resources and if they want to help they can just treat me like they would want to be treated if this had happened to them. I am glad to hear your brother and sister have mended thier fences . And I am sorry for your Loss. I will pray for you . I am sorry that your husbands family and you can not be there for each other. I know going thru this last year without my family was close to unbearable, My husband did the best he could but he didnt really know my brother that well. The ones I needed were my family the ones he and I had shared a bond with our whole lives.. I will pray that someday your husbands family comes to see, you need each other to heal . I know that since my living brother and I started talking again I have started to feel hope again,  I wish the same for you ..

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Your right we do need to help our loved ones who are unable to carry themselves through this pain, or we may end up at another funeral .That is why I did make the choice to go to the dinner, and I am so glad I did, Having my brother back and hearing him say I love you sissy, gives my heart hope that Yes I can cope with our other brothers sucicide.I will pray for your family and please pray for mine..

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aurora   

Regina, thank you for your prayers. They are very much appreciated.

 Alienation of suicide survivors seems to be the norm. Besides murder it is one of the hardest deaths to grieve and endure. Unless someone else has been through it they don't understand the intense pain we're in.The violence and suddeness propels us into intense shock and trauma that other people can't understand. They think somehow we should be over it and can snap out of it. The best way out is going through the grief work to get to the other side. It is intense and unbearable. I just keep writing about it and talking about it to try to get through it and not repress it. If grief is repressed it will resurface in the future. There is no easy fast way to do it. Others have tried to push my speed and time of grieving but I know I have to do it in my own time in my own way.

 May God be with you and especially this Christmas.

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sheela   

i feel the same way about a lot of things i feel like my mother just gave up and sort of that was a suicide i feel so sad and angry but not at her but at myself for not helping her pull thru - i was exhausted after 15 years of illness and just stepped aside i am so ashamed but i was so afraid at the time of what was happening - i couldnt bear to look at her dying - i am so ashamed

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please don't feel ashamed, we can not make the ones we love choose to stay a moment longer than they want to .. I wish we could. but as another person on here told me unfortunatly God gave us all free will. some of us choose to use that will to live and other's to move on.. Your mother was sick. and from what you said put up a long fight.. There is allways something we look back on and wonder could I have done this different but I think that in the moment we just do the best we can and that is all we can do..... again please do not feel ashamed... love your mother for the happy times and know she is better and out of all pain and suffering now..

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kelly   

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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