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Silvermist

Lost My Mum

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It happened last night, she had been ill for a few days and we thought it was stress and then she had a heart attack, hospital said she would be OK but she wasn't...

 

I'm house bound, my Mum took care of me and she was my only friend and my whole world. 

 

I don't know what to do, all I keep thinking about is that she wont be able to do the things she wanted to like the washing or baking a cake and that we will never watch TV together and I can't talk to her like I always did. And all her things are here. 

 

I keep going between devastation, anger, guilt and numbness. I don't have words for my grief

 

I keep trying to focus on different  thing but it is so hard. 

 

I...I want her back. It was so sudden and so unfair, I just...right now I'm numb, I need someone to talk to, I just wish it was me instead, the whole centre of my entire life has gone and I have never had to face death before.

 

I really need someone to talk too

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MissuDad   

Hi Silvermist,

 

I´m really sorry for your loss :(

 

Those feelings you mentioned are completely normal and yes you need and will need someone to talk and share your experience. This is the time to reach out to your friends and family. If you find it hard that way, keep posting here, we understand what you´re going through and we´ll listen to all you have to say.

 

You´re not alone. Hang in there and don´t hold anything in. If you need anything, texto me.

 

A big hug 

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The hospital, NHS, I live in the UK has offered us bereavement counselling and my brother thinks it is a good idea, I also had a chat with a bereavement support line, which helped a bit. I keep talking to her, I know she can't answer me but I'm sure she can hear me. 

 

I want to keep her ashes but my Brother says that its not healthy to hold on to the ashes for too long, it might hurt moving on but... 

 

I keep trying to do normal things but I feel guilty...I just wish it was me and not her...

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MissuDad   

The guilt of laughing or just keep living is very common and it will be present for a long time, but in different situations and scales.

 

Don´t decide just yet about the ashes, a friend of mine kept his mom´s and she passed away 12 years ago. When the time is right you´ll know what to do.

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I am sorry for your loss. It's ok to cry for as long as you need. And it helps reading other people posting here and knowing that we are in the same situation. I am still grieving for my dad who passed away so suddenly due to heart attack. He was only in the hospital for one day and we thought he will be home soon. He never made it to his birthday which was only one day away. There's life and death for everyone. That's part of life and no one knows beforehand nor can prevent it. There's always guilt that u feel bc you love your mom and wish that u could have done better. We all have guilts and we have to live with it by facing the truth and do better. Treasure and spend more time with your family. Talk to us anytime when u needed to. Take care

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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I feel calm and very quite with frequent pangs of pain. But I don't want to eat the food that is here, or touch anything that was here before she was gone.

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I just can't believe it I just can't, I can't, I can't, I can't

 

I was fine this morning but now I'm panicking, what am I going to do without her, I just want her back, its so quiet and I woke up thinking she was there

 

Its so unfair, so unfair, I just want to be were she is!

 

I can't bare this place, everything, even the things on my computer remind me of her, I keep going to tell her things and I can't, I don't know what to do, I just want to escape!

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I just keep thinking if we had noticed sooner, if I had noticed sooner perhaps it could have been prevented. 

 

I should have talked too her more, I shouldn't have been so selfish

 

I'm so sorry to keep venting here but, I just keep thinking of all the things I didn't do...

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MissuDad   

Don´t be sorry for coming here, that´s what we´re here for, to listen, share and vent.

 

Those mixed feelings are all part of the grieving process, just take it minute by minute. It won´t be easy, but regardless of how we do it, we find the strength to keep going.

 

It´s been over a year for me and I still get those feelings, but with a different intensity. Be kind to yourself and just take care of your basic needs, eat, drink water and rest, you´ll need all the strength you can have.

 

Hang in there

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Trish91   

Dear Silvermist,

 

I'm really sorry for the loss of your mom. I lost mine nearly five months ago, and I'm still totally bereft and lost. I don't know when I will feel 'normal' again, but I hope I do at some point, because life is not worth living if one is always sad and terrified, or if one is constantly traumatized and overly sensitive to things. I have also been angry at God, though I understand that death is part of life and there's nothing that we can really do about it, it makes us human and humbles us, otherwise, imagine what people like Stalin, Hitler or the likes would have been liked if they were invincible and immortal. I know that, but I still hurt every day, sometimes more than others.

 

I wish I could offer you any words of wisdom and say that things will get easier soon, but since I am going through this grief day and day out and things aren't better for me, all I can say is that I hear you and I'm with you in this terrible loss and pain.

 

We were very lucky to have wonderful moms, and I am sure they're still with us, in a different form, as different energy, and perhaps once we get to a better place we'll be able to feel them more and be once again fully connected to them. I do hope so and pray for it.

 

I know my mom always wanted her kids to be happy, but when one has loved somebody so deeply, it's really hard to let go and it's really difficult to move on, as their physical absence truly affects every aspect of our lives.

 

 

Warm regards, thinking for you and praying for you and everybody else in this forum who is truly hurting over the loss of a loved one.

 

Trish

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