what happened to my optimism

[Leo_thelion]

Hey you guys I am only eighteen so I know that is fairly young. However, I too have felt the unbearable feeling of loss. Last year in May I lost my (yes I'm saying it) boyfriend to a stroke. He was only 17....

I know I have a lot more life to experience and live but I just need to feel understood. Literally it feels as if since the moment I found out that the boy I had been in a relationship passed I feel like a huge chunk of the happiness has been ripped out of my life.

During the beginningy older brother was a huge help. He too shares my sexuality so we bond pretty well. But lately, it just seems as if he has too much going on for me to reach out to him like I used to.

The overall point I'm trying to get at is that lately I have been going through a lot of road blocks in life especially becoming a new adult and it seems that I never felt this empty until after he passed.

Now that his one year is literally right around the corner it has me looking at my life and realizing just how painful it has been. All I need is to talk with any one of you who can relate and understand.

[HeyJude]

You've come to the right place then.  We can all relate.  We have all lost someone that we loved and cared about.  Grief knows no age.  There are actually quite a few really young members here who have lost boyfriends/husbands/partners.  I think you'll fit in just fine.

[NO WILL TO GO ON]

Hi Newbie

It doesn't matter what age you are. Losing the one you love is heart breaking and life changing. It has been 5 months since I lost my fiance. He passed in his sleep unexpectedly. My life has been hard to adjust to. I am going thru what you did. In the beginning everyone was there. Now I feel like a burden to talk to others. Everyone is going on with their lives while I am still mourning the loss of the life I used to love. If you ever feel you need to talk, just friend me and I would love to talk. Today is my first day on here. I am looking for help to figure out how to move on and not live in mourning to this extent.

[Skysie]

I'm only at the month mark and already everyone is acting normal and talks of me going back to work and futur kids!!! Like WTF seriously my friends are all annoying the **** out of me.

[Shattered14]

I completely understand your anger.  I too have been told that it will get better, you will love again, you have love to give, you are young and will meet someone else...blah blah blah.   What no one seems to understand is that I don't want anyone else.  When my fiancé and I decided to get married, I meant it.  The vows we were going to say to each other were meaningful to me.  He is my husband in my heart even though I don't have the stupid piece of paper.  I don't need the paper.  We were totally devoted to each other, and he was my soul mate, my love.  You don't just erase that and start over.  At least I don't.  I will remain devoted to him for the rest of my life whether anyone feels that is wrong or not.  I am very lonely and so overwhelmingly sad but I am lonely for him not just anybody.  I need him, and I can't have him.  So I am carrying on the best I can right now.  I try to focus only on today because thinking forward is just too painful.  I don't enjoy life at all any more, and I suspect I never will because he was my joy, my happiness, my future, my love.   I will just try to keep going until God decides its my time and then I pray it is his face I will see again.  I ignore those people and their comments even though they make me angry and just want to scream.  I don't believe they can truly understand the depth of this pain so we must forgive their ignorance.