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Emotionally void


Leia

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My mother passed away suddenly from a brain aneurysm in 2006, when I was in 6th grade. All of these years I have thought I dealt with it okay, but now I'm 19 and i'm completely out of touch with my emotions. I feel like I just shut them off to deal with the pain, but now I feel so alone even if i'm surrounded by people. I am seeing a counselor but I joined this website because counseling is very expensive and I can only go to so many sessions, but i'm in need of a lot of help. 

 

 To anyone who can offer me any words of peace or advice in this time of need, thank you. 

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Hi Leia,

 

Welcome to the forums and I'm sorry to hear you've had such a difficult time.

 

Tell me about your counselling sessions, what have you learned?

I ask this because when we are consciously attempting to learn a new way of experiencing this world, it's important to be an active participant.

I can tell you that it will get better.

I can tell you that even if you don't know how or what the result will look like, taking steps forward will always bring you greater understanding and a greater chance of peace.

But when we are in our deepest, darkest places, when we feel like there is no solution, it is very easy to shrug away any statement of hope or positivity.

This is why active participation is so important when we're looking to understand ourselves and looking to help ourselves feel better.

It's a terrible thing to have gone through your loss.  Everyone on this forum has a terrible loss that has broken their heart and many have experienced the ripping and shredding of their soul.  But if you read around at what they have learned and how they have helped themselves and how things have changed for them and how they have started to integrate that loss into themselves, you can maybe start to help yourself believe in that glimmer of hope.

Also, if you write down what you've learned through your counselling sessions and you start to phrase things in your mind as "this is why this was helpful to me", you will be able to more easily allow things to be helpful to you.  It will also help you to more fully understand where you are at and what you need to work on during your next session.  In this way, you will be able to get the most from your counselling.

There are so many feelings mixed up with grief and it's hard enough even for an adult, who has much more experience with how they cope in this world than children.  So it is very understandable for you to still be struggling, especially if you locked your emotions away from the beginning.

Please know that we do things like that to survive.  And it's completely natural to want to survive.  It is one of our strongest instincts.  And your psyche made a decision in 2006 and it was the right one.

It cannot be anything other than the right decision or your subconscious would not have let it happen.  Instead, you would have experienced something different.

Now that you're older, it is ok to start letting some of those things out that you locked away.  It still may hurt just like in 2006, but you can help yourself through it this time.  You can be your own best friend and imagine the 19 year old you hugging and helping the 7 year old you.

Unfortunately, there is no magic wand and there is no easy answer but if you are gentle with yourself while you take the steps of exploring your long grief, you will find the answers you need.

 

<3

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