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my mom has been gone 22 days


sarah1681

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i have good days and bad days but i have to keep living life i miss her so bad i could talk to her about anything now im terrified of losing anyone else that i love because of how bad it hurts losing my mom/best friend i talk to my brothers everyday as well as my grandmother my mom's mom im so afraid of losing her shes 72 and i dont know if i can handle going through another death losing my mom has totally killed my joy about life in general i dont understand how a 53 year old woman that is fine one day just turns up dead the next day without being sick (as far as we knew) she never complained about anything and the hardest part is that it takes 8 to 12 weeks to get the autopsy results back so we are spinning our wheels without going anywhere trying to figure out what happened to our amazing mother there are still times i forget shes gone and pick up my phone to call or text her and then i start bawling because i remember shes really gone it still doesnt seem real im trying to be strong for my brothers which is hard when i feel like im falling apartpost-392317-0-26204300-1397196588_thumb.post-392317-0-36470400-1397196631_thumb.post-392317-0-65419800-1397196688_thumb.

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I know :(

 

Sometimes it is extra hard for us when there is no physical reason: "how did this happen?"

 

If someone had been sick or in an accident, we still struggle with the loss but our brains don't have to be stuck in a loop of double-not understanding.

 

It took 6 months to get a report on how my sister died, and even then it was sketchy.

 

I know that it doesn't help the pain of her being gone to know exactly what happened, but we are human and our shock and our loss sometimes demand answers that we just don't have access to.

 

You are not alone in what you are feeling about this.  It is a crazy thing that has happened and we often need all the little pieces we can get our hands on.  And sometimes there are no answers, and that can make us even crazier.

 

My dear, it has only been 22 days.  Please, please be gentle with yourself.  If you pick up the phone to call her and you start to cry, let yourself cry.  There is no weakness in allowing your love to express through your tears.  I'm sure your brothers or your grandmother are feeling very intensely right now too.  Maybe there's a time when you can softly grieve together?  Just holding each other's hands when there is nothing that can be said can be the biggest glue in the world.

 

Thank you for posting pictures of your beautiful mother.

 

<3

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Tossed-into-the-Sea

*hugs* 19 days for me. I know it's tough. We're all here for you here. 

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