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I lost control yesterday.


Ohheylookitsash

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Ohheylookitsash

This past weekend was amazing for me. So much fun and very eventful. All of a sudden it took a turn for the worst. I loss my phone. Which shouldn't be that big of a deal. Material items are not so important to me. But when I started thinking of all the pictures of Jacksen and all his text messages that were gone, I had a melt down. I literally threw a fit. I cried harder than I've ever cried before. I felt as though I had lost him all over again. My phone wasn't backed up and there was no way I was getting those memories back. I think I've finally realized I'm not ok. I guess I have just been going through the motions of some grieving but not actually dealing with my grief. Losing my first best friend at 16, I thought I knew how to handle losing Jacksen. In reality I don't think there is a right way. There is just my way. I'm finally ready to deal with my loss.

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Dear Ashley,

 

I'm sorry about your losses :(

 

It sounds like you had a difficult time this past weekend.  What I hope that your new self can do is recognize that what you went through over the loss of your phone is very natural.

 

The thing that many people realize through this process, I have learned, is the discovery of where we attach our feelings of love.  As in, what objects or events or places, etc., associate in our psyche with our loved ones.  It is natural to experience greater trauma at times because these objects, events, places, etc., can enflame our love of this person we lost.  When that love isn't here during these moments of greater desire, our grief can be extreme - even more so than usual (doesn't seem possible sometimes but true) due to the association - and we can become unable to anything but mourn our loss.

 

Mourning is the expression of your grief.  As you say, you're ready to deal with your loss and this time of crying hard than you ever had and coming to this forum to express it was an excellent way to help.  The process of going through this loss looks different for everyone but being in grief is a feeling of insanity for most people that I talk to.  Being gentle with yourself, allowing yourself to express you grief and allowing yourself to express the importance of your relationship are things, in my experience, that can bring even the tiniest bit of balance.

 

But it is a process, so be gentle with yourself at the unfolding.

 

<3

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 All of a sudden it took a turn for the worst. I loss my phone....all the pictures of Jacksen and all his text messages that were gone,. My phone wasn't backed up and there was no way I was getting those memories back.       

 

I'm not sure if this helps or not, but when I go to my cel store, I learned that they have a way that they can access my pictures on their computer.

 

If I remember this right, they did not need my phone.   They used to offer a service of putting your pictures on a USB for you but then they quit offering this.  I do not know what cel store you use or if it might be similar to the one I use or if they could access your pictures for you.

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