I lost my husband and the will to live

[KayC]

I still have George's robe hanging on the door and Arlie's coat hanging on a chair. This is totally individual how we handle this and if helps us remember them, honor them, so be it.

[Griefsucks810]

17 hours ago, JonathanFive said:

I drank an espresso last night and fell right to sleep

Wow! Espresso is loaded with caffeine - how were you able to fall right asleep?

[JonathanFive]

19 minutes ago, Griefsucks810 said:

Wow! Espresso is loaded with caffeine - how were you able to fall right asleep?

sadness put me right to bed...

[Griefsucks810]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

I still have George's robe hanging on the door and Arlie's coat hanging on a chair. This is totally individual how we handle this and if helps us remember them, honor them, so be it.

I still wear my husband’s slippers which are on the floor next to my nightstand.

[HisMunchkin]

17 hours ago, Sar123 said:

Have you decided what you plan on doing with your husband’s clothes and things? How are you doing these days? 

I still haven't decided what to do with all his stuff - and he has a LOT of stuff!  He has more clothes and shoes than I do, and I'm a girl (yes, a bit of a stereotype there. 😜).  And there are so many books!  I think, when I eventually downsize, whenever that will be, I will be giving most things away.  I have been wearing his wedding ring on a bracelet since the day of his passing.  That, I will definitely keep for sentimental value.  And photos, and somethings that has his hand writing on it.  To me, most of the other things are just that - things. 

[Griefsucks810]

When my husband died unexpectedly on 8/21/19, I was traumatized and devastated cuz my world just got pulled out from under  me. I was all alone and scared to death cuz I had no where to live and no source of income to support myself.  
There were many times where I felt it was too hard for me to go through this indescribable nonstop heart aching pain day after day and  had thoughts that it would be easier for me to just throw the towel in but I didn’t.  I would never leave my adult daughter and my beloved cat without their mother which gave me a purpose to live for myself and for them.  I just recently fully accepted my husband’s death as it happened and also fully accepted that all of the questions I sought answers to all died with my husband.  I have to work diligently  on how to feel and think positively which will make me have a better outlook on life. I’m have started to be more proactive with my physical health by scheduling a telehealth appointment with a nutritionist who will teach me how eating healthy foods and vegetables will keep my body healthy as well as which foods and vegetables to avoid.  I plan on seeing a cardiologist in the next few months to have my heart and carotid arteries checked out cuz cardiovascular disease runs on my mom’s side of the family.  

[widower2]

On 1/31/2024 at 3:43 PM, HisMunchkin said:

I still haven't decided what to do with all his stuff - and he has a LOT of stuff!  He has more clothes and shoes than I do, and I'm a girl (yes, a bit of a stereotype there. 😜).  And there are so many books!  I think, when I eventually downsize, whenever that will be, I will be giving most things away.  I have been wearing his wedding ring on a bracelet since the day of his passing.  That, I will definitely keep for sentimental value.  And photos, and somethings that has his hand writing on it.  To me, most of the other things are just that - things. 

It's a mixed bag to me. I have some things of hers which are quite trivial but have meaning to me...in hindsight at the time, I didn't keep similar things, but I was in such a  chaotic state that I wasn't thinking straight...not helped by her two white trash (which frankly is an insult to white trash everywhere, but stronger language wouldn't fly here) daughters going out of their way to make my life miserable. And I now have some things I did keep which aren't esp meaningful and I intend to return to her son, who is the polar opposite of his sisters. 

[KayC]

In my wee hours of not being able to go to sleep, I was thinking about "the closet" where some of George's things are, after 18 1/2 years I think I'm ready to part with them but going to chuck some of my daughter's stuff first.  We have no place in town to donate to so I may toss hers in the garbage and wait and take his the 100 mile round trip to Goodwill or St. Vinnie's.  Not getting rid of his bathrobe though...not ever.

[HisMunchkin]

14 hours ago, widower2 said:

I have some things of hers which are quite trivial but have meaning to me...

My husband used to get me these mint candy that I love.  They have this chewy center.  I consumed all but one from the last bag that he got me.  It's weird, but don't have the heart to eat it. 

 

9 hours ago, KayC said:

In my wee hours of not being able to go to sleep, I was thinking about "the closet" where some of George's things are, after 18 1/2 years I think I'm ready to part with them

When was the last time you looked at them?  Think going through them might trigger some memories? 

[KayC]

Not anymore, over 18 1/2 years is a long time to adjust.

[foreverhis]

22 hours ago, widower2 said:

I have some things of hers which are quite trivial but have meaning to me

Some of the things I kept are perhaps obvious.  His pillows; his recliner; his backpack and favorite baseball cap (our local collegiate summer league team) now hang by the back door, instead of the front door where they lived for 2 years; one of his favorite hoodies and two flannel shirts.  But a few would perhaps only be fully understood by people who have been where we are.  For example, his hairbrush because it has strands of his beautiful silver-gray-dark blonde hair and his long-handled net shower scrub, which still hangs on a hook in the shower because things don't look right without it.

I don't care if others think I'm a weirdo.😉😄

 

[widower2]

Yeah it's funny what matters. On the one hand, people could understand her wine cabinet that I still have in my LR...to them maybe because it's a nice piece of furniture, but to me because it's the first thing she bought after we were together and drinking/enjoying/learning about wine was something we shared. On top of it is a now empty bottle and souvenir glass from the first winery we really got into and they are just as valuable to me as the cabinet. Also of value: a simple, old, plastic, cheapie wine bottle opener we bought one time at a wine store when we needed one at the time and didn't have the time or inclination to buy a "fancier" one, thinking we would later...and never did. In fact, friends of hers bought her fancier ones over the years...which we ended up using little. I still use it. I'd get buried with it if I hadn't decided to be cremated.  

 

[KayC]

7 hours ago, widower2 said:

to me because it's the first thing she bought after we were together

I get it, it's why I still have our loveseat/recliner even though it's got something broken and the footrest pops up when you don't tell it to.  It's been sewed on and dyed where it's worn, but still comfy.  I remember he stipulated it had to not have armrests in the middle so we could cuddle and hold hands.  

[HisMunchkin]

13 hours ago, foreverhis said:

Some of the things I kept are perhaps obvious.  His pillows; his recliner; his backpack and favorite baseball cap (our local collegiate summer league team) now hang by the back door, instead of the front door where they lived for 2 years; one of his favorite hoodies and two flannel shirts.  But a few would perhaps only be fully understood by people who have been where we are.  For example, his hairbrush because it has strands of his beautiful silver-gray-dark blonde hair and his long-handled net shower scrub, which still hangs on a hook in the shower because things don't look right without it.

I don't care if others think I'm a weirdo.😉😄

 

Not weird.  At least to me.  I kept some of my previous dog's fur, for instance.  And my dad actually snipped off some of my grandfather's hair right after he passed on the hospital bed.  He offered to others who were present too, "Want some of his hair for keepsake?..."  My grandmother also keeps hair, even when the person is still alive.  When she passed, my mother went into her little home safe where she keeps things precious to her.  Some jewelry, some cards,... and then my mother's gallstone from when my mom had it removed some years ago.....  So ya, to me, what you're keeping isn't weird.

[KayC]

1 hour ago, HisMunchkin said:

I kept some of my previous dog's fur, for instance.

I did that with my last dog, and I have his coat on the chair and hold it...