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23 years old, both parents dead and I'm finding it so difficult to cope


JustPrincess

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JustPrincess

My beautiful mum passed away suddenly 11 weeks ago of a heart attack. It was a complete shock and I found her... My father was never in my life but he also died 10 years ago when I was 13. My mum was the only parent I ever had and I loved her so much because it was always just me and her, so I'm taking this very badly because I suddenly feel so alone.

Most people whose have lost both their parents are in their 30's, 40s, or 50's, I'm only 23 years old. Every big thing that I do my mum won't be there. When I graduate next year, when I get married, when have kids... All of it she will miss and I don't know how to cope.

I experience a lot of anxiety all the time, I'm at university and I feel extremely uncomfortable being in the class it's like I'm trapped. I have panic attacks on what feels like a daily basis. I have a lot of suicidal thoughts and this extreme desire to just escape, but I have a history of self harm and issues with eating so I'm terrified to go back to that place as I've worked so hard to come out of that. Plus this is very different because this feels like the bottom for me.

I've already experienced a lot of tragedy in my life and there really is nothing else that can happen to me, which fuels this overwhelming desire to give up. I know my mum wouldn't want me to but everyday I'm in too much pain I don't know how to deal with it, it's like I'm drowning.

Plus, I have no around me that can relate. None of my friends (I have very friends as it is) have ever experienced one parent dying, let alone both... Plus like I said the people who have lost both parents are much older than I am and although I know losing parents at any age is awful, it is especially devastating when you are young. The fact that I did not get a chance to say goodbye and also finding her the way that I did add to how awful I feel. To wake up in the morning and you go to say good morning to your mum but instead you find her dead on the floor changes you completely... I would never wish it on my very worst enemy,

I came to this forum, to be around people who may be able to understand me. I would love to hear from everybody as any insight into how I can find a way through all this pain would be really helpful. Also I especially would like to hear from young people who have experienced one, or particularly both parents dying. I just feel so alone and like nobody understands what I'm going through at all.

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Hi,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know what you're going through to a certain extent.

In May last year my father was killed in a motorcycle accident. My mother is still alive but after a lot of drama we aren't speaking anymore. I don't have any grandparents either. So apart from my brother and sister, I feel very alone. I'm 20 years old.

I'm also struggling with anxiety and grief related depressive moments. It's difficult to know how to move forward in life without anyone there to guide you. That is the part I found most terrifying. I'm still finding it hard to cope without having the only person I looked to for guidance and the only person I ever considered a role model.

When a parent dies you're left with this huge void and you will try and fill it with anything. I went shopping a lot in the first few months after my father's death. I spent more money than I had and got into nearly £1000 of debt. I'm still looking for other healthy ways to fill the gap. It is so hard to wake up every day and remember that your parent is not here anymore.

The only thing I've found that has helped so far is every time I feel upset or something I try to counteract it by thinking of a happy memory with my dad or something that would make me laugh about him.

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Hi, JustPrincess,

I am so sorry to hear about your mom! Losing your parents at any age is so difficult. I lost both of my parents also. I know exactly how you are feeling, & hope that I might be able to help you!

 

I suggest that you go to a doctor, & explain to them how you are feeling. They will be able to help either by talking, or they may prescribe medication that will help you through this very painful experience. That is what I did,& still continue to do.  There are also grieving sessions that you may want to attend. There you will meet, & be able to speak with people who feel exactly like you do.

I hope that I was able to help you in some way.

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Hi There,

 

I completely understand where you are coming from. I lost my mother over 2 weeks a go and I am 28 years old and single. Like yourself I also am saddened to the fact that she wont be there when I get married and have children. Please try and seek help, I am seeing a psychologist at the moment and it does help. There are also support groups. Stay around positive people, that is also very important. Know that you are not alone, there a many of us out there. Feel free to message me anytime you like.

 

All the best.

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@JustPrincess If you are there, please respond to this thread. Or email me at [REMOVED]. I am 23, and both of my parents are dead. I googled "parents dead 23" and this thread came up. I read your post and broke down into tears. After I gathered myself, I made this account hoping you would get a notification for this reply. I hope you do. If not, well I guess you won't read this but I hope you're doing ok.

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