Lost my mom 2 weeks ago now an adult orphan

[keiko]

We had my mom's funeral this past weekend.  It was a beautiful service and I'm sure her soul and spirit was very happy - that does bring me some comfort, but the deep sense of loss and pain cannot escape me.  I NEVER imagined losing my mom would be this hard and devastating.  I thought I was somewhat prepared as I lost my dad only 16 months ago suddenly, but the pain of losing your mom and 2nd parent is something that nothing can prepare you for.  We knew my mom's time was coming sooner than later as she had fought her illness for 10 years, but who knew it'd be pneumonia to take her within a week.  Her death was quite sudden as well and even though we were with her and she died peacefully, none of that takes away the pain that it still ever so present.  It's a pain that is indescribable...when she died I literally felt a piece of my heart die off as well.  I feel like I'm never going to be the same because the normal I knew no longer exists - both my parents are gone now.  I hear that time will help, but at this moment it seems like the impossible. 

 

I am also harboring A LOT of anger towards my friends and even some family.  I know I was quite angry at them from when my dad died as I felt I wasn't supported enough - I wasn't expecting people to stop their lives, but a simple phone call just to say "how are you?" or a note to let me know someone was thinking of me was all I wanted, but those calls or notes never came.  When my mom passed, I initially got a ton of messages and texts, but when my mom's funeral came only 2 friends showed up and those who didn't show up, didn't even bother to call or even send a card.  I know I can't expect much as I learned that when my dad died, but I thought people would recognize that I've now had 2 MAJOR losses in less than 2 years and I guess I thought I'd get a lot more support this time around but I was wrong again and disappointed.  I'm so angry at them that I wished it was them who lost their parents so they can understand how much pain I'm in.

 

I'm sorry to rant and rave, but I had to get it out somewhere as I feel I have no one to talk to.  The other day I was buying coffee from my usual shop and I'm pretty friendly with the owners, the guy told me well we're at the age when we start losing our parents.  I looked at him and glared back I'm only 37 - I'm definitely not at that age and even if it were, it doesn't make it any better!!!  I'm starting to resent everyone around me and I don't like it. 

[MissuDad]

Hi Keiko,

 

I´m really sorry If losing one parent is this bad, I can´t even imagine, both. My mom also has a few health issues and might have to remove a kidney and I dread that

 

I wouldn´t know how to live without my mom, she´s the last person that loves me more than anything in the world and it hurts just thinking of that possibility...

 

People can be real cruel and cold, sometimes they should walk a mile on someone else´s shoes to understand how devastating and heart breaking a loss is...

 

Your anger sounds pretty normal, I get that quite often too... But your true friends will stay, the others will go.

 

Hang in there and feel free to text me, if you need to vent.

 

A big hug

 

[mwruby1]

Keiko,

I can image exactly how you feel. I lost my dad three years ago to cancer, and now I have lost my mother due to an urinary tract infection, which turned into sepsis. I never thought I would lose my mother to something so treatable, had it been detected earlier. My mother was had other illnesses too, so to find out she died because of an uti breaks my heart... I don't have any support neither, so it's been very difficult. I am now planning her funeral, in which I am doing everything on my own. Keep in mind I do have a sister, who is older than I, but she acts as if she could careless. The friends I do have feels I.shouldn't allow my mother's death to make me sad, so I tell them until they've walked in my shoes you have no place to tell me how I should feel. I honestly believe with support it does make things a bit easier to deal with. I find myself very angry as well, to the point I don't want to talk to nobody. Thanks for sharing your feelings because I don't feel alone in regards to how I feel. Thank You.

[Jillbus]

You are not alone. I lost my Mom, my everything, Dec 23, 2013 and we had just lost my dad in Jan 2012.  My parents were my world and I am so lost.  NOTHING prepares you to be without both parents.

Since losing my Mom, I feel my direction, my soul my heart, is gone.  I hate not having my Parents...its horrible, I am 43, its too young to not have the people who love you unconditionally. 

All I know is that I will see them again one day, and right now I live toward that day.

[Trish91]

Hi Keiko, and all,

 

I am really sorry for your losses, once again, and Keiko, I'm specially sorry that you are having such a hard time and that you are feeling so alone.

 

I am in my thirties, and although I am married, I have got no kids, and my close friends and other relatives, although loving and supportive, don't really understand what I am going through.

 

I am often angry at the world, and sometimes I feel that nobody really gets it, that they think that it will never happen to them, and thus, they don't really appreciate or want to feel my pain, perhaps because they are scared of their own pain or of accepting that it will happen to them too, sooner or later.

 

I miss my mom terribly. I've still got my dad, who is a loving father, but he's miles away from me. I have got a brother too, but he's got his own family and is way too self-absorbed and selfish. The rest of my family lives very far away from me too. Therefore, I am basically alone, although my husband is a really good person, and so is my mom in law, and they support me a lot, but none of them really understands what I am going through and how hard it is to wake up to and live every single day.

 

My life has lost meaning, direction and purpose, everything else seems insignificant compared to not having my mom physically here.

 

I don't know if you have got any spiritual beliefs, but to me, they have been a life saver, without them, I'd not survived. I am not religious as such, but do believe in a Supreme Being and in the afterlife, and I long for the day when I can reunite with my mom, my everything, my role model and best friend.

 

No words can begin to express how shocked, angry, sad, despondent, anxious and disappointed I feel, I live in a constant roller coaster, from when I wake up, at work, and when I go to sleep. I still cannot believe that my mom is physically gone, that she left her damaged body and traveled to a different dimension in soul form. I don't know how to live without her, but I need to try. It's extremely hard though, all my emotions are maximized and heightened, and I feel like I'm losing control of everything, because my North, my mom, is not here to hold me, guide me, tell me that she loves me, that she believes in me. I have lost faith in myself since she went away.

 

I know what you are going through, so if you ever want to talk and vent, I'm here. Please feel free to contact me.

 

Take care, warm regards too.

 

Trish

[momo]

Hi Everyone,

I just joined the group this morning and am feeling so many of the emotions you are all feeling.

I too am now an adult orphan. My mom passed away 20 years ago and my dad passed away on March 19.

I havent lived very close to my dad in years and begged him to move closer to me but he wouldn't. So he would get sick, go to hospital, reover, go home and then do this off and on again for several years. This last time he had a uti with sepsis (just like Bella's mom) and pnemonia. I was told the pneumonia is what he died from and not the uti. I couldn't get to him right away because of commitments with my kids and he kept seeming to rally and be ok and even scheduled to go to a rehab facility.

I scheduled my flight with my kids to see him and he passed the night before my flight. 8 hours before i would be there!

I feel sick about this. He died alone in a hospital without us. My heart aches and i feel so guilty for not being there earlier. But then my kids would have been upset for me not being there for them at that moment. Either way i was going to feel guilty but i thought i was going to be able to handle and schedule it all.

Please feel free to contact me. I have all the same emotions and feelings all of you have and I can relate to the sadness, heartache, guilt, anger and every other emotion out there.

[keiko]

Thank you so much to all of you and I'm so sorry for each of your losses, but it does help to know that I'm not alone in the way I feel.  Over the weekend I read a book called The Orphaned Adult by Dr. Levy and I would highly recommend it to those that have recently been orphaned.  It really helped me to realize the things I'm feeling and thinking are very normal and quite okay and it gave me hope that one day I can find happiness again.  It wasn't a magical cure to my grief, but it helped me to at least understand it a little better.

 

I just really miss my mom and wish I could be with her one more time in this physical world, but that's just that - wishful thinking. I know we'll be reunited one day again in the spiritual world and I try to find comfort in that.  It's still hard, really hard, but I know my parents wouldn't want me to be suffering this way and drown in my grief and sorrow.  A friend reminded me yesterday to take things one day at a time and that's all we really can do.  My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you!