amy30893

Dad was killed in motorcycle accident

6 posts in this topic

My Dad, 47, was killed by a careless driver in May 2013. He had over 30 years of experience when it comes to riding motorcycles, so I truly believe that if there was any way possible he could have survived that fatal collision, he would have. He was killed instantly when a car pulled out of a junction and didn't see him coming past. It was a beautiful Sunday morning, the weather was perfect. Sundays are unbearable to me now.

 

I respected my Dad so much, everything he did made me respect him and want to be more like him. He was everything a girl could possibly want in a father. I wasn't a typical 'daddy's girl', we had a very different bond to that of the usual father-daughter relationship. We didn't cuddle or tell each other we loved one another, probably since I was about 11/12 years old. We argued and debated, that was our thing. Even when I moved away to university I'd go home to have a good argument, because no-one else argued like we did. He taught me to have thick skin and not be hurt by what people say. Sounds strange. He was the first person I called when I was in trouble or stuck somehow, he'd always have a way to fix things. He wasn't one for giving advice, more like letting us make our mistakes and then explaining after how we could have done it better. My Dad was always made me laugh, even when the jokes were terrible. When I was a teenager we drifted apart but over the last two or three years we'd started to get closer and our relationship was better than ever. He taught me to empathize rather than sympathize, and not to judge people, especially if you don't know their circumstances. He was my reference point for everything, he provided me with the feeling of something stable and constant throughout my life. 

 

So when he was killed, I completely went into shock. I still can't believe its happened and I'm rarely able to express my emotions to my family. I feel unable to cry for my Dad and when I do it feels forced. It makes me more unhappy that I can't grieve for my Dad in a way that he deserves. I just feel like I have a total block on being able to be sad. When I do feel upset I feel bad about it because there are so many people in the world who are worse off. I have awful nightmares that I'm crying uncontrollably, but when I wake up the tears aren't real and I just feel very empty. 

 

I'm 20 now, and in my second year of university. I feel like I have no guidance, after the breakdown of my relationship with my mother (see other posts) and that I'm stuck at a point in my life with no idea what to do next. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

At the funeral I asked my brother in law to read out the poem below. He thought it was so fitting that he got it tattooed on his chest. 

 

"An honest man here lies at rest,
As e'er God with his Image blest:
A friend of man, the friend of truth,
The friend of age and guide of youth;
Few hearts like his-with virtue warm'd,
Few heads with knowledge so informed:
If there's another world, he lives in bliss;
If there is none, he made the best of this."

 

We also had this song played as we left the church. 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcvvRYYoGxg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Very sorry to hear that.  I can certainly relate even though mine was a different sudden loss.  We had that relationship, and I miss that.  Mom didn't run off and hit the bottle, I became her focus so I lost my mother and father too.  We are finally getting to be able to talk due to the things she has learned from Al Anon. 

 

We tried all kinds of different counseling, therapy, and even grief counseling through the years, but it does still hurt.  However, they have just started to finally learn what PTSD is and how to treat it better.

 

You'll be okay, my friend, it just takes seeking out help.  I have to go back again because apparently I didn't understand and all that pain would come right back after any loss..  You take things day by day, minute by minute, second by second and it will hopefully get better for you soon.   

 

Also though, never be afraid to talk about it.  It helps you and doesn't make you odd or anything to feel like that at all.

 

EMDR may also be something to consider.  I haven't tried it, because I've been afraid of the side effects  So I won't recommend it but I did see how it did help someone I loved.  I am seriously considering it now though.  Don't just jump in.  If I do, I'll post how it went and if I do have any side effects.

 

All the best.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Amy30893, I came across this heartfelt posting, and wanted to see how you are doing. People say that times heals, and it does to a certain extent, but it also bring delayed grief, and emotions that never completely heal. But reaching out and talking to others, like you have done in this forum is a good way release, and clear your thoughts.

When I lost my mother to cancer,a great help in dealing with the lost was relying on my faith in bible promises. One particular scripture that always provided relief was John 5:28 which reads "Do not be amazed at this, for the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice..and come out."

What a wonderful promise Jesus gave us,the opportunity to see our loved ones again!!

But is this realistic, will we be able to see our dead loved ones again? Please take a moment and examine this an other bible questions, on this free of charge web link http://www.jw.org/en/publications/books/dead-live-again-tract/dead-live-again/

Once again, my deepest condolences, May you find peace.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi, I see this was posted a while ago but I thought I would reply. I lost my Mum in a motorbike accident when I was 19. I'm now 22. One of the hardest things as I grow up is finding things I wish I could thank her for, questions I'll never get to ask her, things I can't ever tell her about and get her opinion on. I've also found it hard to grieve - if I try to think about my Mum it's like there's a deflecting shield around her in my head and my thoughts just bounce off somewhere else. I seem unable to think about her or be sad about her directly, but I feel a constant anxiety and am totally unable to cope with stress. I feel like I cry about everything except my Mum. You aren't alone xxx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now