lost my cat, how do i move forward

[lvkathy]

I lost my 22 year old kiki on march 3rd.   I am not doing very good, I am in a deep depression and isolating myself.    I want her back so bad, I miss everything about kiki

 

I had her since she was 2 1/2 weeks old, I bottle fed her and we created a bond.   She was my best friend, I couldn't wait to see her everyday and she was always happy to see me and waiting for me.

 

I have had family members pass away and I have never been this depressed before, I miss kiki so much and miss having a animal in the house.   I don't think I am ready to get another cat, I want another cat but will the other cat have a bond with me like kiki and I did.

 

I know people will say that I am lucky for having a cat live to be 22 years old, she was almost 23 soon.

 

She must have had good genes, she was a tough girl.   She was diagnosed with diabetes at age 14 and I gave her insulin for 6 mo because all of a sudden she wasn't diabetic anymore..    She had a lump removed on her belly age 15 and it was cancer and she still lived to be almost 23.   She was the oldest living cat to come out of my vets office, he called her Kikisaurus and dinosaur kiki which is really cute.

 

Even the vet cried when kiki passed, she passed at the vet office when I wasn't there after receiving her IV for fluids..    She wasn't eating much or drinking much for a week, I took her to the vet 3 times that week.    She was a fighter, the night before kiki passed I got home from work, walked into the closet where she liked to hang out with her food water and litter box and she was purring for along time.  She wasn't feeling good though and I could tell, but she always bounced back. 

I took her to the vet and said, I need you to do blood work again I think there is something really wrong, we did blood work 6 weeks prior and kiki was fine.  In fact the vet was very surprised for her age that she had no kidney problems.

 

I felt something was really wrong though because she stopped eating and drinking, my baby girl probably wasn't feeling good for a long time and I never knew.  I had her bloodwork done every 3 months because of her age and her blood was always fine.     I wonder if she was hanging onto life because of me,   I loved her and she and I had a huge bond,  I feel so bad that she couldn't tell me that she didn't feel good.     my heart is broken, I miss my baby girl and I feel so lost.

 

She was my rock, she was my everything, she was the best friend I could ask for, I am so grateful that she came into my life, I miss cleaning her litter box, I miss cleaning up her cat puke

 

I miss everything about my baby kiki cat, I am worried about me now, I don't think I will be ok

I know people are going to write me and tell me that I will be ok, but I don't see how I will be able to move forward and ease the pain

 

 

[Ravenstar]

Kathy, I grieve with you in your loss. I know nothing I can say will help right now, but I want you to know someone cares. I've been through this with various cats, the last being my little love Ravenstar. I am crying as I write this; your post brought it all back to me.

 

I would suggest you don't worry about moving forward right now. You need to spend the time grieving for Kiki. That will take as long as it takes. Give the time to her. Honour her memory. And then you will know what to do. Your next cat will also form a bond with you; they all do. But give it time. The universe will send another cat to you, or it will put the urge into you to go looking for one. At least that's what happened to me.

 

I hope this helps..

[nammi_nammi]

Yes, I agree with ForRavenstar.  It's still very early on in your grief.  It will take a lot of time to feel better, and all you can do is allow yourself to grieve as long as it takes.  And definitely another bond can be formed with another cat, but only when you're ready for one.  Take care...  Will message...  =)  

[mhood]

Lost my 5 yr old cat today to liver failure.  I took her to vet fri and to emergency hopital yesterday.  They told me she had made good progress during the day yesterday but I got a call early this morning that she had taken a bad turn with fluid in her liver/pancreas permeating in to her stomach and recovery was no longer possible.  I went to the hospital and spent some time with her, petting her and comforting her.  She was in reasonable comfort having been treated with IV's and medicine and the physician said she would be ok to take home for a couple days if I wanted to spend more time with her.  I had spent some time with her Friday night before I took her to the hospital and let her sleep with me one last time so I decided not to take her home again because she would not be able to eat and her body was breaking down.  I decided to have her euthanizde while she was in my lap continuing to pet her and comfort her while the doctor administered the IV fluid for euthanization.  I continued to pet her after the doctor told me it had been completed then took her home and buried her near where I buried my 17 year old cat 3 years ago.  The two of them were budies for a 2 1/2 years and loved to compete for the best spot on my lap or in my bed, usually with one getting the pristine spot on my chest and the other one content to take the spot on top of my legs.  I have always loved our family pets, but these were the first and only 2 pets I've ever had on my own.  I live alone and they have been great companions full of love and affection for me and bring light in my life quite literally.  I only started opening my bedroom window with the blinds down to let the sun in since I adopted them both.  I even got a bird feeder to give them entertainment at the window.   Today has been hard now being alone again.  I took down the bird feeder and closed the blinds and even covered the window with a blanket to block the light.   I wanted to immediately change the environment of my apartment back to what it was before to lesson the grief cues.  I'm not sure if I am a diciplined and organized enough person to be an ideal or even effective pet owner, so I do not plan on getting a new pet any time in the near future.  I could change my mind, but I don't want to even consider it for awhile.  One thing I have done is give plenty of affection to my cats and we have all loved each other very much with sleeping together being our most special time.   One day at a time I guess.  I feel ok about crying for my 5yr old. she really earned it. After starting to write this I'm thinking more about the loss of them both, the 5yr old today and the 17 yr old 3 yrs ago.  I also have thought a lot about all the family dogs and cats we have had over the last 30-40 yrs and I feel good about remembering them after all this time.  Many of them have blessed my family and my life. 

 

thanks for the space to write,

   Michael

[nammi_nammi]

I'm so sorry about the loss of your cat mhood.  I understand so much of what you're going through.  I lost my 10 cats December 3rd because of a fire, and it's been a nightmare since.  This is the first time in 25 years I've not had a cat to care for.  Spring and summer is going to be hard for me.  I always opened the windows every day for them to look out and enjoy the air and birds.  Like you, I hung a bird feeder in the tree nearest the bedroom window so they could enjoy the birds.  Now our house is gone, and that tree is going to eventually be chopped down.  The birdfeeders are laying on the ground against its trunk.  When we are back I want to put them in another tree for the birds, but...  The purpose for them was really for my cats.  I don't know how I'll do it.  They enjoyed it so much, and I can still see them in my mind's eye sitting there sniffing at the air or making the little chatter noises when they see birds.  Day by day, I suppose.  That's the only way through it.  I'm alone all day long until my husband and son are home from work and school.  I used to be fine with it and enjoy my alone time.  As long as I had my cats with me I was fine.  Now I feel so lonely all day long.  Unfortunately I have nothing left from my cats thanks to the fire.  My husband tried to find my Tadpole, Shimmer, and James' toys but couldn't.  I'm afraid they burned up.  All toys gone, dishes melted...  He couldn't even find the few pictures I had of them.  I have a few on facebook but can't bear to look at them right now.  It's always okay to cry for your kitties no matter their age.  Some of the kitties I lost - my Sweets and Tabs - were only 4.  James, Chloe, and Viv would be 5 April 16.  My oldest 2 were almost 10.  Just give yourself plenty of time to grieve and let it out.  Thinking of you, and I'm here if you ever need to message and talk to someone.  A lot of people don't understand pet grief and take it lightly.  That makes it even harder.