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My son died from blunt  head trauma at the scene of his motorcycle accident. He was 40.They advised us to not view his body, and although I kept saying I need to see him they said I shouldn't....now five months later I am wondering why I would listen to these people. I didn't get to see my son, and he was cremated.  I miss him so much its so painful. My husband and I cry every single day.   Those who have had a son is a motorcycle accident not wearing helmet , do you regret seeing him? 

How do you stop seeing him fly thru the air and hit the ground over and over in your mi nd?

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I am sorry for the loss of your son. My son also passed away in a motorcycle accident in October of 2012. It has been extremely traumatic. He was ran over in his own lane while going to a doctor's appointment 10 in the morning. The girl who ran him over is being charged so we are still in the court process.

 

I normally post in the Loss of an Adult child thread in the Loss of a Child Section. There is a group of wonderful moms and dads who "meet" and leave posts on a very regular basis. You are more than welcome to join us there.

 

 

http://forums.grieving.com/index.php/topic/41-loss-of-an-adult-child/

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I am sorry for your loss. My son was killed in a motor vehicle accident and it was instant it was multiple blunt force trauma but the wife and I made the ME pull his body out of the truck and we said goodbye to him that night in the street. I do not regret that at all in fact I don't think I could of lived without it. He had head trauma and broken bones his legs and neck arm a real mess but I had to see him and then at the funeral home the next day also. No regrets. 

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My son's body was not able to be viewed. I won't go into details. I just wanted you to know that I understand what you mean about imagining his last moments. My heart hurts for you. (Hugs)

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Heartbroken momma, my brother, Ethan, took his life at 19 by throwing himself in front of a pickup on the freeway. I heard the collision from my apartment and arrived on the scene shortly afterwards. Other witnesses already had him covered with a blanket, but I knew his shoes and I also knew what he had told me as he ran from the room. They said he died instantly of "massive head and chest trauma." When my mother and I got to the funeral home, they advised us not to see him and we took their advice. He was also cremated. We buried him in our younger brother, Clark's, grave. Clark drown in an accident not quite three years before. My mom and I both regretted not seeing Ethan afterwards. I don't know what the answer is. I know my brother is gone and nothing will ever bring him back, and in retrospect, it was probably better not having that be the last picture of him in our heads. It was hard enough seeing Clark after the drowning. When my child died in July, I held her until she took her last breath and a few minutes beyond and I HAD to leave or I think I'd have lost my mind.

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Heartbroken Momma, 

 

My boyfriend was killed in a really violent car accident. It doesn't feel real to me because I did not see him afterwards. I keep thinking he will come home because, even though we buried him, I didn't see him dead. Part of me is glad that I didnt, I do not want to remember him that way, but I still feel like he is alive somewhere.. 

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So sorry for your loss. I am new to this forum and I wanted to say that I lost my mother after an 8-year battle with brain cancer when I was 12. My younger brother developed schizophrenia and in a psychotic episode, he took my father's life. I was 21. My brother took his own life in 2011. 

 

My mother was buried with her family and she had an open casket. It was healing for me to be with her one last time. I put my hand on her chest and I didn't feel it rise, no heart beat. It made it real for me. It was peaceful.

 

My father tried to defend himself. My brother had a knife, stabbed him and pushed him over a balcony. He had some damage to his face and I didn't care, I really wanted an open casket. They did this for me and he was then cremated. I did not recognize my dad in the casket. It resembled him but not exactly. I was alone in the room with him, and I'm glad I did see him. I don't know if not seeing him would have changed much, but I don't regret seeing him.  

 

I remember seeing both my parents in caskets and I remember seeing them alive. In the long run, I remember them as alive. When I dream about them, neither looks like them, but they feel and act like them so I know it's them.

 

I was advised to not see my brother. He had stabbed himself multiple times and was found several days later in a culvert. A city worker found him. At this point I knew what a body in casket looked like so it was okay. He was cremated and we held a service for him. The circumstances of his death are strange, and at the time of his death I didn't see him regularly and only talked to him over the phone. He was in a Mental Health facility and it was a day trip to see him, as it took a few hours to get to the facility. I am happy for him, to find peace. Perhaps my grieving process with my brother started when my father passed.

 

Does seeing/holding a body help with grieving? I don't know. I know I don't regret seeing the body. 

 

Even when I saw the body of my father, it still didn't feel real. My father didn't prepare for death like my mother had. His death was a shock. I tried to touch his body, like I did with my mother, but my hand was on his so briefly, I just couldn't.

 

Afterwards, it felt like my dad was just gone on a long vacation. That at some point in the future, he would show up with bags covered in stickers and he would tell us of his adventures.

 

Missing them is an understatement.

 

I would give everything to feel a hug from my mom.

 

It's normal to feel like they will be coming back. But you are right when you feel like they are alive somewhere. They live in your memories and dreams.

Keep talking about him.

 

The death and the pain and the loss part are a brief moment in this whole relationship you had with them that is their life. Keep them alive with you.

 

Thoughts and prayers. You all made me cry.

 

 

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Heartbroken Momma,

 

    My son was also lost in a tragic car accident with two cousins.  We were not able to see my beautiful son either, and I too had visions of him walking through our front door.  It's so hard when you see them having a great time with family or friends, and then all of a sudden they are taken from you.  It's been almost ten years, and some days are better than others.  I do try and stay positive as best I can, and journal a lot which helps.  I also find that helping others also helps in the healing proess.  God Bless you!

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Hello all.. Im use to be here when I first loss my son  nearly 5 years ago .. then I left and I left the town I lived in and went right over the other side of Australia into Desert country ... and in a couple weeks is his date he died.  I saw him several times after his accident at the hospital and at the funeral home. The police said I shouldnt and I ignored them and I never regreted that.  I took photos too but I never had them developed and I deleted them about a year after. They helped me somehow come to the reality that My big boy Ben was gone.  When I went to the hospital I asked for a first aid kit and I cleaned up some blood still running from his head injuries from his ears and I put bandaids on some scratches and cuts on his face. He hit a small truck from behind at over 260 klms per hour.. on his motor bike because he wanted to reach 300 klms per hour.  So his body was broken .  His face looked beautiful his eyes were open and amazingly blue and the light on the first day still reflecting in them .. I thought he was still alive.  I went back every day for 4 days ..in late afternoon and I hugged him and held his hand then I would turn the lights out and say good night Ben.  Im forever grateful those nurses supported me and on the last day I had there at the hospital they turned his trolley bed around .... they would bring him from the freezer and set him nicely up for me like he was sleeping in a room.... they turned the bed the other side and I could see more damage then on his face and it not so pretty .. but I knew the nurses needed me to move on so they could send his body to be autopsied.  I thanked them and thought I not see him again... his girlfriend and family had taken over all rights to the body and shut me out... please young ones write a will because your GF or BF is defacto and they have rights over the body unless you say differently in the will...  I lived near the funeral home and they decided to wait 2 weeks to bury him  ..what hell of a thing to do for no reason except want to bury him on the 13th of the following month because 13 was his favorite number .. so I went to the funeral home and said you have my son and I want to see him.  They said you are not the client and I said Im his mother I birthed him and I tell you right now that I was the first to see him into this world and Im going to be the last one to see him out.  and thats what I did .. I visited him at the home and the girls family had cut so much hair off his head and put it into little bags and given out to all these people ... what the hell that about .. but I did my thing I put roses all over him and his favorite chocolate bars..king sized and I sat and talked to him and I wiped the bloody makeup of his face they put on .. and its true he didnt look the same and he looked dead really dead... but that was my sons physical body and I as any mummy would do fussed and fluttered around him till the coffin lid was sealed on .. and Im so glad  I did .. I dont think I could have survived till now if I hadnt.  So dont hesitate .. go and see to the body you have loved and remember this that its just the darling broken body but the spirit the very essence the DNA is all with our creator and he promises to restore our loved ones back to us ...soon.  Each day a day closer to fussing and fluttering around my Ben again.. my heart to you all that read this.  xx

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My father died in a car crash in December. I did not view his body as I do not live in the country where it happened. However, another relative did view it (they had to confirm identity by law) and although they said it was very difficult, my father's body was intact and they were able to kiss him goodbye, although their were parts of his head that were covered. I think it was their way also of saying love has to transcend even the difficult decisions and that the body is not the person but at the same time you have to love your relative whatever state their body is in and say goodbye.

 

After the Sandy Hook massacre I remember reading this article by the mother of one of the children that was killed and I thought it made perfect sense at the time, her describing why she chose to have an open casket at her son's funeral;

 

“I owed it to him as his mother, the good, the bad, the ugly… It is not up to me to say I am only going to look at you and deal with you when you are alive, that I am going to block out the reality of what you look like when you are dead. And as a little boy, you have to go in the ground. If I am going to shut my eyes to that I am not his mother. I had to bear it. I had to do it.”

 

http://www.inquisitr.com/469181/noah-pozners-mom-describes-newtown-victims-body-and-why-we-should-all-listen/

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It seems that I am probably going to be the one with the differing opinion on his forum, but that's okay. 

My fiancé was killed in a car vs. train collision. Blunt force trauma was the cause of death due to a brain avulsion. He also had a broken right left, broken jaw, and broken nose. The only viewable part of him was his left arm. And as much as his mother and I wanted to see his face one last time we took the advice of the funeral home and did not. 

And I don't regret that decision for a single moment. 

I've read on this post that many people felt obligated to view their loved one, as if not viewing them would suddenly renounce all the love they carried for that person. That's simply not true. In my case, I felt obligated not to see his face again. I knew my fiancé, and I knew that he would never want his broken head to be my last memory of him. He would want me to remember the beautiful face that I as so familiar with, with eyes full of life and a smile on his lips. The trauma of what he went through would never be able to be unseen, and so I decided to remember him as he would have wanted me to. 

I feel that any loved one would feel the say way. No one wants to be seen at their lowest point, and no one wants to be remembered as a broken body on the road/slab or in a coffin. 
So, be sad. But try not to feel bad about not seeing his body. I am sure that he would not want you to remember him that way. 

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I am so sorry for your loss, Heartbroken Mamma, and  for the other losses too. Death is not pretty. It fact, it is messy.

My husband did not die from a violent death. It was sudden because he had a heart attack and I was there holding him in my arms. I watched every single expression of his face in those moments, the spasms of his body as he was struggling to breath for about 10 minutes. After that, nothing. Blank stare... He was gone.

I have had flashbacks from that day for the last 4 months almost daily. 

I did not want to have a viewing with an open casket because my husband was a private person and wouldn't have like others to stare at him at his lowest moment, like Clari said. In addition to that, he was mine. I did not want to share him with anyone in those moments. It was only for us as husband and wife. I did not have a choice as my mother-in-law threw a fit at the funeral home and I did not have the energy to fight back. 

The man in the casket was not my husband. My beautiful man was gone and someone else was in  there.

Now I regret letting all those people look at his body.

The church ceremony was with a closed casket because it was draped in the American flag given that Walter was in the Army. I was very grateful for that. 

I had the luxury to spend my last moments with my husband in total privacy with no one around. Those moments were precious to me. He was cremated after that. 

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I think, if the dead body is possible to shown then it should be shown to the family members and if the body is so damaged in the incident like accident, then its better not tho show the body.

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My friend was t-boned on his motorcycle (not his fault) and wasn't wearing a helmet. His family had a open casket to scare us all (we were in HS). He didn't look anything like we knew and it did scar us. My mom died a month ago in ICU incubated on a ventilator. I can't imagine not being there but I HATE that the last memories I have and last visuals I have are of that. It literally haunts me every night!!! I personally think it is best you didn't see your son like that. You may hate your choice but you choose the better of the two. You would not want to be haunted by that visual for the rest of your life. 

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I did view my mom and now I can't get the vision out of my mind it dint resemble her the guy damaged her so badly she was bruised over 90 % of her body her face was so swollen she looked Chinese I fealt the urge to apologize for what that man did to her I fealt if I touched her I'd break her more......

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