Members frankly Posted March 4, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 I made it through Jerry's Birthday. I lit the bonfire that he and I had built in our front yard. Then Sunday I spread some of his ashes on his Mom and Dads grave. I stood and talked to them. I told them how much I love their son and thanked them. It was the one thing that Jerry had made me promise I would do. I did feel a sense of relief that his wishes were complete. This morning, I didn't wake up crying. In fact, I've only cried a few times today. That is progress. Day after tomorrow is our anniversary. I think I'm going to try to start writing about him again. I'm back in a flat area. Sad but almost numb again. I prefer numb to the constant feeling of panic and tears. Today is three months since the accident. It has felt like a lifetime of torment and sadness. I have begged for a break, just a moment for the pain to ease. I've lost whole days, weeks....... that I really don't even remember. It seems I've gotten that break for now. Numb is good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Karen.Lyn Posted March 4, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 I'm so glad you're getting a break. It will happen more often later. I'm on a plateau myself but I don't know if it's normal or because my mind has been on the law suit. I have court on Friday and I hope that's the last of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members frankly Posted March 6, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted March 6, 2014 I made it through our Anniversary. For some reason the Anniversary was worse than the Birthday. Thanks to some wonderful people on this forum, who sat up with me online till midnight, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Just knowing that someone in this world cared and held my hand online, meant the world to me. Thank You. For three solid months, the pain was horrendous. Now I'm going up and down. I've started thinking about how to live the rest of my life alone. There will not ever be anyone else. Even if I didn't have MS, there still would never be anyone else. My heart will always be with Jerry. I fear the future without him. Instead of dwelling on it all the time, I've been trying to wake up each morning and remind myself that no one is guaranteed tomorrow, so all I have to worry about is today. Just get through today.......... The worst of the holidays are past for me I believe. It seems that ever since he died, I've been hit with one after the other. Easter will be hard, but nothing like our Anniversary was I'm sure. I'm no longer debating with myself weather to live or die. I've chosen to live. That in itself is a huge progress for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Deleted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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