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Don't Leave me Behind


frankly

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Please don't leave me behind.  I've walked with you.  I've held you.  I've supported you.  I've loved you beyond imagination.  I've explored with you.  Laughed with you.  Cried with you.  Dreamed with you.  Guided you and been guided by you.  

 

Please, please don't leave me behind to face this world without you.  Alone.  I need you to help me face this.  I need your protection, your comfort, your love...........  I need you more than I have ever needed anyone or anything in my life.

 

I can't do this.  Please take me with you.  Don't leave me behind.

 

I'm in a dark dark place.  Please tell me I'll make it.  That it isn't going to hurt like this much longer.  That it will start to get better soon.  Please tell me that I'll be able to smile again some day, maybe even laugh.  Please tell me that I will care about life again.  That I will enjoy something, anything, again.

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I can tell you it will get better because I'm 6 months ahead of you. I've smiled and laughed. And I've felt guilty for doing it. Then learned to leave the guilt behind. There are lots of hills and valleys. I'm on the flat today hoping to find a hill with a nice view while trying to avoid traveling through the valleys because they're dark and when I go in I don't know if I can find the way out. 

 

I know those dark places and I want to help if I can. Call me, any time.

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Barbara, it will get better, I promise you it will, just hang in there. You are not alone, we all here are going through what you are going through or have been through it.  If you  don't know God,  maybe it is time to get in touch with him............ He has brought me through so many things in my life, If I didn't have him to  fall back to, I don't even know if I would be here today. Barbara find you a hobby --- something to help take your mind off of your pain.. Just remember you won't always feel as bad has you do now. If might tomorrow things will get better, if not tomorrow than maybe the day after etc. etc. but it will come!!!!   God bless you Barbara

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Frankly - your post made me cry.  I know exactly how you feel, I have felt the exact same way.

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You weren't talking to me but I'll tell you what you asked anyway:


 


- You'll make it.


- It will get better.  The "catch" is that it's a very gradual thing, so don't exactly expect to be dancing among the rainbows tomorrow, but know you're headed in the right direction, whether you realize it or not and whether it seems it or not (often it will not).


- You'll be able to smile and laugh again.


- You will care about life again.


- You will enjoy life again.


- You CAN do this.


 


Also pls consider that being without him does not have to equate to being alone, though that feeling is naturally pervasive right now.  Remember you've just started your journey through this stormy path.  


 


You 2 are traveling down different - but I think still parallel -  paths.  So you see you are not "left behind," but moving to a similar place 2 different ways.  The key takeaway there is that ultimately, one day, you will be together again.  Until then, you might as well get whatever you can out of life.  Hang in there.


 


 


 


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I can't add much to what others have said already, but I promise you that it will get better.  You will care about life again and you will enjoy things again.  I know it isn't easy to believe that right now, but life will get better!

 

 

 

 

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I lost my dear wife three weeks ago after nearly 50 years of happy marriage. I have read the posts and gained great comfort from them.I also feel left behind and would much rather it was me than her who passed away. I miss her so much it hurts real bad. I have read  that it helps to talk but I have no one to talk to. I have two sons but they have their own grief and don't need me adding to theirs. I gain some comfort I the fact that I think she knew how much I loved her as we were childhood sweethearts. Life is so cruel at the moment ,cant eat,cant sleep do not want to be awake. Friends telephoning but their word only make me worse. Please share your experiences with me so I can see a little chink of light in this dark tunnel

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Brijac...I too lost the love of my life three weeks ago...I completely understand where you are right now ...Life does not have much meaning or joy at the moment...It's a struggle to just get up in the morning...Pam and I were married 32 years...She was diagnosed with liver cancer last October and passed away January 30,2014. The last four months are a blur in my  mind and now I find myself alone with a broken heart. I am also new to this support group, having just joined this morning...There are so many kind and caring people here who share the same loss we do. I hope that I can gain some comfort and understanding about my grief as well as maybe give comfort to others. keep posting and sharing as I think you will find others that are willing to share with you.

To Frankly: Reading your post made me weep uncontrollably...I so understand how you feel at the moment. You put in words all the pain and sorrow that I feel but cannot explain to those who have not experienced this kind of loss. I cannot take away your pain but please know that you are not alone.I hope we can one day find some peace in our hearts.

 

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Thank you for sharing Newbie. I have had so many people telling me that my dear wife will leave me a sign. I worry because after a month there has not been any sign. I gain a lot of comfort from the Church but am having trouble at the moment  working out how my wife will know me when I pass away. I never had this problem in the past but now  my wife has died I am probably questioning myself and my religion so hard. There is a bereavement group meeting next Tuesday and I was wondering if it is a bit too early in my grief process to be Attending? I would appreciate any help with this decision,.

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Hello Brijac, i am new to this site (i lost my boyfriend 2 weeks ago) and I am feeling so sad right now but i wanted to tell you that I believe there is not such thing as too early in your grieving process. If you feel in your heart and mind that going to the meeting would help you or at least you want to try it, then go.
And if you do go tell us how it went.

 

Hello Frankly, I was also in tears as i read what you wrote it describes how i feel too.

I find it hard to believe that things will get better but lets hope and try the best we can even though there are days (maybe most days) that we dont feel like it.

 

 

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How will your wife know you when you pass??  On she will!! She absolutely will!  It is our spirits that are intertwined, not our physical bodies.  Your wife will be waiting there for you.  She may even come to take you back with her when your time comes.  Don't worry, she is going to know you and you will be together again.

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Thank you all for your responses.  I know that you face this the same as I.  Nothing anyone can say eases the pain.  But sharing it, helps make me feel like I'm not totally alone.  I wish that none of us had to face this.

 

Thank you my friends.

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Went to the door of the bereavement office last night,but could not cross the threshold. I was a complete nervous wreck. Spoke to friends about it today as I was quite upset. The general consensus of opinion is that I am pushing myself to hard. It is still not quite a month since I lost my dear wife. Will hope to go to the next meeting in a months time. Thanks to all for your kind comments .

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A friend sent me the following link as she said the song seemed to fit my grief and my hopes for heaven and reuniting with my Tom.

 

 

The name of the song is "Worn" and it's sung by a Christian group named Tenth Avenue North

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Brijac, I know for me it took 6 months before I was able to step foot in that office - I went twice but ultimately decided the group setting wasn't for me. One on one therapy has been most helpful & reading the posts in this site to validate that I'm not losing my mind. Do not feel bad about not being able to go in, keep talking to those friends that show you empathy - they are the ones you will need by your side as you walk this difficult road. People told me that I should try to do something everyday. Some days that meant just being able to take the dog for a walk & that was enough. You can only go as fast as you can go, pushing through it will not lessen the pain IMO, for me it was just taking each emotion as it came, when it came, and dealing with it in that moment. 13 months later that's still what I'm doing. Hugs to you.

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thisishard   - thank you for your message. One point I took from your post is that you are trying to do one thing each day. I think that is an excellent idea and I will try this. I have just spent a day away from home with my two sons  as I was beginning to think I was the only one grieving. I  realised that they were in the same position also. Thank you for your suppoort

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Help please I am really struggling at the moment. % weeks since my dear wifes death after 49 years of wonderful loving marriage.I miss her so much and have nobody to tell about how much I miss her. There are times when I feel I am going crazy and my head is fit to burst. I know there are many other people on this forum who have gone through this or who,in fact, are still going through it . Any advice please Brijac

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I wish I had the perfect thing to say to you that would calm your fears and rest your heart but unfortunately there isn't.  What works for one doesn't necessarily work for the other.  I do know the panic and fear that sets in when you realize that the life you lived for the last 40+ years is changed in a huge way.  My husband and I were together for 34 years.  I can't even imagine living the rest of my life alone.

 

I will pray for you, that you can find just a moments peace in this hell of a life we are stuck in now.

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(((brijac)))  Hugs!!!  Lord I know that feeling.  Sometimes I will feel so panicked that I don't even feel comfortable in my own skin.  Like a trapped animal.  No where to run to.  No where to hide from it.  If it might help, post here to her.  Tell her, us and the whole world how much you love her and miss her.

 

That was what I was doing when I started this thread.  I was talking to him.  I had reached a point that I was going to explode if I didn't get it out.  For me, it helped.  Maybe it will for you too.  It is safe here, we all understand.

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backyarder1

Brijac it helps to find someone who you can call when you need to. I have found some people through local grief support groups and some from this website but I also reached out and called almost everyone I could think of who is a widow or widower. Don't be afraid to reach out to people.

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Brijac - I too wish I had answers or the right words to ease your pain. Please reach out to people and learn some relaxation techniques. In the beginning, right after I lost my Tom, I had to learn how to just breathe.

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Thank you all for letting me release some of my emotions. I miss my dear wife so much. I really cannot believe  or understand that she has gone forever.I just cant get the thought of her going out of my mind - it is with me constantly. Family and friends have suggested that I should start to sort through her personal effects like jewellery and clothing and pass them on. Everytime I look at them it breaks my heart. What is the normal time to keep personal items for?It is only 6 weeks since my dear wife died and I feel this is to early to dispose of her clothes etc. They say letting go of her effects is a type of closure. I don't really understand that!Thank you again Brijac

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brijac - I can only speak from my own experience, but here goes...

 

For many reasons I decided to move 6 weeks after my Tom passed away.  To accomplish that move I had to downsize.  I regret every single item I got rid of (gave away, donated, etc) during that process.  For me, going through my husband's things did not provide a sense of closure, only a greater sense of loss.

 

My advice, if you have the option, wait until the moment strikes you to go through your wife's things as that will happen.  I believe that the right time for you to deal with your wife's items is when you are strong enough and only you will know when that time comes.  Beware of significant decisions right now as grief clouds good judgement.  There are so many decisions that we can't undo.

 

I am so very sorry for your loss.  I pray that you find some peace soon.

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Alone = thank you for your kind words. I feel I will know when the time is right ,but it certainly is not at this moment. I will decide when to move my der wifes belongings and will not be swayed by family and friends advice of "closure"   brijac

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brijac - I pray you find strength along with peace as both are needed on this journey.

BTW - my Tom and I had many wonderful trips to the UK. We even managed to accomplish my Tom's life long dream of playing golf at St. Andrews.

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Hi friends I have just found a little peace. I purchased a small heart and have put some of my late wifes ashes in it. I hope this is an acceptable thing to do as I am completely new and just following my instincts as the forum recommends. Briajc

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Brijac - I purchased a cross pendent that has some of my husband's ashes in it and I wear it around my neck every day.  Just knowing he is with me always helps to some degree.

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Hi I'm new to this site and it is nice to read other people feelings to their grief and how it echos mine. It has been 7 months since my husband died after a sudden short illness.

A month ago I would have said I was doing well but now I have spiralled back into this angry depressed state. I have no patience with people and my dearest family and friends I am so angry with nothing in particular just annoyed that their life is going on and they have a special someone in their life and I don't. Any advice before I sabotage my support network.

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Hi Cook,  I don't have any advice.  I haven't had an anger stage yet.  I'm still in survival mode.  I do know that "couples" trigger me.  It is just a constant reminder of what I no longer have.  At first it upset me that this world is even still turning.  If I could have, I would have made the whole world stop and screamed at it.......  Don't you know what is gone now!  How can anyone continue on in life like nothing happened!  Irrational I know, but that is the feelings I had.   I still have them some times.  My world stopped.  No one seemed to understand or appreciate what that meant.

 

Just wanted to post and let you know that we do understand what it means.

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I don't really get angry about other people's relationships.  I am still married as far as I'm concerned, as much now as I ever have been, he just isn't here physically.  Plus I'm older I suppose, if that would have anything to do about it.

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