lost my pets

[readergirl]

Hi everyone.

 

I lost one of my pets, Jada, a parrotlet on Dec 15, 2013.  She died in my hands.  I had a necropsy done and she had choked to death on her own regurgitation.  There was nothing I could have done.  The vet said that once a bird starts to choke, it's pretty much over.  She was a feisty little thing that was never scared of a fight.  She had attitude all right, but she was a momma's girl.  Even if she was crabby, if i could just pet her on her head, she would relax and calm down.  

 

Then last week, one of my lovebirds got sick.  Her name was Hermes.  She was sick on Tuesday and we took her in and that vet (a different one from the one I normally see) didn't worry too much and just said to keep her warm and by Friday night, she was at the vet's in an incubator.  She was so lethargic and wouldn't eat.  She was so weak.  The vet called me Saturday morning to tell me that Hermes didn't make it.  Two months to day that Jada passed, I had to relive this nightmare all over again.  They were both so young.  jada was 5 and Hermes was 4 1/2.  Hermes's necropsy report won't be in for a week or two.  I worry about her mate who had just adored her.  He kept looking for her.  Him and their son, Pepper.  I brought her body back to show the rest of the birds that she was gone.  Most chirped and ran in fear at the sight of her body, but Pepper and Chomper studied her and I know they knew she was gone.  Eventually Pepper ran into his sleeping hut and hid there.   They haven't looked for anymore since.  I hope it's nothing contagious because that would just break my heart.  My poor chomper.  He loved her so much and I know he's lonely cuz he kept cuddling with me and that's not like him at all.  He's a bird's bird.  

 

My heart hurts.  I am feeling this high level of anxiety like something bad is gonna happen at any given moment.  I feel my nerves just shaking at random times.  I have never had a panic attack, but I feel like if I were, that that is what it might feel like.  I can't stop crying.  I'm sad and I feel so very alone.  I know I'm not and I have some understanding people in my life.  My heart feels empty and I feel like I'm in a daze.  I feel like I can never emerge from this darkness.  

 

I just miss my girls so much.  They were enemies in real life.  OMG did they hate each other.  But now they're together, I'm sure, getting along a lot better on the other side.  I know they're still here with us, I just can't see them.  I took in the neighborhood's stray cat last month.  I blocked off the entry ways so he couldn't see my pets and they couldn't see him.  I've seen him kill birds before.  But it was so very cold with -45 windchills and he's a sweet thing and I couldn't leave him out there.  I've been feeding him for 4 years now so he trusted me.  Luckily he didn't have any fleas.  But while he was here, there were a couple times he would look curiously at the air and move his head and eyes around like he was seeing something fly around above him though nothing was there.  I swear my bird Jada was there checking him out.  I took him to a very low kill animal shelter so he can finally get a home he deserves.  In a way he was sorta like my kid too and I miss seeing him every night begging for food, knowing I would always feed him.

 

anyway.  thanks for reading.  feels good to just type all this out.

 

if you want, you can watch my youtube videos i made for jada and hermes.

 

 

 

[nammi_nammi]

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your birds.  I know it's so very hard.  I've got birds, too - parakeets.  Fortunately I was able to save them from the fire, unlike my cats.  I'm dealing with the anxiety, too.  I hate it.  It has to be one of the worst feelings in the world.  Mine is being complicated by worries about getting our burnt house torn down so we can get our new one on our property, so there's a lot on my plate right now.  Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind.  I vascillate between grief about my cats and crying/sobbing and then worrying to death about house matters and feeling like I can't breathe and heart pounding.  My anxiety is at an all-time high.  My thoughts are with you as you try to get through this.  Grief is so very hard, and you're grieving 2, so it's double.  It takes time.  Unfortunately a lot of people don't respect that, especially when it comes to pets.  Be gentle with yourself and know you can come here anytime and talk.