Normal?

[ekips]

I'm on the inside looking out my own eyes but not recognizing my life anymore. Nothing is familar.I am missing someone that is now only found within my heart and memories. Everything has changed since he left. Trying so hard to live as normal as I can but my normal..what is that anymore?? I'm trying to fit into my normal but not liking it at all. Do you know what its like to not like your own normal? Its overwhelming at times. I don't want to accept this new normal but it is how it is. My new normal is so trying..thought consumed..sad and empty feeling and managed by pretending. It goes from bad to worse..all awhile with a smile on my face. If I could only have a real smile again..one that doesn't hurt. How do I do this?? Searching for that answer and I think it buried deep within and I'm not sure how to

unbury it..I guard myself from others help. I don't need or want anymore pain to deal with and so I feel alone in figuring this out. Wondering how it will go and if I will live my new normal in a normal way ever.

[nammi_nammi]

I've had similar feelings myself since my home burned a couple months ago.  I'm in a different house for now - indefinitely, have different things around me, not even wearing my own clothes...  I'm not interested in doing the things I loved before.  My life doesn't feel like my life anymore.  I used to love my life, was so happy.  Now I hate it.  This isn't my life at all.  I don't even feel I have a normal right now.  I'm hoping once we get a house back on our lot I can try to continue on with my life somehow, but companies are leaving us hanging as far as knocking down our house - and I'm having a hard time with that.  That house was my life and my normal.  I was the crazy cat lady, and the fire took all my cats.  I have none now.  I don't feel like me.  I don't know who I am anymore or how to carry on.  I barely get through the day trying to get a little cleaning done or something.  Finally at night I get really tired so sleep but then wake up to it all over again.  

[Guest Kirbibizzle]

Dear ekips,

 

As much as it pains me to admit it, but this is our new normal. Things will never be the same again after such a tragedy.

 

I lost my dad a little over a week ago and I really don't feel like the same person anymore. He was the one person I relied on for everything. I really want to be happy again, but it seems impossible at times knowing he's not here to share that happiness with me. Sometimes it just seems like there's no point of even going on with life without him to share my life with. I'm currently only getting out of bed nowadays just to take the dog out and to check the mail, that's about it.

 

Talking to someone could help, but even then it's hard to find the right words to say. There aren't words to express how it feels to lose someone you've loved so deeply. That's why I post on here as much as I can, so that maybe someone can relate to my story and know they aren't alone. It helps to ease the pain in some weird way.

 

Everyone is different and everyone grieves at their own pace. It's going to take time, a lot of pain, and a lot of reflection but we won't always feel this empty. 

 

It may seem hopeless right now, but it's not all as hopeless as it seems. Though I sometimes don't believe it myself, I know I will one day be with my dad again. There will always be the one day that you will see your son again. Though you can't see him right now, just know he's watching you and looking after you, just in the way you looked after him. He would want you to keep going no matter how painful it gets. He would want you to be happy, not dwelling on this for the rest of your life.

[Guest Kirbibizzle]

Dear nammi_nammi,

 

I know how much pain there can be when you lose something you've worked so hard for. My father left this house to me and it just doesn't feel normal being here without him. Though it is the same house, without my dad, it doesn't feel like it anymore. It's so empty and cold without him sitting in his chair where he would always be. I would wake up every day to him being here, and now when I look over at his chair it just brings a sadness to me. This place is far too quiet without his physical presence. Though it may sound awful to say, sometimes I wish it would burn to the ground so I could start over. It was his house, not mine. It's filled with all of his things that he took pride in owning.

 

You have a chance at a fresh start in life, and you should take it. Don't let those material things you lost hold you back from being happy. Whatever sentimental items you lost were just that, items. They still exist in your heart and in your mind, even though you can't see them. They can never be replaced, but you can continue to treasure them. Much like any and all of our loved ones we've lost, they're still here.

 

As for your cats, that is indeed terrible. I know the pain of losing a pet too, and I think anyone who has ever had an animal can agree that it can be just as painful as losing a person you've grown close to. Pets are always there for you, they will love you unconditionally no matter what. People aren't always like that, which makes the loss of a pet that much harder.

 

Please know that your cats are up there waiting for you. You miss them and that's understandable. They'll be fine, they're in good hands. A higher power is watching over them until it's time for you to meet again. You might even be in your old house when you do in fact reunite.