Young and emotionally exhausted

[brittannys]

I recently posted a topic the other day because I was new to this site but I don't think that did my feelings any justice.

I'm 19 years old and my boyfriend of over a year, was soon to be my fiancée, was killed in a car accident on January 1 of this year. I've read everywhere that older people have acquired certain coping tactics because they've been through before or things like this.

I have no idea how to even begin to fathom how to cope with this. I feel like my days all run together. It's hard for me to even get out of bed. I'm looking for any advice as to how to handle this.

I have just started to accept that his gone and I think that's why I'm feeling the most pain. I cry myself to sleep at night and I don't even sleep all the way through the night. Nor do I have very pleasant dreams.

I've started seeing a therapist but I don't feel any comfort there.

If anybody young or older has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it. Hearing the words "it will get better" just doesn't help me. It seems like nothing does.

[Alone]

Just one thought for now....

 

There is no age at which "coping skills" will make losing the love of your life easier.  That is a cruel falsity.

 

It is irrational to compare pain.  My pain is my pain and it is intense.  It is not suddenly lessened because I am no longer 19.

[Yadairaisabel]

Im very sorry for your loss!! When my fiance passed away he was 24 and our daughter was 3 weeks old. Its been over a year now and I cant tell you it got greatly better or that Ive developed a great grief tactic but I can tell you that time has definetely help. When i first started to go thru this process many told me only time will help. Honestly i didnt want to hear that but ultimately they were right. It doesnt stop hurting and frankly it never will but only time will help you cope. And talk about your feelings write them down dont keep anything bottled up!!!!! I know this is not much help but just know that many people in this forum understand and are always willing to listen.

[DarlingD95]

So Sorry for your loss! I'll be 19 in a few months myself and my bf died last fall in a motorcycle wreck! It's hard, truly to go through this at a young age! And you're right, the therapy isn't really helpful is it? I still haven't learned to cope either! But then again I'm dealing with pregnant hormones too, lol! I guess time is the only thing that helps! I've noticed that it always hurts, always is horrid but the further away I get from his angel date it hurts less because I learn to accept that he's gone a lil more every day! If you want to talk I'm available!

[backyarder1]

Personally, I think the thing that helps the most is being around people who are truly supportive. To me, that means the people who listen, hug when needed, let me cry AND DON'T SAY ANYTHING STUPID. I swear, the stupid comments people say just drive me nuts.

It is hard to find people like that but in my case, I had to go out and look for them. I went to several grief support groups and I even got some friends from this website and when I was going through my roughest times, I called them or emailed them. I called almost everyone I knew who was a widow or widower and I just asked them "How did you get through the pain." I don't know if any of them had a single bit of advice but somehow, talking to them helped.

I honestly don't think there is any feeling in the world that is worse than the grief from losing a loved one and I don't think that it is age dependent. I lost my mother and my father but neither one of those things compares to losing the ONE person that you intended to spend your life with.

[Alone]

I've read everywhere that older people have acquired certain coping tactics because they've been through before or things like this.

I must admit that I was hurt and angry that there would be anything writen that would suggest that older people have better coping skills when it comes to the loss of their significant other. No loss of a friend, sibling or parent can prepare you for the loss of your life partner.

Please know that my emotions are directed at the authors of the written words that brittannys was exposed to and not at brittannys.

There are many of us on this site who are considered "older" or "old". Within that group there are many who do not have coping tactics because losing the love of your life in unique. Many of us don't really rember life before our special person entered our life. And we now can't imagine a life without that person. How many times have we said, heard, written or read "I don't know how to handle this... I don't know what to do... I don't think I can go on...." Those words come from all people of all ages, from men and women, and from all types of committed relationships.

Brittannys I am so very sorry for your loss.

[Tryingtohavehope]

I myself am only 31 and my boyfriend was 32! I lost my love on Jan 6th! He called me Dec. 28th crying saying something was wrong, he was rushed to the hospital and then life flighted to a major heart hospital! He had a series of mini strokes caused by an infection in his heart valve! He was scheduled for surgery on Thursday but I recieved a phone call from his mom letting me know Monday morning he passed! He had gone into cardiac arrest and they couldnt save him! I know my situation is very different than yours but it was very unexpected, as the doctors said he was getting better & stronger! The pain and the hurt is def different for everyone but I have found that just talking to people helps me tremendously! Don't push yourself either just try to take it day by day! Im here if youd like to talk and I am very sorry for your loss!