Sudden Death of My Loved One

[brittannys]

I recently lost my boyfriend on January 1. He passed away unexpectedly and I struggle with not having had the chance to say goodbye among other regrets and so forth. It's all so very new to me and I'm struggling with so many unanswered questions and have no idea how to even begin to start sorting through my emotions or what to even do with myself. I'm only 19 years old and I never thought I would see myself going through something like this and I hope to find some form of hope for the future by seeing those who are going through this and have tips to offer me. 

[backyarder1]

Hi Brittanys. I am so sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. It saddens me so much to see so many young people on this forum, but you have definitely found a good place for support.

First, everything that you are feeling is normal. We all wish we could have said more things to our loved one or treated them better or done something to change the course of events. And thinking about those things only makes our grief worse. That doesn't mean there is any easy way to stop those thoughts. It helps me some to KEEP talking to my husband. Even though he passed away on October 29th, I choose to believe that his spirit is still here so I talk to him every day and tell him how much I love him and miss him.

I think for most people, going to a grief support group helps. In my area, I think there are separate groups for younger people, such as yourself, who are experiencing the loss of a loved one. You can generally find grief support groups by contacting local hospices or hospitals.

I think one of the hardest things for me when I lost my husband was feeling like the ONE person who really loved me was gone. Now is the time to turn to your family or anyone else who loves you enough to just allow you to experience your grief. Make sure that they know that you NEED to grieve and that the best thing they can do for you is to not offer advice, but to just be there for you and hold you and allow you to grieve.

And keep coming back to this forum. It has helped me a lot.

[brittannys]

Thank you for your advice. I really do appreciate it. I do feel like I've lost the one that loved me in a way that nobody else could. We were planning a life together. We dated for over a year and just knew that we were going to have a life together soon some day once I was almost finished with school.

I do believe that his spirit is still here and I do talk to him when I can find the words. I visit him as often as I can where he's buried. I only wish I could hear him talk back. At first I was angry. Angry at him and angry at God I think a little bit. You never think it's going to happen to you, until it does. I know I experienced a love that most aren't able to in their entire lives and I'm grateful for that, I'm just struggling with why it even had to end in the first place.

I hope I stop crying at some point. It's hard to even get up most days. All I want to do is sleep but it's gotten to the point where I have horrible dreams, when all I really want is to see him again. People keep telling me I have a long time till I see him but that doesn't help me either. Just doesn't feel like it's even me who's going through this. I don't even want to go through it.

[brokenheart222]

I'm so sorry Brittany. Get to grief counseling. Even if your broke many times there are sliding scale fee clinics. It only helps a little but anything you can do for your mental health will be good. I'm so sorry. It's been 4 months for me & I'm still devastated. Hold onto your family if you can. Praying for your strength.. & I'm so sorry you have to go through this.