Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Am I healing or crazy????


redfish99999

Recommended Posts

  • Members

After four months of intense grieving over the loss of my wife of 56 years,  I have a crush on every woman that is not pregnant.......  not needing any more dependents............

 

Not Really...BUT

 

But I am beginning to take an active notice of the opposite sex......while, at the same time elevating the memory of my wife to the degree that ' none of them are good enough'...........

 

I just want a buddy.... or two.... not interested in marriage and having kids....just a buddy to visit, lunch and , if the relationship matures, take a trip or cruise together......

 

Am I getting better or going freakin' crazy???????

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

OMG Redfish, I feel exactly the same way. I just so much wish I had a male buddy. I don't want anything physical but would so love a guy that I could pal around with sometimes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I've caught myself doing a little harmless flirting so I'm going to guess it's part of the new normal.

 

my 2¢

 

Karen

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

WOW!  That is interesting.  Since it has only been 4 weeks since Terry died I can't imagine feeling like that but it does give me some hope..

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I have to Chime in here.. I have a male friend and let me tell you he is my very best friend! He has not taken the place of Jim by any means. Him and I have so much in common and can relate on a lot of things. He has been around for almost 9 months of my & the kids hell. He has helped me through some of the hardest times. I can honestly say I am not sure where I would be without him.

 

One thing that is the hardest is people always seem so quick to judge! I hate that! It doesn't matter what our relationship is what matters is that we understand it and its very important to us. I got so sick of explaining it to people that I no longer do! You can think what you want but I bet its not what you think!

 

I realized one day after one of my many rollercoaster emotional rides that no matter what has happen and how much I have pushed him away or gotten angry he is still there, listening to me cry my eyes out in pain at 3 am. That is what true friendship and love is. He and Jim were friends once upon a time and I truly believe that Jim placed him in my kids and I life for a reason! We need him...

 

With that said I have to pick him up at the airport tonight as he took a trip out of state for a few days. This actually had me in huge panic attack because in the past 9 months he has been there by my side and in the drop of a hat if I needed him! I am happy to say that I made it to today doing it all on my own! Big accomplishment!

 

So be happy if you can find a friend. Your loved one would want to see you smile and hear you laugh again! Whenever you do this is at your time not anyone elses~

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My first reaction to this post was "wow... I can't imagine"...

 

But after giving it some thought I think I better understand.  I miss "guy talk" and tire of "man bashing".  Most of the people I've met since moving back to MN are women and most of them are single by choice or widowed.  The single by choice are the one that do the man bashing.  I've not met anyone who enjoys watching professional sports and appreciation for professional sports is one gift my Tom gave to me.  My son is a foodie and not interested in team sports as a participant or spectator (he's a rock climber).  Maybe I should go to a sports bar tomorrow night to watch the Heat and OKC and just listen-in to the "guy talk" around me,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

thanks for the comments...

 

I expected some judgmental condemnation.......but none......

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

It's good for you! None of it's crazy! I have met man friend that has really gotten more through a lot of rough patches..he does not replace my husband at all. .. it's nice to have some one to talk with and it's really good to have some listen to me at my worst He helps me get out and do things and he is great with my girls that sre also on s emotional rollercoaster. He is so patient with us .I to have tried to push him away but he stays around. .I call him my gift from John cause he can't be here so he sent someone to help me. .. and I to quit worrying about what people think! There are not in our shoes!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

redfish99999 - I think you gave us food for thought.  We sometimes get so caught up in the sadness that we don't recognize what else is going on.  And sometimes it feels like such a risk to share the other things we are feeling and/or thinking, so thank you for risking and sharing -:)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My first reaction to this post was "wow... I can't imagine"...

 

But after giving it some thought I think I better understand.  I miss "guy talk" and tire of "man bashing".  Most of the people I've met since moving back to MN are women and most of them are single by choice or widowed.  The single by choice are the one that do the man bashing.  I've not met anyone who enjoys watching professional sports and appreciation for professional sports is one gift my Tom gave to me.  My son is a foodie and not interested in team sports as a participant or spectator (he's a rock climber).  Maybe I should go to a sports bar tomorrow night to watch the Heat and OKC and just listen-in to the "guy talk" around me,

Alone~ I actually went out the other night by myself! It was nerve racking at first but actually felt kinda good! Let me know if you ever want to do dinner or something!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

It's good for you! None of it's crazy! I have met man friend that has really gotten more through a lot of rough patches..he does not replace my husband at all. .. it's nice to have some one to talk with and it's really good to have some listen to me at my worst He helps me get out and do things and he is great with my girls that sre also on s emotional rollercoaster. He is so patient with us .I to have tried to push him away but he stays around. .I call him my gift from John cause he can't be here so he sent someone to help me. .. and I to quit worrying about what people think! There are not in our shoes!

I feel the same way about my friend! I truly believe he was gift from Jim! I mean why else would a guy stick around a woman that is divorced, widowed, has 3 kids (2 that have special needs and medical issues) and is a hot mess!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I'm glad this topic was posted.  I thought I might be crazy myself.  I don't want a relationship or anything physical, but it would be nice to have a male friend to talk to, share a meal with occasionally, or be able to be at the house when I have to have people come over for estimates so it doesn't look like I'm alone.  Just a good hug would be nice. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I am really hoping that a man will take notice of me again one day but I doubt it will happen. I'm 57 and feel ugly as hell, fat and ugly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

HeyJude - don't forget that our "crazies" affect how we see ourselves.  I think you are suffering from "no compliment" syndrome ... I know I am.  From your posts I can imagine your husband telling you how pretty you are... how nice you look... or nice you smell.  We don't hear that anymore and that's just one more sadness we have to endure.  Please be kind and gentle with yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Maybe we should all go out and go on a date and come back and compare stories. I can just imagine how long our dates would last as we sat there and compared them to our spouses!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

That's an idea Betsy.... But I think that I would feel so guilty for being there, that I couldn't even be able to compare.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Sammijo, I am REALLY feeling lonely and sorry for myself this week. I'm trying very hard to develop new friendships but it really isn't the same thing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Me too...feeling sorry for myself.  There isn't a man on the face of the earth who could even compare to my Jerry.  Jerry was the best ever and there is no way I could replace him.  It would have to be a miracle which I don't see happening.

 

I'm really not that old, 57, yet I feel like an old old woman who is just waiting to die.  I feel like there will be no happiness for me and I want it to just hurry up and be over with.  Crap, just my luck I'll live into my 90's, alone and sad.  This sucks!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

HeyJude, we will never find anyone like my Donna or your Jerry, they can never be replaced. But that doesn't mean that we can't find someone different to share things with, or travel with,or  just hang out with.   We can't ever compare them  to what we had, because if we do that, we might as well be alone.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I know traveler...I can't compare anybody to Jerry.  Jerry was Jerry.  I do hope that I will meet a nice man soon.  I have a really good friend who is a guy and he hugs me and this past weekend he came over with 4 other men and totally cleaned up my 5 acre yard.  This friend of mine is so nice, he is really sweet, handsome, gives the best hugs.  I could see myself with him but you know what?  I can't.  I don't know what it is, I just can't.  He tells me all the time that he loves me.  Saturday he told me he loves me and that he has for a long time.  I guess I'm just not ready, huh?  I feel like I'd be doing something wrong, cheating or something.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I don't see this the same way that some others do. I think that God's spirit is an energy that is around us all the time and wants us to know love. And I think that Tom's spirit is with God now. Since God wants me to know love again, so does Tom, because God and Tom are one now.

I'm not talking about sex. I am talking about LOVE. The same kind of love that all of you show me when I am really down in the dumps. THAT is love. God wants us to BE love and to GIVE love and to RECEIVE love. Don't think of the sexual aspect of it. That will come later if the time is right. But don't ever, ever close your heart to love.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

HeyJude, I just wanted to tell you that I am jealous that you have a man like that in your life! I keep "expecting" Tom's friends to want to come help me with stuff and none of them do. I know it isn't good to have expectations, and I am working on that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
MissingDaniel

I don't see this the same way that some others do. I think that God's spirit is an energy that is around us all the time and wants us to know love. And I think that Tom's spirit is with God now. Since God wants me to know love again, so does Tom, because God and Tom are one now.

I'm not talking about sex. I am talking about LOVE. The same kind of love that all of you show me when I am really down in the dumps. THAT is love. God wants us to BE love and to GIVE love and to RECEIVE love. Don't think of the sexual aspect of it. That will come later if the time is right. But don't ever, ever close your heart to love.

Betsy -

 

I really like the way you put that.  It brought tears to my eyes.  I think all of us sometimes want to shut all that out because we can't imagine replacing the one we lost.  But you are right - what it's really about is letting ourselves stay open to giving and receiving love.  I'm sure that's something that would do us all some good!  Even with my children there to take care of, and with them giving me so much love, the lonliness some days is just overwhelming and all-consuming.  I am trying to have faith that eventually it won't hurt so bad.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Believe me, I know exactly what you mean, Andrea. I have been lonely as hell lately, which I am sure is obvious in my posts. But I'm still not going to lose faith in the possibility of a brighter future.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

You hit the nail on the head Betsy.  That is what it is all about.  That is why we are here.  I have heard it said that our spirits learn better here on earth than over there.  That is why we come here, to learn to love.  Real love like you talked about.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
brokenheart222

You're not crazy... I truly believe we go through love withdrawals. It's so normal to look at people w/ greedy eyes because it's been so long since you've been lived and cared for in the way you were accustomed to. I swear this is sometimes the hardest part.Missing being touched and supported with love & encouragement. It's completely normal. But can definitely make you feel crazy. Hang in there. It's been 4 months for me as well. I'm praying to be ok being alone...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.