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Lost in this world


Mr.Silva

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 I'm drowning in my head, a pool of memories faces I can hardly remember names stick out but only pictures keep me connected. My first loss was in 1998, my mother was shot and killed in the parking lot of a 7-11. Still the killer to my knowledge is at large to this day. My best friend and I joined the Marine Corps together in 2001, he lost his life in 2002 to a fluke accident during the initial invasion of Iraq. I have also lost many other good friends while deployed to Iraq 04-05. In Nov 2005 after I finally returned from being over seas, my younger brother passed away from Cystic Fibrosis at the age of 22, an illness he had been battling since birth. In 2009 another one of my very close friends almost a brother to me killed himself, he struggled with the demons of war and PTSD. And just this last November I found my dad laying motionless in the garage, I proceeded to preform CPR on him while I waited for emergency personnel arrive. He was suffering from live cancer and had a heart attack... Now I'm the only one left in my immediate family, and I struggle to see any hope in my future, i'm surrounded by loss and sadness, I wonder why I'm left on this planet to fend for myself with no love from family members. Just my cats, and the idea that time heals all wounds, but what about a calloused scared heart, and a weary mind? 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Silva,

 

I am sorry to read of your losses...I lost my son to a motorcycle accident in Oct of 2012 when someone ran him over in his own lane. This is my second child death...

 

I thought perhaps if you post in the loss of a parent thread that more people would be able to respond to you...

 

Loss is takes its toll on a person and you have had more than your share...is there a way you can talk with other war vets in a support group setting?

 

Found this web site may be of help for vets

 

http://maketheconnection.net/events/death-family-friends

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Mr. Silva...

 

My heart is breaking for you, buddy.  So much loss...so much sorrow...but I also sense a lot of courage in you.  Being here...letting my emotions out...yelling...crying...and also trying to support others going through the same thing has been a lifeline to me.  You are not alone...although we don't know each other I will listen to you...whatever you have to say...doesn't matter.  My online friends post on the "Loss of an Adult Child" thread, but that doesn't matter.  Loss is hard no matter what age.  You would be welcomed there with hope and compassion for your loss.  There are a few of us who post daily.  Laurie is one of them.  I know her boy Jesse, and she knows my son, Brooks, and that is what keeps me going.  I think you would like us...and there are people there who have so much comfort and wisdom about all of this.  

 

I thought there was no hope for me as well.  Brooks was my only son and that hurts so much.  We were very close...like you and your dad it seems, but you gotta hold on, man...both hands really tight.  Talking about Brooks to my "new family" is helping me heal.  I don't know if what I have to offer will be much solace to you, but I will be here for you to talk to if you need me.  We all will be there for you.  My wife just retired from the army after 28 years, so she is trying to find her way now too.

 

I will be thinking about you and hoping to talk with you.

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