Lost my grandfather

[jenniferc02]

My grandpa died on Tuesday, January 14, 2014 and we had the funeral on Saturday, January 19, 2014.  The funeral was not at all comforting as the officiant was very inexperienced, I thought.  I am having a very hard time coping as we did not have a lot of notice.  My grandpa fell ill around Thanksgiving and a few weeks later he was diagnosed with end stage pancreatic cancer.  I did not have the closest relationship with him, despite staying at him and my grandma's house every third weekend (split between my sisters' and I), as he was a hard man to get close to, but I did love him.  Towards the end of his life, he let his defenses down and even told me he loved me.  I am having a hard time coping as we did not have a lot of notice, and I feel so bad for my grandma as it is her husband that has died.  I hate the fact that she is alone.  Another reason is I don't know where my Grandpa is.  I want to believe he is in heaven, but he was not a christian and spent his life denying God.  Towards the end of his life, on the last night he was in the hospital before being transported to the nursing home, he did let a pastor pray for him, but I will never know if he accepted Christ.  Any comments on coping techniques would be helpful.

 

Thanks,

Jennifer

 

P.S. - I understand this is a jumbled message, please forgive me as I am typing through tears and am very tired.

[remainhopeful]

_Jennifer-

_{So sorry to hear about your loss.  In November I lost a very good friend to stage 4 colon/liver cancer.  The end for him came very fast.  Because of not having any blood relatives in his life, he came to live with my family 3 months before he died.  It was very challenging to watch someone suffer in that way.  Death opens the door to so many raw feelings.  One of the things that has proven to help me is my faith as a Christian and ESPECIALLY  looking into the Bible.  I remind myself about what the Bible says at Deut 32:4 that all God's ways are just and fair.  He is the one that knows truly what your grandpa was feeling, why he struggled with being a believer and sharing his feelings.   Evidence of his softening is manifest by him being open to having someone pray on his behalf and being moved to say he loved you. Hold those memories close to your heart.   Take comfort in knowing that God according to 1 Chron 29:17 is the examiner of hearts.  He looks for reasons to do good toward others including those who have fallen asleep in death.  One last point is that the Bible at Acts 24:15 speaks about the time when there will be a resurrection of 2 groups of people.}   

 

_{Keep praying to God for support and strength. Allow him to talk back to you by reading the Bible.  Will include you in my prayers.}