Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Expressing feelings over my fathers passing


jodylee

Recommended Posts

  • Members

Hi, I'm Jody.

 

I found this site and wanted to share what I feel. I have a hard time talking to people around me, I feel like everyone has answers and analyses me but that's not what I want. 

 

On dec 1st I got a phone call that my dad had a double massive heart attack. I am 22 and he was 44. No pervious medical history except hypertension. So he was in a medically induced coma for two days till his kidneys started to fail. I stayed at his side the entire time and held his hand with my head on his chest. I wanted to pull everything off of him and just lay on his chest. That was me, that was my bestfriend, laying there. Unresponsive, becoming bloated, my daddy. Leading up to this we talked daily and visted weekly. He was very unhappy, alcoholic and depressed. He had a good job but he came home everyday to a woman who didn't love him who also stayed drunk. But he was my dad. I listened to the bitching so he would tell me how he felt. A few months before this his best friend committed suicide. That hurt dad so much. Repeatedly my father told me how he wanted me to plan his funeral, that he didn't want life support, what to do with the insurance money. I knew what to do, which is very morbid, but I did. Since my dad wasn't married I being his oldest became next of kin. I decided to take him off life support and plan the funeral. I took care of everything and I am proud of myself. 

 

...But now I feel empty. I feel angry and I just want to be alone. I moved in with my mom and have my boyfriend living here but I have to make myself be a friend to them. I go to my dads and cry blaring Hank JR and bob segar. I am so mad. I don't have a filter. I don't know how to go back to normal.

 

Thank you for reading this, sorry for the grammar. I just need to talk about it but I think my family is tired of hearing it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Jody,

 

Feeling angry is a normal feeling after suffering the loss of someone you loved a great deal especially at such a young age. It's ok to feel that but know where that stems from and that it's not something your mom or boyfriend is causing. You don't want to push away your loved ones so perhaps saying "listen I need my space right now" will help prevent some of the lashing out. You may find that down the line you are ready to share your grief but it doesn't have to be with the people who live in your household. You can reach out to a group as you may find you can feel more comfortable with others who know what you're going through (that was my case...I found myself bottling it inside around my loved ones but I was able to let go when I was alone or with this group of strangers oddly enough). Either way I am so sorry for your loss... and I hope you can find some peace during this time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Sorry about your dad's passing.  As tough as it was to be with your dad during his final days it is a blessing that you were able to be there with him.  In regard to feelings of anger, when my mom passed away 4 months ago I experienced that same feeling along with sadness, denial, guilt, emptiness, and every other feeling a person could have.  I really don't think that there is a right or a wrong way to grieve or feel.  The main thing is that we allow ourselves to feel those feelings.  Where I am at now is that I realize that nothing will ever be the same.  At first I hated that thought, but now I am in a better place with that because I loved my mom so much and she isn't here anymore so of course things won't be the same. That being said, I know that she would want me to carry on and be the best person that I can be.  Just as your dad would want the same thing for you.  Please take care and go with your feelings.

Cindy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.