loss of mom

[stacyc]

My mom passed 6 months ago, and ever since then I've felt so much anger towards my mother in law. Its selfish I know but I can not help it. I can't see her with my son it bothers me so much that I have to walk away. It hurts my heart so much, why can't that be my mom spending time with my son. Why her?? I can't describe how much it bothers me especially when she says "grandma" I just want to scream and say "your not grandma my mom is, not you". I can't even handle when my 2 yr old mentions grandma. I know it sounds terrible but i hate the way it makes me feel. My mother in law and I have alot of tension between us because its sooo... obvious. Am I a terrible person or does anyone relate????

[superwife]

I usually post on the loss partners from but i can relate. My grandson saw his fathers dad for the first time and called him papa. It realyy upset me becasue that is what he called my husband. My grandson is only 2 and half and his real papa passed 9months ago on the 20th. I think my son-in-law saw how it hurt me and didnt bring it up again. Lucky they live in ny so he doestnt see them. I know that sounds mean but it still hurts too much.

[stacyc]

Its good to hear that some one understands. I guess its just that I miss my mom so so much thats it makes me so sad to see my son be with my mother in law and hear him say grandma except that its not to my mom. He's getting so big and has grown up so much since my moms passing 6 months ago. I guess all my hopes of my mom and son being close are gone, I also want more children and she will never see them. this is still so new and still trying to make sence of all of this.

[superwife]

I believe she will see your other childern. My daughter had to go thur invrito to have my grandson. In Feb we found out she is going to have another baby, without any help from science this time. At the time i found out I prayed that if her daddy had anything to with it that I hoped it was girl. Well it is and she will carry her papas name in a way. Her name will be Kenndy Grace. Her papa name was ken. So you see  her papa has sent her to us with Gods help.

[mydoot]

Stacy, I can totally relate.  My Mom died June 7, 2008 and I have a 3 year old and a 1.5 year old.  My Mom wanted grandkids so bad and she came with me to many of my doctors appoitments and unltrasounds.  She bought SO many toys for my kids and never got to see them play with most of them.  In May by Mom and Dad bought the kids a playground for the backyard and my Mom never got to see them play on it.  I hate seeing it everyday because she never got to watch them enjoy it.  She was 55.  My husband's family comes over all of the time and I don't like watching them play with the kids because I want it to be my Mom.  She hadn't been feeling well and I know she was jealous that they got to play with the kids when she just couldn't.  That don't know why she died or what made her so sick for the last few years.  She suffered and never truly got to enjoy my kids like she wanted to.  She had hip surgery in August of 2007 and the doctor told her not to sit on the floor and she still did a few times to try to play with my kids.  She loved them so much and now my husband's family is going to be the ones my kids remember when they grow up...  Not my Mom because they are too young. 

[stacyc]

my mom came to all my dr. appointment also. She choked up everytime I had an ultrasound. She was even there when I gave birth to johnny, it was amazing. Its terrible i want more kids, but now I will go through it without her HOW???? We had so many plans I live in NY and we love broadway shows and we always talked about how we would take all my kids when they got older to see "The Christmas Spectacular" and see the lighting of the Rockefeller Tree. Now I don't want to I don't even want the holidays to come. I'm not up for celebrating anything anytime soon. I do feel bad that I feel this way towards my inlaws (especially my mother inlaw) but I can't help it. She is sooo..... different from my mom, and whenever she does something with my son I always think in the back of my mind....... My mom would have done it better or said it better. I think I will probably always do that. This is definately going to be an up hill battle. I try so hard every weekend to keep us busy so my husband won't say lets go see my parents. AHHHH.... this is crazy.

[mydoot]

Stacy - yes, I am dreading the holidays...  Now it will be my husband's family and my poor Dad and brother to tag along.  Our family is so small now without her.  She was the leader that held us all together.  I hate that they will get to experience things the Mom won't get to.  SHE is the one that ALWAYS put the effort in to make it super special for my kids and us.  Now there is no one.  No one will fill her shoes and the rest of my life will be so lonely.  I love my Dad, but my Mom was the one that pulled us all together and was always planning the holidays.  She is always the one that did the shopping, etc.  Life is so unfair.

[stacyc]

ounce again, I relate I have a small family too and my dad and brother will be the tag alongs too.  My mom was the glue as well, ever since my mom passed my family and I have no idea what to do. She did it all. We always just expected them to be there so its hard to adjust into this new life.