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jadeysmom

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A friend of mine referred me to this website saying it may be able to help me and I sure hope so.  I lost my dad to cancer June 13/08.  My situation may be a bit different from others as I didn't know my dad as well as I now feel I should have.  My mom and him separated in 1976 and he didn't really keep in touch with us.  He moved to Okotoks a few years back and him and his wife took care of my son when I lived there for a short while.  After that, I didn't talk to him.  At all.  He'd call and I always thought 'its okay, I will get my chance'.  Now I don't have that chance.  I will never be able to look at him and tell him how sorry I am for not being like my sister and being so close with him.  No one in my family has said a word to me in condolence or anything.  I am angry at myself, angry at my family, angry with him for not being there when I needed a dad.  Most of the time I am angry and bitter and hate my life now.  I have a 5 year old that is getting snapped at because of stupid little things and I don't know how to control it.  I've tried to get into counselling and I have to wait 3 months just to be interviewed.  I'm at a loss.

Oh yes, My dad died of cancer.  My brother in law died of cancer 2 months prior to my dad as well.  I don't know if this is what I am suppose to do on here or if this is just coming across as whining, but please don't think bad of me.  I have always wanted to be my dad's 'girl'.  Growing up that is all I ever wanted!  I wanted my dad so much and he was never there and now I am the one with regret.  I am a true believer in the spiritual world and wait and hope that my dad visits me in my dreams but  nothing has happened yet.  Wow, I do sound pathetic.

Anyway, thank you for reading and I apologise for the whining.

Liz

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I have always believed that your time with your loved one never really ends, it just changes. He is now in the spiritual world (my belief system), so you have to communicate like that. Do you talk to him? I talk to my dad all of the time...and my dad "speaks to me". I saw a deer on my way home on the night something important happened to me in my career...my dad loved wildlife and would alwas point out things to me to look at when we were driving. I believe that the deer was my dad speaking to me. He can't give me a call anymore, but he knows just how to make me know he is with me. It did take me a while to realize that, and I'm sure some people would think I'm crazy, but it helps me so much.

You could also do something to memorialize him, you may not have had a special relationship in life, but you could help yourself do something for him in death. Something like, plant a garden, take your son somewhere special or help him learn a hobby or something that your dad was passionate about, etc. I've done that with my girls. They are learning to fish, something that my dad loved, and we talk about grandpa when we fish.

Of course, these things never take away the pain of losing my dad, but It helps me move on through my days and feel like I am doing somthing with my grief instead of just sitting with it.

Hugs!

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I know you wrote this post back in july but I had to respond ounce i read it. My mom past away in feb. and its been tough. As for my dad and I its been a little rocky. My mom and dad never got divorced and but they never got along. I always sided with my mom and if she was angry with him so was I. Now that my mom is gone, i feel like I'm left with a parent I don't know very well. I spent alot of my life clinging to my mom. Soon after her passing I remember telling my husband I need to change, he is all I have now. I make him dinner everynow and then and do some grocery shopping and we talk on the phone about ounce a week. We never discuss my mom. I've broken down in front of him maybe twice since my mom died and I can tell he was extremely uncomfortable with it and had know Idea how to comfort me. I don't blame him we were never that close, my mom did the comforting. We keep our talks simple, but I hope in time we can connect a little more. I guess what I'm saying is I never thought I woud lose my mom so I never bothered with my dad. I feel you need to find peace with your situation, we had no idea life would take us on this journey. I never thought for a minute that you were whining in your post, you were just being honest and speaking from the heart. I'm sure you will see him in your dreams soon and when you do I hope it gives you some peace, and I hope you are well.

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