Members karolynca Posted July 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2008 Yesterday...on my birthday...The King...my daddy lost his battle to Cancer at 2 pm. He went away peacefully, little by little the intervals between breathings were longer until there was one last breathing done and no other sound....just silence...I am going to miss the King...beyond words can describe. He was the greatest dad in the entire world. He was always worrying about me and my well-being. Before his eyes I was the best person in the entire world, I always did things "perfect" for him and he marveled in every little achievement I had, my college graduation, my promotions at work...they were all successes for him...then my marriage and during all my infertility ordeal he was always there...with that quiet support you need during that time, that support that had no words but said so many things.With my pregnancy it was an every day "are you doing ok?" moment...he loved me beyond words and it is that unconditional love and care I will miss so greatly, our early mornings chat, sending me the important BBC and CNN news by email and keeping me informed of everything that was going on in the world. His faith in me...he trusted me so much that he used me as support whenever he felt he couldn't go on...He loved my writing, my blog was his favorite thing to read and whenever I went on without writing for a while he would say "hey why haven't you updated your blog? I am telling you...you should write a book"His compliments...it wouldn't matter how ugly I thought I looked...he always said "Ohhhh you look so pretty today"...the way he caressed my pregnant belly even at the hospital two days ago...it was so gentle, so full of love...Yes...the King will be missed...he took a part of my heart with him, something that cannot be replaced by anything or anybody. I was his little girl...the one that made him proud every minute...Before his eyes I was the human being I wish I could be...he could see more in me than anybody else.Closing his eyes and giving that "see you later dad" kiss closed a chapter that will be reopened whenever we find each other again...there were so many things left to do, so many things left unspoken, so much love left behind...but I know daddy that this is just temporal and that eventually we will be reunited again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 4froggies Posted July 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2008 You just put me in tears. Your post is so touching and so real. It sounds like your dad and mine came from a similar mold and I pray that they have found each other as fast friends in Heaven, as it seems like they would.I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is. There is nothing in this world that was harder for me than the "see you later dad" kiss. Knowing that I had no choice but to let go was the worst choice I have ever been faced with. You are pregnant too-how far along? I am 23 weeks right now, with my dad's first grandson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karolynca Posted July 23, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted July 23, 2008 Thanks a lot for your words of support. I am 25 weeks so we are almost the same, it is also my Dad's first grandbaby (I am not going to find out the sex though).This next Sunday is Father's day here (I am currently living outside the United States) and it's gonna crush my heart not to be able to spend that day with him...I loved him beyond words can describe.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 4froggies Posted July 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted July 23, 2008 We weren't going to find out the gender. Or at least I was not going to, but I was going through one of my many hard times and felt I needed some affirmation...You see, my father passed away May 12, 2007. This was 3 weeks to the day before I got married. As you can well imagine, I was devastated. I waited my whole life to have my dad walk me down the aisle and now he was gone. My husband and I weren't trying, we left it "in God's hands". God's hands saw fit to have our baby due November 15th. My dad's birthday is November 17th. I, in my heart of hearts, believe this baby to be a gift from my father--I believe he forever knew that November would be a gloomy month for my family and for myself and he gave us a gift that will not allow many tears to fall. However, on the day of my appt I was really hurting, missing Dad and, in some ways, allowing my faith in that wonderful thought to wain. When I told the nurse it was ok to tell us the gender, in my heart of hearts, I knew it was a boy--dad wanted a grandson more than anything. But the affirmation of knowing the gender just strengthened my faith in the fact that this baby is being brought her for just the purpose I had originally thought....oh ye of little faith, right? Father's Day is hard, I am not going to lie. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you experience it for the first time. I still celebrate my dad as best I can by honoring him on that day--though it is hard because all I want to do is hug him one more time and tell him I love him....I know you understand.Feel free to email me whenever, it sounds like we can help each other through our process..Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karolynca Posted July 25, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted July 25, 2008 Thanks again for your words of encouragement, yesterday I did not popped around because it was a very sad day for me, I woke up too emotional specially because my dad and I used to have these early morning chats before I would go to work and OMG you cannot imagine how much I miss that little "daddy is online" message in my messenger....I don't think the pain will ever ever go away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 4froggies Posted July 25, 2008 Members Report Share Posted July 25, 2008 Unfortunately, I think you are right. The pain never will go away. However, what does happen is our lives start adapting to the loss, little by little. I am not going to lie, over a year into my grieving process I still feel empty inside, but with each and every day I find myself more and more "back to myself", even though the picture of who I am has changed significantly.The part of my dad's passing I really struggled with was coming to terms with the fact that my life as it stood would never be the same. I am learning, day by day, to make peace with myself in my new world. I stopped trying to put back together the pieces of the broken puzzle that was left for me after dad died--why? Because that puzzle will never be whole again--too big a piece is missing.I wish you luck and strength as you forge your way through finding out what your new puzzle will look like as you, piece by piece, begin to build it again for yourself. *HUG* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karolynca Posted July 27, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted July 27, 2008 I currently live outside US and today is Father's day here and it's my first Father's day without him....I miss him...probably by now I would have called to say HAPPY FATHER'S DAY and then I would have just spend the day with him, probably cook a meal and go home to give him a gift....but that's not happening, this year as many others to come I will just be going to the cementery to take some flowers....I miss him, yesteday I almost broke down and cried while eatting in BK...he loved BK and Wendy's...are those simple things in life that you start missing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karolynca Posted July 29, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted July 29, 2008 It was a tough day yesterday, I went back to work and despite the fact that the environment asks you to be normal...you just can't be. I miss him, as plain as it sounds, I feel like all of the sudden I am alone and I have almost no family (just my mom). I am a very family person and although my husband's family is so good to me...it is still not my family, am I making sense?. I slept very well last night for the first time...I even dreamt, it is just waking up what hurts because then you are comfronted with reality...it plain sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members perfectfan Posted July 29, 2008 Members Report Share Posted July 29, 2008 [user=19839]karolynca[/user] wrote: It was a tough day yesterday, I went back to work and despite the fact that the environment asks you to be normal...you just can't be. I miss him, as plain as it sounds, I feel like all of the sudden I am alone and I have almost no family (just my mom). I am a very family person and although my husband's family is so good to me...it is still not my family, am I making sense?. I slept very well last night for the first time...I even dreamt, it is just waking up what hurts because then you are comfronted with reality...it plain sucks.Yes, everyday is tough but keep on there. Hang on there, you will survive. It seems like everyone around you have moved on, still getting on with their lives and you're down here stuck to the memories of the past eh? That feeling of loneliness gets to you. I experienced something simliar - i woke up at 7pm (from my afternoon nap haha), nobody was at home and the house was in pitch darkness. I got this queasy feeling in my stomach, it's so unbearable. The pain hurts and lingers so much that I don't know how to describe. There's no one in real life i can talk to about (besides the grown ups cause teenagers of my age has not yet gone through this difficult stage in your life). Every day i come back from school, i'd yearn to hug my mum and tell her about my daily happenings but now i could no longer do that. Emotionally and spiritually she's always there i know but physically.. i want her to be there physicallly. Now I can't stop wondering what's life would be like without my dad as well. I really hope at least he will live longer than mum. And all i ever wish whole day is to sleep. It's just a nice hobby to indulge in haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karolynca Posted July 30, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 Thanks Perfectfan, I so understand you! that emptyness...that silence. It just plain sucks , today is not a good day either....I am tired and all of the sudden I think depression is really setting in, I miss him more than words can say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members perfectfan Posted July 30, 2008 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 [user=19839]karolynca[/user] wrote: Thanks Perfectfan, I so understand you! that emptyness...that silence. It just plain sucks , today is not a good day either....I am tired and all of the sudden I think depression is really setting in, I miss him more than words can say.Trust that things in life are transient. It'd be nice to record your emotions down in a journal, kinda helps for me.I'm with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karolynca Posted July 31, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted July 31, 2008 Thanks again...today was a sad day, my dad was catholic and here by tradition they do 9 days of mass asking for that person, today was the last mass (no. 9), it felt like a closing chapter and it made me feel really sad, I guess I am still in shock and disbelief....like I cannot believe he is not here with us anymore. A sad day today indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members perfectfan Posted August 2, 2008 Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2008 [user=19839]karolynca[/user] wrote: Thanks again...today was a sad day, my dad was catholic and here by tradition they do 9 days of mass asking for that person, today was the last mass (no. 9), it felt like a closing chapter and it made me feel really sad, I guess I am still in shock and disbelief....like I cannot believe he is not here with us anymore. A sad day today indeed.You will realise every of such sad days you get through, you emerge as a much emotionally stronger resilient person. Trust me on that. It's especially hard to get through significant dates esp death anni, birthdays, mother/father's days etc, but utimately i see them as a "milestone" towards my road to recovery. Sure it sucks alot, but the harsh reality is we have to get through them. Having such traditions is good in a way that it marks a proper closure. I hope your tomorrow(s) will always be a better day for you, cheers! P.S: I'm having prayers at home for mum's 7th month death anni tomorrow. abit dreading it, it means relishing all the past again sigh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karolynca Posted August 3, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted August 3, 2008 Thank you ...yes indeed as the days pass by and as people stop visiting, you start feeling the emptyness...Saturday I went to a baby store and saw a lady with her little girl and a man....she said "Hey baby...let's have fun watching toys with grandpa", my heart sunk and my eyes were full of tears right there...I cannot erase that scene from my mind and I just cannot stand the thought that I won't be able to live that with my own dad...it just breaks my heart.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karolynca Posted August 8, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted August 8, 2008 Last night I lost it...I cried my eyes out thinking of my dad, all the wonderful things and moments we did and spent together...watching all our pictures....I just hope one day thinking about the good moments or seeing his pictures are less painful:( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lgoldenm Posted August 11, 2008 Members Report Share Posted August 11, 2008 It is very sad to read about those of you who recently lost your dad. Mine died years ago, when I was still growing up, and I still remember that lost feeling. Last month, Mom died also, and the emptiness returned. My whole family is in chaos right now, trying to adjust to life without any parents. Some people say, "How old was she? Oh, at least she lived a full life, not like your dad, who died so young!" But really, the longer your parents are around, the more you miss them, since you have more memories of them. My sincere sympathies to you all; I do know the feeling all too well. Just try to remember that your parents will understand your being sad sometimes, but they wouldn't want you to be sad ALL the time, if you can help it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karolynca Posted August 11, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted August 11, 2008 Thanks so much for your kind words and I am sorry you have had to deal with the loss of both your parents. As you say the emptiness feeling is so overwhelming sometimes....Sending all my love to you.Karolyn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karolynca Posted August 20, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 Today is not a good day, the first month anniversary is one day away....tomorrow it will be a month...a month without my dad...a month without the King of my life....I sure miss him...the pain seems to be more than in the first weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lgoldenm Posted August 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 Tomorrow will be tough, but I hope you can get through it OK. I understand, as tomorrow is also the one-month mark of losing my mom. We will get through it somehow, by remembering how much they loved us and want us to be happy thinking about them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karolynca Posted August 22, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2008 It was indeed a very sad and difficult day, I couldn't stop thinking and reviving all the moments of the days he died, what I was doing at an specific time that day, his face, his lifeless eyes...I am still in the dumps today Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lgoldenm Posted August 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2008 Karolyn, it was hard, but at least you got through the day. Yesterday was bad for me at times, but overall not as bad as I feared it might be. It was only the end of the day that really bothered me, perhaps because evening was the time that Mom passed. Try to think of some of the really happy events in your dad's life, before he was sick, when you all enjoyed life together. Carry those times with you, for when you have a down moment or a sad day, to remind yourself that life can be good.4froggies, I like what you said about the puzzle pieces. That is so true; your life is very different without certain people in it, so you have to re-invent yourself a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karolynca Posted September 4, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted September 4, 2008 As the days go by and my expected delivery date approaches, I find myself thinking and missing my dad much more. I have been reviving those last moments, all the preparations, when I had to tell my mom...and then I think about him, and althought I know he is not in that physical body anymore I cannot help but feel like he is lying there, all alone, cold...I miss him...will miss him my entire life....how can people expect me to have gotten "over it". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lgoldenm Posted September 4, 2008 Members Report Share Posted September 4, 2008 How are you ladies doing with your pregnancies these days? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 4froggies Posted September 5, 2008 Members Report Share Posted September 5, 2008 If it is of any help to you, I can tell you how I have handled this pregnancy emotionally (most days). I feel as though my dad had a very personal stake in this pregnancy--I feel as though this baby is a gift from my dad, as he would want me to continue to experience unconditional love, as he has always given me. It's hard knowing that dad won't meet my child in the flesh, but I know that in spirit they are connected--that this perfect angel developing inside me will look at me when he comes into this world and I will see a piece of my father--I am now 30 weeks along, things are moving quickly. I hope that you can find some peace.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karolynca Posted September 28, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted September 28, 2008 Sorry I have been MIA, it seems in a way I have good days when I think I am really taking some steps towards healing but then I just go into this big depression mode and all the steps are taken back . I am already almost 35 weeks pregnant, I am expected to give birth at the end of October and all I can think of is that my dad won't meet my little baby, he won't be able to hold him/her or to do normal grandpa-grandkid thing.I was at a store the other day buying some baby stuff when a girl came in with a little boy and a man. She said "go ahead with grandpa and watch the toys you want to ask Santa for", my heart melted and I could not avoid but cry, cry to know my child won't be doing that with my dad....I felt so bad....Pregnancy is going fine though, my appointments are 2 weeks apart now and I think from next appt. on they will be just one week apart.I still don't know how I am going to make it thru birth and Xmas without daddy here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 4froggies Posted October 1, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 1, 2008 I can relate to pretty much everything you are saying. I am due mid November. Every step of it is hard, you know that better than anyone. Knowing that your dad won't be there for all of your baby's "firsts", feeling the jealousy when you see other grandpa's with their grandkids...it's hard...I find solice in believing that my dad has been with me through every part of this pregnancy. I believe he has "held my hand" every step of the way through it and I know he will be smiling down on me when our little one comes into this world. It doesn't take away the pain of not having Dad, but it does help me get through the tough times. Know that your dad would want you to look on this pregnancy and all of your baby's firsts with a smile. I know my dad would be so mad at me if I let anything interfere with that happiness. When you look at your child, know that a piece of your dad lives in that child and try and celebrate that. I wish you the best of luck as you get closer and closer to your delivery date--just remember--you are not alone [user=19839]karolynca[/user] wrote: Sorry I have been MIA, it seems in a way I have good days when I think I am really taking some steps towards healing but then I just go into this big depression mode and all the steps are taken back . I am already almost 35 weeks pregnant, I am expected to give birth at the end of October and all I can think of is that my dad won't meet my little baby, he won't be able to hold him/her or to do normal grandpa-grandkid thing.I was at a store the other day buying some baby stuff when a girl came in with a little boy and a man. She said "go ahead with grandpa and watch the toys you want to ask Santa for", my heart melted and I could not avoid but cry, cry to know my child won't be doing that with my dad....I felt so bad....Pregnancy is going fine though, my appointments are 2 weeks apart now and I think from next appt. on they will be just one week apart.I still don't know how I am going to make it thru birth and Xmas without daddy here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysdaddysgirl Posted October 29, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 I understand completely how you are feeling, I lost my precious Daddy 2 years ago, he died 9 months before my wedding, so never got to do what every father dreams of!!! I also found out that I was expecting on the year anniversary of his death. I cried almost everyday of my pregnancy, I didn't have a great pregnancy! And now my daughter is here she makes it easier to cope, I can see my Dad in her and I know he is watching over us all. I still get sad about what he has missed, but my daughter makes my days much brighter now and your Dad would want you to enjoy being a mother, a child is the most precious gift, and believe that your baby was sent to you to help you heal the pain of losing someone so precious to you xxxalwaysdaddysgirl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karolynca Posted December 5, 2010 Author Members Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 I cannot believe it's been two years already and this will be my third Xmas without my dad here. I still miss him like the very first day he left and the pain, that sometimes seems to be gone, is always back in full force with holidays. It was his favorite time of the year....I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, every day I cannot help to think how a great grand-daddy he would have been, I see my Father in law with her and cannot help to feel a bit jelaous that my own dad is missing all this...I miss my King...I will always do! and my heart is still crushed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted December 6, 2010 Members Report Share Posted December 6, 2010 I cannot believe it's been two years already and this will be my third Xmas without my dad here. I still miss him like the very first day he left and the pain, that sometimes seems to be gone, is always back in full force with holidays. It was his favorite time of the year....I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, every day I cannot help to think how a great grand-daddy he would have been, I see my Father in law with her and cannot help to feel a bit jelaous that my own dad is missing all this...I miss my King...I will always do! and my heart is still crushed!Hi Karolynca,I can certainly see what you are talking about. My Dad passed away in August 2009. This is my second Christmas without him. I miss him so much. I wish I could just talk to him for a few minutes, to tell him everything that has been going on, what's been happening with my Mom and kids. This year is more difficult because the numbing shock and grief last year has been replaced by sadness and longing to hear his voice. But, I take comfort in knowing he is in a much better place and not suffering. ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ValT Posted March 4, 2011 Members Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 My Dad lost his battle to cancer on September 29, 2010. I had given birth to my daughter, my first child, on September 1st. He found out that he had cancer a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant and he passed away a few weeks after she was born. That is all the time that he had. I do not live in the same state that I grew up in, and being pregnant made it hard to travel as much as I wanted to. I did not get to see him as much as I wanted to and I was not there when he passed away. I am so regretful that I couldn't be there. I miss him so much and it hurts so much still. The world is never going to be the same again. My heart is crushed too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted March 4, 2011 Members Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 My Dad lost his battle to cancer on September 29, 2010. I had given birth to my daughter, my first child, on September 1st. He found out that he had cancer a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant and he passed away a few weeks after she was born. That is all the time that he had. I do not live in the same state that I grew up in, and being pregnant made it hard to travel as much as I wanted to. I did not get to see him as much as I wanted to and I was not there when he passed away. I am so regretful that I couldn't be there. I miss him so much and it hurts so much still. The world is never going to be the same again. My heart is crushed too.VDT,I am very sorry about the passing of your father. I am sure your heart is crushed; my father died in August 2009, and I still miss him very much. Did your father get to see his granddaughter? No, the world is not going to ever be the same, but it will be okay. You will eventually be able to laugh and smile when you remember him, although you will have your good days and bad days. I'm at the point in my grief journey where I am thankful that I had such a good father, and I hope and pray that he knew how proud I was of him and how much I love him. When you are able, come tell us all about your father and if you'd like, post a picture of him in our gallery. We will be here to listen.ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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