Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Loss of a sister to a unexpected suicide


cawhite119

Recommended Posts

  • Members

I have recently lost my sister to an unexpected sucide.

i received the call dec 28th at 9:15 am my world ended time stopped I remember the feeling that I had that maybe it was all a misunderstanding how could she do this!! she just recently had a baby (3 months ago) and I am prone to believe post partum depression had something to do with it. Her husband and her had been fighting here and there (the first real fight in 8 years between those two) I am not sure if that got to be to much or what happened exactly. I don't blame him, my mother is having a hard time coming to terms with things. My sister was a happy person I remember her laugh and when she laughed she meant it. She laughed more than she cried..I will always remember that.

My sisters funeral I planned I picked out the casket as well as the music and the burial site, I was able to do her hair and make up, to me that was a bonding time- I spent time with her, she would always ask me how she should do her hair (color wise) and what make up was what (we had recently on christmas bought one another ulta gift cards.) I felt that doing her hair and make up and really pampering her was to be beneficial with my grieving process I am doing the best I can to stay strong for my family and her 2 daughters ( sophia who is 7 years old and olivia who is 3 months old) her husband is who found her he said he walked in and it was dark and the closet light was on and he opened the door, i couldn't imagine walking into that. There are times that I see him just staring off into space, i know that he blames himself and he see's just the look on her face when he found her.

I have taken off work for a week I have spent as much time as I could (2 days being in the house that she did that the night of the day she did that, i couldn't sleep, i swore i heard her say "hey chelsea"..mom says she came to her that night as well and said she was ok but she didn't do it? as well as her daughter sophia said she heard her say sophia i love you…moving onto going back to my parents house- things aren't the same, i recently got a visit from danni last night in my dreams, i woke myself up because it scared me ( i have never been one to be all about "spirits" they scare the bejesus outta me!) but she talked about everything about how she wasn't in her right mindset how it took her a while to talk herself into doing that she thought it was the best option! I'm so angry at her she never called me told me anything was wrong, the last time I spoke with her was on christmas I hugged her goodbye which i am glad that I did…we aren't a big touchy lovey dovey family

i mainly hope she knows i loved her how much we all did and she is proud of me I find comfort in knowing she is with me and watching over me. then I get to where I think well what if she isn't what if that is all a bunch of garbage that we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better

I fear I've lost my sense of humor everything else about me i loved, but i assume that is normal I haven't cried since the funeral really. and at the funeral i didn't cry much, i know she is at peace. she is beautiful and loved by many.

i'll always love her and be grateful we have two beautiful girls by her <3 that look more and more like her daily her spirit lives on forever!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Cawhite, I am very sorry about the loss of your sister. Some people cry; some don't. It's okay to do either and both. It's really okay to be mad, angry, bitter, scared, lonely, and everything else. I have had dreams where my dad has come to visit me, so I don't think it's crazy or anything. I know lots of people have these kinds of experiences. How are her girls doing with all of this?

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Jesse David & Taylor Mom

cawhite, I am sorry for the loss of your sister. I lost my sister in the year 2002. I recently lost my son, Jesse at age 28.

After reading your post, I thought of the following book that might be of interest to you, it is called, After Death Communication by Bill Guggenheim. It is about the kind of experiences you had experienced.

Wishing you peace. Take care of yourself on this grief journey. Also, if your mom wants, she can post with us in the Loss of Adult Child thread found in the Loss of a Child section of this site.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Imstillherejuan

I'm a  survivor ! So I understand what it's when you to  check out !  The subject is a bottomless pit there's so many reasons why people do it so I can tell you from experience in your last moments before you die you rethink  quickly. . I  can't imagine your pain your loss it's terrifying shocking scary to lose a loved one to suicide and honestly the pain doesn't go away or grief but you can still move on and continue working

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.