first experience/witness to death

[Sharna-jodie]

This is my first experience to a death, as in, being in the very room, first to know and alone. I feel a mix of things and experience. anger, failure, dizzy, vision blur, hate, blame, also selfish and harsh for how I have thought about the owner....

My friend whom I've classed as a sister for a few years and her partner went to visit family a few hour coach ride away and asked me to look after their two cats: Akira whom is about 1year and a half and Blu, a few months shy from a year old being 8 to 9 months.

It was the 27th they went away, for 1 week, I didn't stop the first night, but when I picked up the keys I saw Blu wasn't her normal self. When I stopped the next day I was concerned, the withdrawn, hiding under the radiator not touching her food, water or going to the loo Blu was not the Blu I first met when she was first brought home. I shared my concernes with my partner who knows far more than me and if all else false we knew someone in the pdsa - the first night I noticed Blu nibbling on litter, which then, my partner research on her symptoms and immediately our concernes were confirmed, we rang our friend for advice, then our family vet which confirms all our worries, we contact my friend about Blu's situation and asked permission to take her to the vet, which we got an appointment that very same day (we are on the 30th now) the vet was also concerned, giving her antibiotics and anti-inflammatory and medicine to take home with us to shift the constipation, we were advised to syringe feed her water also, I spent the whole night fretting.

I woke up at least 8:15 am on the 31st the next day, Blu curled up against me, I realize she has also weed herself, I don't bother telling her off, as for the time I spent with her she never moved, she was weak, where you placed her was where she stayed. So, I say to her "shhh its ok I'm not mad" and got her comfortable again, she started to protest a little, when she calmed, she started to cry, and cry, louder and louder it got, you could hear the pure distress in her cries, I panicked and rang my partner, 'carefully turn her on her other side, you may have placed her on the side where it hurts' so I did and the cries continued, 'have you given her medicine?' He asks dur! Of course! We hung up but now I wish I'd just put him on loud speaker, either way, I took the lid off and readied the syringe when she stopped crying, my eyes were on her, her eyes still open I frowned and looked at her stomach, 'oh no, oh ****' were my first thoughts, I felt like auto pilot when I reached over to lift her head. My body felt like it was thrown back as I quickly moved away, I was froze for a moment, I'm not kidding when I say I went cold. All my brain could muster was a text to my partner 'she's dead' I got a call right away as I started to cry hysterically, I had to remove myself from the room.

Moments later my partner arrived and confirmed her no longer with us, wrapped her up and called my friend about the event.

It took hours to get arrangements sorted, they knew Blu was under the weather before they went off and not bothered about taking her to see a vet, saying they can't afford to, also coming up with the excuse they can't come home because then there tickets would be a waste of money even tho my partner and I said we would fund their fair back, eventually arrangements were made for Blu to be frozen at her registered vets.

I refused to stay the remaining few days so requested her to arrange someone else to sit the home and Akira whom is slowly going down the same road as Blu. Arrangements were made right away.

I felt destroyed, watching and replying the whole event, I started hating myself, why didn't I give blu her meds when I woke up? What if I didn't move her?

Her passing was due to poor food, cheap happy shopper cat food, lower than go cat, wiskas and Felix. She refused to eat her food because it was pure and simply crap, and automatically went for the litter to try and find the minerals she needed, in turn was clogging up her system resulting in her unnecessary passing.

In result for Akira, high quality food was left (purina one) for her to eat

This happened 31st December 2013 and the emotions are still strong, still able to recreate the situation in my mind and feel her fur brush my skin and feel her pur when I first picked her up when I stayed and her limp lifeless head to see if I was imagining things to learn she's gone, and the most angering thing is I see that the very same day a video of blu with music was put on fb, a message saying that 'she was more than just a cat, she was family' then another post saying 'when our money is sorted were gunna do "this this and this" ' and also 'i have decided my 8th tattoo! We are getting a tabby paw print with blus name underneath' that made my blood boil, for one, if blu was like family, she would've stayed home and took care of and took her to the vet or two, did everything she could to get back, and three if she's so skint then what an earth is she doing splashing out 30 quid each (60 in grand total) to get the tattoo when hello, she's skint and has Akira to look after and get her on proper food and fees to pay for Blu! So when I was told she was crying I thought so she bloody should!

Am I being selfish for thinking not so great things ?

[Steve s mom]

Hi, do you live in the Uk not USA?i don't know what kind of resources you have over there but here there are many low cost clinics maybe at humane society or SPCA there's no excuse to not provide vet care for your pet.your friend sounds like they really could have paid to take them to the vet if they could afford to go away on vacation ,they just didn't care.

[WestCoastGirl]

I don't think your being selfish at all. I think it's natural to think these things.