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Dementia and death


lindy

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my mother died on December the 8,2013. it has taken a couple of weeks for me to get over the initial shock of her death, i had not felt the full amount of tearing, destroying pain. i am now beggining to experience the horrible pain and the one stupid impossible thought is i want my mommy. i just want her to take this pain away. this is just so horrible

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I am so sorry for your loss. No words can really describe how it feels to lose a parent. My mom passed away on October 6th and a day doesn't go by that I don't think about her and miss her terribly. I don't know if you are a spiritual person but faith is the only thing that brings me comfort with this. I truly believe that my mom is in a good place and that one day we will be together again. Until then I know that she would want me to carry on and be the best person that I can be. Take care and know that your mom will always be present in your heart.

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I lost my Dad 3 months ago. I have been in pain and depression ever since and it doesn't seem to get better.

Feelings are : sorrow, sadness, loneliness, panic attacks, depression, guilt, crying, heartache ( a physical pain )... and more.

I was my Dad's carer for 8 years 24/7 and basically my life revolved around looking after him.

Until he had passed on , I never actually realised how much I loved him and how much a significant part of my life he had become.

I lost my mum many years ago, and it didn't seem so bad even though we were very close - I think because my Dad was still there.

Now he has passed away my life seems purposeless and I stay in bed until late in the morning , or early afternoon.

I have lost all interest in the hobbies that I used to have, and all the plans for holidays and relocation that I had made for that time when my Dad 'passed away' are now of no consequence to me.

Losing someone you loved is very hard to come to terms with.

I don't expect that I will ever 'come to terms' with the loss of my Dad.

I just hope that in time, the pain gets easier to handle.

I think nature is very cruel to punish a person with such intense grief when they loved someone so much.

Callous cold-hearted people seem to have it much easier.

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I am really truly sorry for all your losses. I lost my beloved mum two weeks ago, and I have had really tough days ever since. 2013 was a really difficult year for me, I had issues at work, due to really nasty/sociopathic people around me. However, I never thought the year would end with a metastatic lung cancer diagnosis for my mom, and a very quick death, which I suppose I should be grateful for, as her pain was becoming unbearable, and in conjunction with the morphine, they were slowly but surely taking away her soul and eating up at who she had always been, a very active person, full of life and energy.

It has been a terrible year, a rolllercoaster of emotions, and losing the person who loved me the most, my very best friend, my biggest support and motivator has been the hardest thing ever, and something for which I was never prepared even though I´d dreaded it since I was a little girl.

My mom had always been extremely healthy, and this was an out of the blue situation, something completely unexpected, which hit us all really hard, and her in particular, as she was always very independent and autonomous, and had never smoked, not even second-handedly. Plus, she was only 67 and I thought would have many more years with us.

To be honest, I am up and down all the time, some days I feel better, but others I cannot stop crying. Luckily though, at least I can cry to relieve some of the incredible pain that I feel.

I have lived overseas for many years, and I was used to being away from my mom and dad. However, we spoke pretty much every day, for two or three hours at the time, and emailed each other regularly as well, therefore, it´s as if I´d never really left, and thus, the void is huge.

I suppose I am lucky for having a good husband and extended family, as well as some really good friends. However, I feel like part of me has also died, and that my heart has been ripped out of my chest and I have been left with little energy, motivation and interest in life. Besides, I am currently at my mom´s place, which she created and decorated, and I am alone here, so everything reminds me of her and constantly brings me to tears.

I had to take time off work, and I am very grateful for being able to do so, as I hadn´t had any holidays for two years. However, these aren´t holidays, I am in anguish constantly, and I feel a lot of pain and sorrow most of the time, and at the same time I have to deal with my mom´s estate on my own, because my siblings are also overseas and have little children or their own businesses.

Therefore, it is really difficult, as I´d like to crawl into a ball, sleep non stop and never wake up......But I can´t, I need to go on, I cannot let my mom down after all her efforts, kindness, love and generosity.

I wish we were taught to accept death as part of life, as a natural thing, and to have more faith. I used to have a lot of faith in God, but right now I feel barren in that regard. I feel empty and unable to connect with God or my mom. I feel so lost and alone.......It´s as if I didn´t believe in anything anymore.

Sorry for the rumbling, I just wanted to say that I completely understand where you are coming from, and how you are feeling and if you wish to chat, just let me know. The only thing that has truly helped me recently is reading about people who have been through the exact same things that I am going through.

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trish91,Tom, cindyjane thank you for sharing.

Every aspect of my life for seven years revolved around caring for my mother. I witnessed the slow destruction of her memory. Not knowing or recognizing her own home. Not being able to recognize her children. Desperately wanting to go home to be with her long departed mother. So many painful memorries.

i have not mentioned the annoyance, dementia will drive you crazy, saying the same things again and again ah''''

But i would happily accept the annoyance to have her here with me now. It seems i did not realise that i would still be angry but my anger is no longer directed towards her.

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