I lost my Dad

[Faust999]

I lost my father on Nov. 16th and I am having a hard time coping with it. My dad always taught me and my brother to work hard. I spent the entire summer working 12 hours or more everyday I worked. Now I look back at that and am heartbroken that I could have spent all that time with him. I miss him terribly. I am trying to be strong for my family and children, but I think of his passing constantly. I can't get this vision of him hooked up to the ventilator and crying in agony out of my head. I only saw my dad cry a few times in all my life, that image I will never forget. The helplessness in his eyes. Someone please tell me how I can get past this sadness.

[Kiki's mom]

Hello Faust , Im sorry about your dad , I just lost my mom last night and its hard... Sounds like you really adored and respected your dad for his love and his strength and maybe thats why it's hard for you to get the thought of him being in physical pain out of your head... You were so use to seeing him one way that when you saw a weak moment that is was stuck in your head... just know we all have our weak moments... and its ok... know he is at peace now and he does not feel that pain that you witnessed so its ok for you to let that thought go as well ... He would not want you to harbor such a thought... try to replace that thought next time with a positive one... I have several losses in my passed and some that were less than easy, watching it happen did effect me hard however it does get easier in time knowing they do not feel that pain , they do not have those thoughts and Its ok for you to let go of those thoughts too... It does take some time so be kind to yourself and don't do the what if s , We could do that all day long... I'm sure your dad knew how much you loved him and was proud of what a hard worker you were /are .

I don't think we ever get beyond the sadness .. we just learn to live with the sadness as part of our lives... I do know from experience that we react differently to our memories as time goes by. Your loss is very new and raw so of course its gonna be on your mind , let yourself feel what you need to , its all part of the healing process. One day you will be able to think of your dad and be sad but less effected .

Take care

sincerely , Kiki's mom and Sandra's daughter

[Anh1061]

My Dad passed on October 9th. He was on a ventilator as well. I live in another state and was trying to make it there in time but did not. I know that even though I didn't see it in person the thing that has bothered me the most is that my mother told me that he was awake for most of it right up until the last few hours and that he was really scared. My grandfather passed four weeks later to the day. I miss him so much just as much as my dad but the difference is that I know that my grandfather was ready. No one should be in pain or in fear during death or should have to go before they are ready. I think it makes us feel guilty like we should have done something but there is nothing we could've done. I wasn't even there and I picture it all the time so I can't imagine how you are getting throu one minute without thinking about it. I'm so sorry.