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Walking along this road


gambitjr

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Been almost seven months since Lori died. It seems everyday it gets harder and harder to believe this nightmare is true. I miss her so much, and it hurts so bad. I just want my daughter back. Somehow to undo what has been done. I don't want the pills, I don't want the psychiatrists, I just want her back. I want her to and would help her choose a different road. This is such a nightmare. Every minute of everyday, 7 days a week, the pain, loss, and lonely feelings are there right beside me, or in front of me, or behind me. I can't escape them. They follow me wherever I go. There is no rest. I pray, I cry, I get angry, but this solves nothing. I just want my daughter back living a good life that she should have. Just don't know where to turn anymore. I have read many books which have helped me to understand more and more, but they don't solve my delima. Been to a therapist, and talk about the same things, over and over again. I can't change what happened nor can I live each day with what did happen. All I want to do is bury my face in God's shoulder and cry. There is a hugh part of me missing and I can't seem to find it.

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Gambitjr - I saw your post this morning as I was signing on to Loss of Adult Child. I can hear the hurt in your words and I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. I noticed you are from Pittsburgh. I live in Pennsylvania also. I understand the desperation of wanting your daughter back. My 29 year old daughter died in August 2010 from leukemia. 7 months is such a short time and I remember well the unreality of it...how is this possible? Why? Why not me? If you'd like to private message me, I am here to talk with you. Also going to the Loss of an Adult Child thread of this website, you will find many that understand what you are going through. I pray for some peace for you this day.

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Guest Trista's_Mom

Gambitjr,

I can relate to so much of what you wrote. I lost my 17 year old Daughter, Trista, almost 6 months ago. This is such a painful road to travel. I understand just wanting your daughter back. I know how exhausting it is trying to figure out how to live without your Child when everything in you refuses to accept this reality. I also post in the Loss of an Adult Child thread and there are people there who really do understand and share their journey. Some post daily some not as often. Some of are newer to this than you and I and some have been on this road for 10 years and share their experience to offer hope to the rest of us. If you want, go there and post and you will have many reach out to you, or just read until you're ready to post. You can also pm me anytime if you want to. I'm so sorry for the loss of your Daughter, Lori. I'm sending prayers of comfort to you today.

Shannon

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I have been through and seen many things in my life. I thought I had walked down every road that one can imagine. I thought I had experienced and felt every emotion one could feel. I had been up on the mountain top and deep down in the valley. I had felt others pain and dealt with my own. I lost my mother and father, almost all of my relatives, and way too many friends. Nothing.....I mean nothing compares to the pain, sadness, and feelings of soul wrenching loss that losing my daughter has brought me. I see many, many posts on this website describing other families feelings of pain and anguish. I wish there was a magic button I could push and remover everyones pain. If I had a magic wand I would wave it. But I don't. I can only reach out of my own grief and tell the others that post on here "I know". I don't know if it helps at all, but whether we want to admit it or not, we are all traveling the same rotten road. We didn't choose to be here, but we are.

My only hope is that you will say a prayer for me, and I will say a prayer for you. Someday our questions will be answered. Someday we will see our loved ones again. Then the sadness and pain will go away, forever.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Albert, what you wrote in the last post sounded exactly like what my husband said last night...he has had a lot of loss too...and yet nothing comes close to the white hot pain that losing our son Jesse has brought...

We talk to him often...to let him know he is still a part of us until we can be reunited again...

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