I Miss Him So...

[armaiti]

Doug, it's been almost 21 months for me since my beloved partner crossed over, and I am nowhere near being able to date someone.  You say she started dating after a year...that's not really very long, and she may very well be feeling that she needs more time alone to grieve.   The second year has been harder in some ways than the first, for me.  I'm still discovering who I am now that I'm not part of a couple, now that my soulmate doesn't walk in physical form by my side.  I feel he is always part of me; to be with someone else right now would feel like I'm cheating on him.  

Blessings,

Anna

[armaiti]

Hey everyone - it's snowing here!  In Eugene Oregon in late April!  Totally bizarre.  I've never seen snow here this late.  Yesterday there was a major hail storm and today we're supposed to have thunderstorms, hail, and more snow. 

Ishaq's sister and her husband are here visiting and it's really nice to have company.  Next week we go up to Portland for the family reunion and visit with Ishaq's son and his wife who are expecting Ishaq's first grandchild.   It's so mixed for me - happy to be with family - and his family pretty much adopted me, which is awesome - but sad because Ishaq was always so excited about when he'd be a grandfather.  He just loved babies (while I was always more into kittens); he was always telling me how cute this or that baby was, and if it had red hair it would always remind him of one of his sons when they were little.  I know he'll be with us in spirit, in his new form, but I wish so much he would be here to hold his granddaughter; to tell her one of his fabulous stories, to sing to her while playing his guitar....

Blessings,

Anna

[mishknit]

anna....

something you said..feeling like you'd be cheating on ishaq if you were with soemone else.

i had a second date the other night, my first 2nd date..lol. he;'s a nice guy...fun, easy to talk to, funny. i had a good time both times, and will see him again, hopefully.

but....at the end of the night he kised me/ i let him kiss me...whatever.

and i was really nice, i enjoyed it, tho i did feel vaguely uncomfortable..but enjoyed it more. and as i drove away i started to shake and cry and have those feelings of cheating on tom...how i only wanted him.

and then i called a woman from my grief support group (thank god she was home) who has dated a lot, and she was able to talk me down and help me to see that it was allright. bUT..the fist question she asked me was did i feel like i was cheating? so i guess it's a normal feeling, a feeling we either choose to get past or not, but it's normal.

and, for me, the way i felt when he kissed me was normal too..and it felt good. i thought about it...no kisses since jan 21 2006, and no kisses from any man but tom since halloween 1986.....whew! no wonder it's such a big deal to me/us....the good thing about this guy is that i have been very open with him, and he knows my hesitancy and , well..fear, right?, about starting to date again, and he's cool with it.

we;ll see what happens, but the big reason i wanted to write this was about the normalcy of the emotion, the feeling of cheating, and how it is a big one to get past, if we choose to.

peace all

have a happy (and snowy) sunday

michele

[doug42]

hi mishknit..yes i had th same feelings as you the first timei kissed someone after i lost my girlfriend of 7 years...i was so scared, felt really bad and ran away...then i started to read and talk to people in my situaton and everyone of them said to me..( do you think that she would have wanted you to be alone and unhappy for the rest of your life)...i don't and neither does the woman i am seeing know..the best thing about us is that we have both been through the same thing...thats why our relationship was easy for us..she is grieving now.its hard for me because she did'nt come to me when she started to miss her husband..i wish that i could be there for her now..but she said that she needs to be alone for a while...i understand that, but i will never stop loving her and thinking about her every second..we have something so special...we allways said that our loved ones set us up...i belive that...we allways were able to talk about our spouses, and that is something that i was never able to do...i dont ever want her to forget her husband and i dont ever want to take away thier love that they have fo eachother...i found that going to the meetings and talking and talking made me feel so much better about my future...i can only hope that girl is doing the same...i know that one of her friends mom died a little while before all of this came about, mabey that brought back the feelings...its normal..i pray that she is helping her friend and mabey they can help eachother...i started going to meetings again, it feels good to share and listen..the bottom line is that we have to live and love again,,its normal, its healthy...we both know that we will see our loved ones again someday..thank you for sharing your story...doug

[aprilmoonflower]

michele- the first time I went out with another man it definitely felt like cheating! it doesn't anymore though!

[missingcurtis]

I used to post but haven't been on here for awhile.  It has been 28 months since I lost my hubby.  Things have gotten easier but by no means are things easy.

Lots and lots of things have changed in the past 2 years.  But I keep looking for the Silver Lining or the Gold at the end of the Rainbow.  Living in my past is easier.

I know this is a good place to open your heart and to receive blessings from what others have to say.  I just wanted to drop in again and maybe start posting again.

Debbie............MissingCurtis

 

[Error username not found]

hi everyone.. interesting convo.....

debbie.. i do that all the time. i really feel like im stuck in the past and im always thinking of hypothetical situations and all kindz of crazy crap. sometimes im mad.. and then most of the time im just lost in my thoughts. and about that "would they really want you alone and unhappy?" stuff.. well actually when people say that to me.. that doesnt make me feel better. it actually makes me feel like.. no.. he wants to be with me and he DEFF. would not want someone else with me... so for me it makes it more of a reason never to be with someone else. i cant imagine doing that. it makes me sick to think about it and what it all comes down to is this:

some people will move on and some people wont. some people think its ok and some people dont. depending on your situation, you will either be happy alone..or happy with someone else.

[aprilmoonflower]

Baca- Dh and I had that conversation a month before he died. he definitely did not want me to be alone. He  basically told me I should remarry if he died. though I have been married twice so I am not about to do it a 3rd time!!! I was VERY against dating until about the 30 month mark myself. don't rush things! If someone comes along they will come along!

[missque]

been away for a few days- gotta read and catch up... today (sunday) was jers birthday- he would have been 24 been bumin me out for a few days i miss him so mcuh

[Error username not found]

 yeah i know april.. but  for me i really dont want to do that. i really do just want him and i dont feel right trying to move on. im happy just being his..u know? i dont think its wrong for other people to move on... but im just not interested.

anyway.. moving on to a question noone can answer..

how the **** did this really happen??  i mean really.. one day everythings good..and the next day you have to try to drag yourself throught life and forget all the fucked up **** that makes you feel that way to begin with. i think this whole "process" is just basically taking all your memories and your "normal" life, and pushing it so far in the back of your mind, you forget how you got where you are now. i feel like i just lighty touch the subject in my mind to avoid realizing how discusting and real life really is. im tired of feeling like this all the time. im tired of constantly wanting someone i KNOW i can never fukin have.. and im tired of other people.

 

[aprilmoonflower]

baca-I could have wrote what you did word for word just a coupld months ago (and I likely have) I know you don't want things to change, but they could. that was all I'm saying. You just never know what is going to happen is my point I guess. I'm not even dating anyone seriously! and I DON'T even want a boyfriend, much less a husband!

[doug42]

bacafly...i think that you need to talk to someone..you have alot of anger inside of you..i felt the same for a while...my love was killed in car accident, the car caught fire and she was burned to death...i had nothing to look at..i dont know what was in the casket..so i was really mad for a long time..talking to people really helped me, taught me how to love again, be happy...sure i could be mad at the world for ever, hate everyone that it a couple, but is that what life is...life is for living, i dont ever forget her..i visit her grave often and talk to her, i know that she is watching over me..i hope that you can turn that anger into a positive, it takes time but it can happen...good luck to you

[aprilmoonflower]

Hi doug! I really do think anger is a good thing. (if used constructively) it's ok!  (just like depression is ok too yet our society is not comfortable with it AT ALL In any capacity) we as women especially get told that about anger! not sure what baca has going on atm, but this is the place to vent! lol!

[armaiti]

I agree with April...if we need to express our anger here, it's ok!  This is a safe place for us to express whatever we feel.  And especially for those here who are young, and who are left with their children to raise and no partner, I think the anger is a very present, and ok, part of their process.

I still don't feel I want to be with any other person than my Ishaq.  I still tell folks I'm in an "interdimensional relationship" with him.   I think each of us is on our own individual journey - there's no menu or timeline that can be applied to all of us.  Sometimes I get really angry, too, when I see some person who's getting to grow old and is destroying the environment or doing other awful things and they are still alive and have their families.  Yes, it pisses me off sometimes.  And that's ok.  It's ok to feel whatever I need to around Ishaq's passing. 

I know people who lost their partners and never found another, and others who moved on quickly.  I don't know if I'll ever want to be with another man.  I had the best relationship of my life with Ishaq, we were so close for ten and a half years, and I can't imagine being with anyone but him. 

Blessings,

Anna

[aprilmoonflower]

btw I am not picking on you doug, and I can see how you would feel anger in your situation too (sorry you had to go through all that) it sounds quite truamatic.

I just think men and women process things very differently. I also think grief is a HUGE stigma. as is single parenting! when you are young and have kids and are widowed and are a WOMAN especially people tend to dismiss your feelings and grief in a big way and tell you "you are young, you'll find someone else and move on" which is NOT at all helpful. I do see where you are coming from with your advice though! but everyone is on thier own path. there is no magical "cure" to grief. (if it were only that easy!)

[airymoon]

Your right Baca there is no answer to your question. For me, I talked to my husband at 4:30 a.m. the morning he died, I couldn't sleep and he worked nights so i called him to tellhim the things i had to do and  whine because i couldnt sleep. He told me not to worry he would take care of them before he went to bed and he would look at my sons car because it was acting up. At 6:30 his work called and said he was being taken to the hospital. They didn't tell me he had already passed.My life completely changed in 2 hours. It sucs. I had a lot of anger toward others and especially couples and older couples. I still have a lot of anger thats why i work out now i lift wieghts and do cardio things until i've released some of it. I needed to find someway of releasing it and that worked for me. I still get angry about things it just doesn't seem to stay as  long or happen as often.

As for moving on and finding someone else. That is totally a personal decision and nobody should have any say in what we decide or when we decide to date or not. My sister lost her husband when she was 26 and she did become involved with someone else but not for love more because she was lonely and it didnt work out but in the end she now has a daughter that has given her life more meaning. I should clarify that her husband had been gone 4 years when this happened. She says she is still in love with him and only wants him. I know i will never have a love like kurt and i had. I met him when i was 15 and we were married when i was 18 and he died after 22 years of marriage.  I think the best approach  may be- if it happens it happens, If it doesnt it doesnt. If you dont want to date then dont, but IF one day you meet that someone that makes you feel something then be open to it. It is more something you feel than decide. That is just my opinion and each person has their own way and the right to do things in their own way.  

Becky

[mishknit]

april, becky anna....and, of course, baca....

you're all so right about this.

everyone is right about it, because, as you've said, we all go thru this differently and think about it differently.

i accidently opened a pic of my husband tonite on the computer..i have pics all over the house, but this was a really cute one....and started to cry, and then got pissed, and then got mad and felt guilty that i had a date at all and then said "i'm lonely and deserve to date; and then poured a glass of wine and then looked at more pics and drank more wine and who the heck knows, right???/

LOLOL...we go thru what we do, we feel what we do, if we date we do, if we don;'t we don;'t.....and it's all on us, how we feel and how we cope.

now i have to email back the date guy and i'm not sure if i want to...so...i won't email him or call and i'll decide what i want to do.

and whatever that is will be right.

this sucks, big time.

peace,

michele

[kathy714]

Hi to all,my name is Kathy,and i loss my husband Jan,9,2008,he passed away after a long battle with cancer,i post sometimes,but not everyday.I also loss my son Nathan,jan31,2005,and i use to post on here everyday,sometimes even 2and 3 x a day.I just feel like i am having such a hard time right now,and i knew it was coming because i have done this road before.I can't explain,i guess it's like i am getting so tired of trying not to slip into a depression.people are always saying how good i am doing,and some days i want to scream,NO,I AM NOT DOING GOOD,I AM PRETENDING I AM DOING GOOD!!

[airymoon]

kathy714  stop pretending and let them know youre having a bad day. I am so sorry for your losses.

[missyouhoney811]

[align=left]Everything is still good with me.  My spirits are high. It must be my diet, exercise and  my outlook on life.

I cancelled my trip for Vegas today.  I just don't feel like packing and getting on that plane.  Not trying to brag BUT, I hit on the triple 222 on Friday ($1,500),  444 on Sunday ($1,500)  and also my s.s.# for $200..............I think I'lll keep my luck here in Pittsburgh.  Why travel when I am doing well at home.  I think I will play 777.... I'll put it in for a week.  That was also the number on the Pope's plane.  

I finally listed all of the medical equipment (including the van) in the newspaper, pennysaver and the handicapped magazine.  I am moving forward.......All of this STUFF does not represent my John.  It only took me twenty months to realize it.  As far as his clothing.  I think I will save that for another year. 

I hope everyone is having the best day they possibly can. 

Blessings,

Dorothy

If while we are young

just one person loves us uncritically

then we will have love to give

for the rest of our lives........

[/align]

[aprilmoonflower]

Dorothy- that's great!  btw I waited almost 2 years to get rid of the clothes. it's such a hard thing to do. the good news is they will still be there when you get around to it!

[Error username not found]

o man.. im surprised .. thats one aspect of it that i never considered ... geeze.. i dont think ill ever get rid of his stuff.

[rodless]

Michele, I can feel you spinning. Are you a little dizzy?

I'm feeling pretty good after what seemed like the longest winter of my life, even worse than the first one after Rod died.

I am at a point where I really want  to regroup and see what the rest of my life holds. I just can't go on anymore being down in the dumps all the time although I'm sure I'll still have some tears and bad moments once in awhile. I feel Rod with me, probably cheering me on, because he was my best fan and would not want me to be unhappy. Of course tomorrow could be totally different!

I traded my gashog Jeep off for a small car this morning in an effort to be able to go places when I want to. I think that will be a good move. And I got a really cute haircut yesterday. Now I need a new house, new furniture, new clothes.......new life maybe???

MJ

[mishknit]

i have been kicked off here 3 times...

weird.

i guess i was saying that this has been a great discussion, leading to the best part, which is that we know that we can say anything here and be supportd as we move ahead, however slow, fast....however we do it.

and i like your new attitude mary jo...all we have is today, so enjoy it today, and if you feel bad tomorrow..well, we all know you, and all of us, can roll withit.

i am spinning a bit, very dizzy.

i have had 2 friday night dates WITH THE SAME GUY!...which is the operative word. i'm going out again with him again friday....fridays seem to work best for me lately. anyway..he's nice, ya know? he is easy to talk to, we have a lot in common, he knows my story and is kind....i;m not thinkig this is a love match, but i'm having some fun. it's nice to have a guy look at me with interest, to feel like a 'hot chick" LOL! i miss that, and it's been good. we're also not having "starbucks" dates....we went to a litttle wine bar first and chatted over wine and appetizers..last week went to a nice restaurant and then walked to a little coffee shop nearby and talked some more. this week we're going to a festival at a catholic church, which, for me, means bingo! it should be pleasant.

pleasant is a good word for what this all is to me right now

and it's a good thing.

peace,

michele

[Error username not found]

thatz really good. =) im happy for you. i was on the bus with my son today and there was this guy..and he reminded me soo much of my bf.. and he was smiling at my son and me and talking to my son and it was like... damn.. it just made me think.

[aprilmoonflower]

Baca-lol.

Michele- that's great!

Maryjo- sounds like you are in a good place..a new life sounds good anyway!

Linda- just wondering how you are doing? haven't seen you post in awhile. hope you are doing well.

[lindat]

Hi April,   I'm here - sick today, but will be better tomorrow.  Just finished the next to last major chemo this week, one more to go on May 12, then it is on to radiation.  BF situation is very stressful, I have been helping him pack for his move to CA in June and it is very hard to do.   I have to believe that everything is for the best, but after the last couple of years I don't have alot of faith in that.   I know that I would still be fat and miserable if he had never come along and I probably wouldn't have found the cancer in time, so I have to be grateful for what I had, but I really hate saying goodbye again.   This really sucks.   Thanks for asking though  

Michele,  I am sooooo happy for the changes in your life, you deserve some good times!

MJ - the right attitude makes a huge difference, I just have to remember that for myself....

Dorothy, You have amazing luck!  I'm still thinking about that cruise.

Peace to all....

[missyouhoney811]

[align=left]Linda, maybe one of these days (when you are healthy again) we can book flights and go to Vegas.  I simply love that place.........I did cancel my trip for monday.  I just feel my luck is here right now.  They always comp my rooms.  I have no idea why.......they know I am not a high roller.....I guess I just should be thankful.  My next trip that I have scheduled for Vegas is 5/26 to 5/29. 

MJ, I am happy you are perking up a bit.  Take a picture let's see your new hair do......

Night all...

Blessings,

Dorothy

[/align]

[Error username not found]

OMG..NOO!!!! i didnt mean for it to come off as i liked the guy!!!! i re read my post and it sounds as if i was thinking about getting with the guy!! nooooo!!!!  it made me think that that is the way it should be. and my bf should be here w/ us goin places. he reminded me of him so it made me think of him.

i always said alot of people remind me of him..because i guess i look for him everywhere.. but if i ever found someone who looked exactly EXACTLY like him, i would kidnapp him and make him respond to what i call him LOL!!.

[aprilmoonflower]

Baca- oh I see! oops! sorry!

 

Linda- sorry you are going through a tough time. that sounds hard. (((Hugs))) too bad we weren't near one another then we could all hang out and cry and have some wine or what not.lol.

[airymoon]

Baca-i know what you mean, Ive been thinking alot about what if kurt was here. I know he cant be but still

while we are on the subject--what ever happened to just dating or going out just to have fun? It seems like any time I mention that I would like to MAYBE date everyone is asking " are you ready for a relationship" why cant it just be fun and friendly first. Not every date has to end in a relationship. I would really like to just enjoy a date without wondering if he is the right one or where it could go

 

[airymoon]

I have recently found out that my dad has been diagnosed with lymphoma. He is trying to play it down but i know he is worried. He has hardly ever been sick that i can remember and i dont think he missed more than a few days in the 60 years he worked. Now he has cancer and I am not sure how I will handle this. My daughter turned to him after her dad died. When she needed a "man's" hug or when she really missed her dad she would sit on  grandpa's lap.I dont know what it will do to her if she loses him now. He and my son are close too and i dont know how my son will handle it either. Not just the loss but seeing him go through the treatments IF he decides to do them. I know it's selfish but i want my husband with me to go through this. He knows how much my dad means to me even though he drives me crazy. I feel like I have no one to turn to with this because I have to be there for every one else, Before I would always come home to my husband after being there for everyone and he would be there for me. Now I come home to an empty bed and no arms to hold me.  I am sort of seeing someone and he says he wants to be there for me but its not the same because he isnt close to my family and I dont want to have to ask for a hug or whatever. Kurt would just know.  Where is my hole? I just need to crawl into my hole and hide until this is over.

[aprilmoonflower]

Becky- I'm sorry. What an awful time for you. i would just let your new friend be there if he wants to be..your kids do like him and all right? I guess just be honest with your children. that's all you can do. (((Hugs)))

[armaiti]

Becky, I'm so sorry about your dad.  It sucks to not have your partner here to support you with this.  We're here for you though - and even if we aren't there to hug you, we are sending you hugs.

Linda, sorry you are feeling sick today.  I know how hard it is with your friend leaving too.  I know it's different, but I just love having Ishaq's sister and her husband here...they are so supportive and fun to have around, and helpful, and they totally "get" me and let me feel and say whatever I want...I will really miss them when they go to Europe...they won't even be in cell range (they are walkiing the Camino del Santiago pilgramage route for 32 days through France and Spain). 

I'm heading off to Portland with them tomorrow for the family gathering.  I know it will be bittersweet...I miss Ishaq so much, but lately I've been back in that space feeling he's with me always, even when I don't see him in dreams for a while.  I guess it's easier with his sister here. 

Hope everyone has a peaceful night.

Blessings,

Anna

[airymoon]

April- Yes my kids do like him. He has actually been a friend of the family forever. I've known him as long as i've known my husband. It just would be nice to have someone who just knew what i needed instead of asking me because my answer will always be "nothing I'm fine" I would even tell my husband this and he would say I know you are and then hug me or get me a cup of tea or whatever I needed. He just knew.He was my rock and my strength and i am missing him more and more. I am letting my friend-omg do i dare call him my boyfriend?- be there but he has his own issues and i have mine. If my husband were here they would be "our" issues so this whole yours and mine thing is new to me. He has also not been in a very giving relationship before. He has been married twice. His first wife was very controlling and really kind of mean. She handled all the money and gave him an allowance. It was during their divorce that he found out how much she had spent on her self and not the bills or the kids. His second wife wanted to keep everything seperate money, bills, problems etc. If he had a problem at work or with anything the attitude was your problem you fix it. He was in our wedding and he and my husband grew up together and when my hubby died she didn't even come to the funeral with him. She told him she'd go if he wanted her to but she didn't know my husband so she didnt want to really take off work for it. SO...the idea of sharing problems and support is a little foreign to him. That makes it hard for him to be there for me but he is trying.  

[aprilmoonflower]

Becky- I hear ya on all the "issues". I am pretty on my own  so I guess I just am used to having no one to turn to! (sad, but true!).  thankfully we have internet/phone! lol! at least you guys have known each other for a long long time. he probably doesn't know what to day or do though. which doesn't help at times..

 

Anna- hope you have fun at the reunion. it helps when the family gets along and are respectful of one another.

32 months ago today would be DH last day alive. sucks. when will this ever end?

I have a mass of legal issues to contend with still (including probate and changing the kids names,etc) and things are quite a mess in my everyday world. My kids therapies being the big one. it's all so draining.. DS (4) also constantly asks about his dad now too. it's driving me nuts!!! I don't want to talk about him or think about him anywmore! I am quite tired & frustrated of it all! it's really hard being a single mom with no support AND trying to work from home among other things. I am also seriously starting to consider moving down the line. not sure to where though? (Asheville,NC is still at the top of the list but Eugene sounds like my kind of place too..) but who knows what will happen with that? not sure if I am ready to leave the desert just yet.. oh and did I tell you girls I ran over my dog a couple weeks ago? (I was on the way to meet a date) totally bad omen. ugh. I have since decided to back of the dating crap. who needs THAT headache? lol. (Though I still chat with the homeschool dad several times a week) we may do something next week, but we are just friends really. (he has a ton of his own issues unfortunately) but we have gotten to know each other better over the last 3 months and he is turning into a good friend. my kids DESPERATELY need male role models and he's a good guy. also I know this is sick but he's the only one who could make me laugh with his joke about my car being the "death mobile". yeah I know it's kinda sick but he  is comfortable even riding in my car and totally seems to "get it" and my weird sense of humor too. we talk about our former partners ALOT into the wee hours of the morning. it's like therapy. haha.

 

btw yesterday I had something quite scary happen with my vision. ugh!  I had an incident where I couldn't see out fof my left eye (Much like what happens when you get a migraine but I had no headache!) It may have been dehydration though? or issues with my contacts? I did eat some oranges and it happened right after so I wonder if I had a reaction to some pesticide or something (they were not organic) it was just freaky.. AND I am freaking now and it just hits too close to home how alone me and my kids really are in the world and it totally SUCKS! if I couldn't drive I'd be so screwed none less sick or something.

[armaiti]

April, the eye thing could be stress related too, it certainly sounds like you are under a lot of it!  After Ishaq passed I started seeing a lot of flashing light in my one good eye (I'm blind in my left eye) and since the blindness was caused by a retinal detachment, and the flashing lights are a symptom, I was pretty scared, but my eye doctor told me it was stress causing it. 

Eugene is certainly a great place for people who make crafts; you'd probably love doing Saturday Market...and there's lots of others venues for crafters here as well.  I think the weather here is better than N.C, but I can deal with cold better than humidity!

I'll have internet while I'm on this little adventure, so will check in later!

Blessings,

Anna

[aprilmoonflower]

Anna- it likely is stress. it was really hot yesterday too..after I drank some water and sat down (had been mostly on my feet for 8+ hours at that point)it seemed to go away. but I felt like I was going blind for about a good hour!

Eugene sounds like a city full of kindred spirits is my thing.lol. hopefully I will sill make it up there this summer. I likely will stay put for awhile due to the probate stuff. (It could take many years to settle due to debts and other legal issues) but who knows??  I am just sick having to deal with it all over and over and over. not to mention having to pay the lawyer every time I need advice.

[airymoon]

ok i need opinions! I have 4 tattoos, 3 directly represent my family and husband, one is 2 fingers holding a broken heart. it represents my broken heart and the fingers represent the man im seeing (still not ready to say boyfriend what does that mean). It was supposed to be him holding my heart taking care of it, but this is the same man that i was seeing that decided he needed to try to work things out with his x wife and then decided that he wanted to be with me more, so the fingers are now squeezing the heart. To me its a reminder that as bad as my heart hurts it can still be hurt more.  Now here is my problem i want to get a tattoo of an eye crying. I've been looking online at the different tats and I can't find one i like. Kurt had amazing blue eyes. One eye had a brown spot in it and my son has the same thing. Would it be too weird to take in a picture of his eye in and have it tattooed on and add the tear?      The tattoo would mean that he was always with me watching us the tear because we will always cry for our loss.

[aprilmoonflower]

oh yeah they totally can do tats from a pic..just find someone good (sounds like you know someone already though since you already have ink!) I would totally go for it though! sounds beautiful!

I have 2 tattoos. wanting a third..and another peircing.lol.

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wow!! dont even get started on tattoos n peircings!! lol. i have a million piercings..and i want a million tattoos!! lol.. i just have to find the right person to draw it exactly how i want it. when i have that it will be perfect. also.. watch who u tell cuz fukin two people already stole my tattoo ideas.

[aprilmoonflower]

I doubt I can talk about the piercings I want here.lol. (yeah, I'm a freak, it's ok, secret is out.)

 

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ur crazzyyyy!!! lol. i just have 7 on my left ear ( including tragus) 6 on my right.. my nose.. and my belly button..but i havent really worn a belly ring in years. 

[aprilmoonflower]

yeah my belly button piercing is messed up since my last PG. it looks to be still open though. the hole that is, I haven't had a ring in it for a long long time.  at least 3 years. I should get a new barbell or something.. though I don't miss it catching on clothes and stuff.

[Error username not found]

lol yeah.. it got stretched during my pregnancy..but its still open.... i just kant stand it anymore. i put one in a few months ago and it was soo daym annoying i took it right out. i feel annoyed just talking about it now.

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anyway im going to bed.. i just feel overwhelmingly anxious and i cant sleep..but i have to. goodnight.

[aprilmoonflower]

me too! goodnight.

[armaiti]

Interesting conversation...I only have pierced ears, but I pierced them myself when I was 14 with a needle, rubbing alcohol and ice!  I wore my hair long to hide them and over my ears to hide them from my parents.

The family gathering is going really nicely.  It's good to be in a place where everyone is open to talking about Ishaq, and remembering him, and honoring him...it's really sweet.  We're stuffing ourselves with tons of great food and wine, and tomorrow Ishaq's son is taking us on a hike to a beautiful wonderful on the Columbia Gorge.  The weather is finally sunny again, and warm.  I still have pangs when I look at Ishaq's daughter in law, and think how he would have so loved to be here to physically hold his granddaughter when she's born.  But then I remember the dream about her, before they got pregnant, where Ishaq and I were with her and he was holding her, so I guess he already has! 

Sometimes I feel I live two lives...the one here in the physical world, and the one when I dream and travel and see Ishaq.  It seems to have opened up more pathways to that side of things too...last night I was with my own grandmother and visiting with her.  I never dreamed about her until after Ishaq passed and now I've had several dreams with her. 

I'm waiting for the others to get back with Ishaq's twins, they are 26 and both at school in S. Cal, flying up tonight.  So there's ten of us here.  Quite a gathering!

Hope everyone is doing well,

Blessings,

Anna

[mishknit]

i only have pierced ears to....two holes in each.

i wanted to get a tatoo after tom died..but never really could figure out what i wanted. he hated tatoos, and never wanted me to have one...i think my anting to was a bit of an f&^%$ you, and so i waited.

so no tats.

sounds like a lovely time anna..

where in scal are the twins?

and baca...it's nice to hear you joking a bit with april.....

i would have had my belly button pierced in a heartbeat had it been the style when i was younger and would have looked good with a pierced belly button! lol! guess i'll have to wait until next life

goodnight all,

peace,

michele

[missque]

I have my nose, tounge, belly button (but i let it grow in) 3 tat's - ones the one i had done for jer and my dad, another is  a lil heart with a music note in it and another is chinese writing saying love and happiness- all in hidden places...