I Miss Him So...

[eventually]

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.  D's doing fine. They did a EKG and chest xray ( they came out normal.)  The doctor scheduled an echocardiogram because of his family backgroud.  Which makes me happy, hopefully he will go.  It's like pulling teeth to get him to the get checked out.  B was the same way(sometimes I think what if I made him go, he would still be here.)  I'm doing better now, a combination of relief and worried.  Again thank you all for your kindness.  All your words did help, people are still here for me. 

Hope you all have a good day!

Blessings,

Mishi

[aprilmoonflower]

I am really pissed off today..I feel like I wasted 8 years of my life on a lie!!! :X

you know my kids deserved better than what they got. it's so unfair to THEM. and all MY  fault too!  I should have known better! sometimes I think I would be better off never having known him (well except for he fact that my kids exist) I feel like he copped out though. what kind of persone cheats on thier pg wife for YEARS then goes out drinking & drugging when they have a 2 week baby at home? it's just absurd.  AND how it was hidden by EVERYONE after the fact and viewed as perfectly normal behavor. I'm so sick of people not being accountable for thier freaking actions. but yet I am the one called crazy?!?!? FUNNY!!!! I am just simply disgusted all over again at this moment.  especially when I have been outright BLAMED for his death. which is simply unforgiveable. how is it I am now responsible for his actions? and you know what I realize? that me and my kids deserve a whole lot better than what we got..I am so moving on from all of this. I'm sooo sick of wasting my time defending someone I never even knew and who turned out to be a total liar and fake and quite frankly not much of a man at all.

ugh. (it's just one of those days)

[aprilmoonflower]

eventually that's good that everything is ok. maybe it was a panic attack?

[eventually]

aprilmoonflower, That's what we were thinking.(I get them frequently)  It's been going on for awhile, but with the history I'm glad he got checked out.

[eventually]

aprilmoonflower- ((((HUGS)))) I wish I could do or say something to ease your pain.  I'm thinking of you.  If you ever need to talk or vent let me know. My email is mishirae13@hotmail.com. 

-Mishi

[maamgrey]

Hi Lynn,

I have the exact same feelings you describe.  Some days I make it through okay and other days I cry a little an other days I have major meltdown.  I miss him so much and I so wish I could have him back.  I go to the cemetery too and talk to him.  I know he's not there, but I feel close to him there.  I like having someplace to go. 

Have a nice time with your family, especially your grandson.

Sue

[aprilmoonflower]

((Thanks Mishi))

today is better..I am just tired of dealing with the same old **** OVER and OVER and  OVER is my problem. when does it ever end?

otherwise I ran over my dog on Thurs and broke her foot. ugh! she is ok but her foot is broken! poor dog!

 

[armaiti]

April, so sorry you are going through all this...and so sorry about your dog, but glad she's ok!

I've been having a tough time too...just being sick so much, and it's spring again and tons to do in the garden and no Ishaq here to help me or to go to the ocean with or to sing with, or to make me soup when I'm sick...I'm so tired of being alone, and I don't want anyone but him.  What a mess.  At least I got the lawns mowed yesterday and I'm going to start on the weeds...maybe go get some flowers to perk up the yard...and going out to dinner tonight with a friend and then see her daughter's dance performance - she's in a hip hop group that is very high energy, so that should be fun.

Hope everyone has a peaceful weekend,

Blessings,

Anna

[eventually]

April, I'm glad your day is better.  So sorry about your dog and I'm glad she'll be okay.

Anna, (((HUGS))) I hope your day gets better.

My day is better *knock on wood* I'm getting ready to go into tech week for Macbeth. This is when costumes, crew, lights, sound and actors all come together.  So this week will be kinda crazy.  It will keep me occupied so that's good

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

~Mishi

[missyouhoney811]

I do read daily and my heart goes out to all of you.  At times I feel guilty because I am presently doing well.  I am just so sorry you are feeling so bad.  I wish I could do something for all of you. 

I am still doing my daily Zumba and enjoying it alot.  Anna, I know how tough hip hop is I do it once a week with the younger girls.  The movement is great exercise.  It truly does the body good.

I went to church this evening and picked up my salad for the night.  I tend to waste too much when I buy lettuce.  So I always go to the salad bar at the grocery store. 

I have to run out and pick up some power ball tickets for tonights lottery.  I believe you can buy them up till 9:59 PM.  I did decent on my tickets from Wednesday night. I hit for a total of $828.00.  With my winnings I paid off my cruise.  I will not be taking it until July 3rd.  I am looking forward to being with my sisters on vacation.  I guess you could call it a once in a lifetime vacation. 

Talk to you later.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[Error username not found]

ugh..it doubled..look above.

 

[Error username not found]

[missque]

i like the cut!

i had always wanted red highlights and after jer died i started getting them- i found it kinda like a way to 'reinvent' myself - jer will alway be apart of me no matter what but at the same time i know i have to make a new melissa- so thats what i did.

[Error username not found]

thenx.. and i know what you mean. ive always been the type to do crzy things to my hair for a change lol. ive had it soo many diff. colors and soo many diff. leghths. my usual is down to my hips though.. ive never had it this short! lol.

[mishknit]

oh april...

same old ****, different day, right? we all have that, i guess..some days harder than others, angrier, whatever. know you are held here in all of our hearts.

your hair looks great courtney! very cool style.

dorothy, still haven't looked intoi zumba class by me....but i'm going to.

i actually bought A lotto ticket tonite for the first time in years..send me your luck! lol!

anna....everything is harder, isn't it? i know what you mean....well, we all do. i guess keeping busy is the best answer we have. i potted a bunch of shade plants the other day.it felt SO good! i love to garden, and just have been a slug. but i will do more, i will, i will i will! lol

I had a wedding rehearsal last night and then went on what i call a "meet and greet'....glass of wine with a guy. no bigie, but a nice man. he seemed interested, i told him the ball was in his court, but if he wanted to see me again, i would. nothing more i could do, and i'm too old to play any games about this. so, we'll see. he was very nice tho, we talked easily...certainly worth a second date.

and yet.....what i wouldn't give to not have to do that...

and yet..this is my life now, right?

peace,

michele

[aprilmoonflower]

michele- a date you say!?!

I am planting tomatoes today.  (5 different heirlooms) it is really late here in the desert for that, but i am using those upside down planters hung up in my kitchen. if my kids stay out of them we should be set!

 

courtney- your hair is cute.

[rodless]

Anna & Michele...so much of what you say I can identify with. Spring is helping when it stays spring (snow Friday & Saturday) but still so much emptiness sometimes.

[missque]

been feelin alot of anger and resentment the past few days towards jer- but i guess thats normal

moving home forsure and i dont even wanna think about it- i live 4 hrs away and i can't even get along with my family.. let alone living there (which i havent done in 6 years). my biggest stress is my grandma who lives in our house with my gandpa- hes normal and tells her off when its needed- but she has to stick her nose into everything that doesnt concern her- its beyond the 'looking out for my granddaughter' stuff. i get e mails from her about work because im not working nore have a job yet.. she e mails me stuff about school that she doesnt even know what shes talking about- like tonights "you know i was talking to my friend and she said that u can go to the Univ. of Calgery (for starts dif province) and do ur Bach of Education and go right into teaching.... ugh no matter where u go in what country thats the way it works- plus the dead lines for canadian applications was in Nov when i applied- Buffalo is the only closest that takes apps all year round... or when i get bitched at about money "well how the hell can you spend money on getting your hair done when your not working" "well why didnt you get into teachers college- why arnt your grades good enough?" "you dont have a job you know McDonalds is always looking"-- thats her fav. line she says that one any time im home visiting-- uh maybe because i have a uni degree and i dont not want to be working in fast food- i didnt spent 60 000in school to flip burgers. so then i have to defend myself- like anyone would- and when i try to she has to throw everything down - like when i told her i quit my job cuz of the asshole boss- well u just bought a new car how will u pay for it- uh i have money in my savings account - but u dont have a job u should have staid it doesnt matter what ur dealing with- uh yes actually it does and again SAVINGS ACCOUNT! my fav is "well these clothes fit me why dont they fit you" ie- calling me fat... or how mad she gets me when she buys me clothes- no offence to anyone but a 22 yr olds style and a 70 yr old style VERY different! then she gets mad and wont talk to me for a day- she acts like a 5 yr old. even if i try to tell her something im proud of she will find fault in it ive had my mom talk to her before telling her to butt out but my god i dont think ill make it this summer- i just had a chat with my mom and im all pissed off because shes like oh just ignore it- HOW THE HELL DO YOU IGNORE IT AFTER HEARING THIS **** YOUR WHOLE LIFE?????? i just dont wnat anything to do with moving home - And the problem is no one tells her to budd out- i can't cuz im her granddaughter - i dont know how i will last longer than a week - cuz thats usually my leaving point any other time...and they wonder why i went on anxiety pills a few yr ago (they up'd them when jer died) cuz all the anziety i hold in from wanting to sream and yell and not be able to.

[mishknit]

melissa...

oh my

just sending you hugs.

and...the reality of an older person..

sometimes working in a crappy joint to pay the rent is worth it, rather than moving back home..ya know?

meanwhile...you can vent here whenever..we love you

peace, michele

[aprilmoonflower]

melissa- you CAN tell her to butt out. even if it is Granny. and ESPECIALLY if she is causing you un needed stress. that is NOT what you need. nor do you deserve it or have to tolerate it. just do not engage her and set boundries!!!!! (((hugs))) that sounds hard. btw, did you apply at buffalo? or is it out of the question? what about other schools in the states? (You might be able to qualify for US grant $ for living expenses that way) I hope it all works out and you can stay where you are somehow or a least find a more comfortable option. what about working as a nanny?

[missque]

mishkit- no no this would be while im at home amd looking lol

as far as other schools goes- its just so much more for tuition than we pay here on top u pay cuz ur coming from another area-- but i am still looking into it- buffalo is just the best because they work with Ontaro Federation of Teachers so you will get ur New York certificate (not that it matters to me) and the ontario one without doing extra work- and u can do ur placement in ontario also...i looked into nannys because theres a bunch of opportunities in my town but you just need sooo many qualifications (in some casesd Eearly childhood ed.)

im not letting myself go to bed tonight till ive lerned 100 terms for an exam so wish me luck lol...i just hope i can find a way to deal with home

[missque]

im feeling so angry with jer right now- like i can't stop thinking about his ex's abd how they got so much longer wth him- one was with him for 3 yrs the other 2.5 and all i got was 7 months... its just not fair that he wasited his time with them (and he truly did - they are horrible ppl one of them is the one who said who cares when her sis who was jers best friend told her what happened)  and yet all i got was 7 months... it just makes me angry and mad like i did something to not get longer i just look at this pic i have and it makes me mad somesimes i feel like its all a dream- having met him and losing him... doesnt help with not wanting to leave...

cant seem to concerntrate to study if my life depended on it

[Error username not found]

hey.. you should just tell her " if everything that comes out of your mouth is gonna be rude then just dont say anything." .. or sumn to that effect. it might work.

[missque]

oh how i wish i could baca i just cant i dunnol.. hopefully it wont be too bad but i know im stupid thinking that--it tends to come down to me getting so pissed off that i yell at my mom then my mom talks to her dad (my gramps) and he yells at my granny lol- its just hard not having been there in so long normally when **** starts to hit the fan i just leave and come back to school but i can't really do that now

my fav is when u dont thank her for something and then she says ur not getting a bday fidt or christmas etc lol

[aprilmoonflower]

I guess there is only one thing to do then and that is to learn how to tuner her out! do you have an ipod? just put it on each time she starts in on you? lol. maybe she'll get the subtle hint?

[missque]

lol i just might have too!

[eventually]

Not having a good day!!! If I wasn't working I think I would curl up in a ball and cry all day maybe scream.  Yesterday, was watching a play "Women of Lockerbie"  very good it was about grieving and death(plane crash in Lockerbie, Scottland).  Well afterwards it really got to me and I lost it in the bathroom. Then I was so pissed I threw the playbill across the room and kicked a bench (probably not the best thing, but I felt better, except for hurting my foot). Luckly no one was around.  Haven't had such sudden shift in moods lately.  It kinda scared me.  Been crappy ever since.  I will come back and read the posts. I just have no energy right now.  Thanks for letting me vent. -Mishi

 

[maamgrey]

Oh I know exactly how you feel!  Mike was with his ex for 20 years, although the last 10 he lived in the basement and they were pretty much separated all that time.  He stayed because he was trying to protect his kids from her.  She is truly crazy!  We only had 3 years and that crazy bitch had him for 20 and treated him like dirt - she didn't deserve him!!!!!!

When Mike died, I called his daughter - she's a freshman in college.  She told her mother who immediately picked up the phone and called me and left a message saying that any money that was left better go to her daughter!  She told her daughter that she couldn't come to the funeral.  She called me and said she was coming - she was 18 and didn't need her mother's permission but she didn't have the money so I gave it to her.  Can you believe she'd tell her daughter she couldn't go to her own father's funeral?   How sick and heartless!

Why were we cheated?  We knew what we'd found in each other and we appreciated what we had and talked about it all the time and told each other we loved each other.  At least I know that.  Why do these horrible women get these great guys and then we get robbed?

Sue

 

[airymoon]

miss you can tell her to butt out. just kill her with kindness if that doesnt work. say things like your right granma you know you are. If all that doeasnt work try a 3rd shift job? lol

 becky-- oh and xanac will help you deal with everything

[airymoon]

Miss also have you thought about working in a childcare not a nanny but a  child care facility. Also check into the scholarships available in the states i think there may be one for people fromother countries. What line of teaching are you going in to? Im working on my earlychildhood degree and hopefully pre-k teaching cert

[armaiti]

I had a total meltdown last night.  I just missed Ishaq so much I didn't think I could keep breathing.  I had a good long talk with my spiritual teacher and that helped.  Then in the early morning I had a dream that I was looking all over this house for Ishaq, and finally I was in this room and I thought I heard his voice and I said "where are you?" and he said, "turn around, I'm just right here" and he was there, laying on the couch, smiling at me.  It was like he was telling me that no matter how much it seems that I can't find him, he'll always be right there with me when I need him most. 

His sister and her husband arrive Friday, and I'll have company for a while, which will help.  I'm finally feeling a bit healthier but I feel like I put on a bunch of weight while I was sick and I just feel awful...tomorrow I start exercising again on a regular basis and eating healthier again...I was so sick that I just ordered a lot of takeout and I'm sure that wasn't the best for me...

All of those having hard times, I know what you are feeling for sure.  And Miss, your grandma needs to mind her own business! 

Courtney, I love the new haircut, it's really cute!

Blessings,

Anna

[missque]

good news is i found out i can apply for the canadian and ontario loans even if im going to school in the US- I just need to be a citizen- which i had thought i had to be in school here

[rodless]

Anna, I am so sorry. Those meltdowns are tough but I guess they are part of the process and sometimes I actually feel better afterwards. The feelings and sadness seem to build and build and then explode. I'm glad you found someone to talk to. And I hope you will feel better soon. I screwed up on your email address and got a returned message so need to reenter it into my address book and then you will hear from me. Take a walk, sleep late, watch a silly movie whatever it takes to get you going forward again! Mary Jo

[missyouhoney811]

Anna, my thoughts and prayers are with you.  I know I said it time and time again I just wish we lived closer.  It would be great if we could give each other face to face group therapy.................just with conversation no medication.

On my way to Jenny Craig to get weighed in.  I have been taking off 1-1/2 to 2-1/2 pounds per week.  I know the diet is good for me I am really eating my fruits and veggies these days.  I feel great and very healthy.  I believe I owe alot of my wellness to Zumba.  Our classes have increased so much in size.  We are actually having another open house on 4/26 and 4/27.  It will be opened to the general public free.  To think a damn doctor wanted to cut on my back.  So happy I did not listen. 

Please try and have a high spirited day...............

Blessings,

Dorothy

[mishknit]

those days are hard anna..

but i'm with mary jo in that, when i do have them, i always feel better after. i do think it's a bit like we bottle it all up to keep moving ahead, and then we just have to let go, feel it, wallow in it, and then pick ourselves back up again.

i think that is probably very healthy, but it is what it is.

hang in there,

peace,

michele

[Error username not found]

thenx everyone about my hair =). but anna.. i hope you feel better. i know what you mean..and i think we all do. lately ive been worse than before..but eh.. i mean ill be like this the rest of my life. in my opinion, no matter if some of us remarry..or find a new bf.. there will always be that empty broken feeling that we will have for the rest of our lives.

[crazylady]

Hi Sue,

Just got back from visiting my Daughter and her family.

I enjoyed being with them especially my Grandson Ashton.

We visited a very pretty seaside town on Sunday, it was a bittersweet time because it was the last seaside town we visited with Neil, last June.

I remember he was not feeling too good at the time and was waiting to go to hospital for tests, never imagining for a moment just how seriously ill he actually was.

The weather was beautiful, we took Ashton onto the beach, it was the first time he had been there, Neil was carrying him and put him down so that his feet touched the sand and he was kicking furiously seeming to love it.

Neil was so happy and proud to be his grandad, i have pictures to mark the occasion, we all look so happy and carefree.

This time as i walked towards the beach i thought my heart would stop, i could see Neil so clear in my mind smiling at me, it really upset me, i wish i could just go back in time , so many things i want to tell him about, life is so unfair.

Enough about me, how are you doing Sue?

How are your dogs doing, i believe you have four, am i correct?

Dogs are such good company aren't they. Our dog has just turned fourteen, he looks a lot like a Labrador in the body, is chocolate Brown, but his legs are really really short so he looks very strange, he has a nice nature, but is a good house dog and i feel secure with him. 

Regards

Lynn

 

 

[armaiti]

Thanks everyone for the support...I'm doing better today...went and had my hair cut and changed the style, now I'm wearing it my wavy/curly, instead of straight.  It's still long, but will be easier to deal with in the summer...my stylist told me about having adrenal fatigue and how the diet she's on is really helping...I looked it up and the symptoms are exactly what I'm feeling...apparently a huge stress, like a loss of a loved one can really knock this into high gear, and it all makes sense - that I'm tired all the time, but I can't sleep when I go to bed; that I get sick a LOT more and it takes a lot longer for me to get better, and a bunch of other things...She told me she just has really changed her diet - no sugar, no wheat, no pasta...lots of fruit and vegetables, and a reasonable sized portion of meat or chicken as well.  I'm going to give it a try and see if it helps...she said the weight just fell off her when she started this.  I need to feel better about myself...I was watching Dancing With the Stars last night, and Priscilla Presley did splits and she's in her sixties!!!!  I may not get to THAT point, but I can definately work on my diet and get in better shape!  That's going to be my spring goal.

Blessings,

Anna

[airymoon]

Courtney--your right about always feeling this way even if we get remarried or have a boyfriend. I've been seeing someone a lot more lately and we are getting really close. Sometimes i think i may be falling in love but its so different from what i had before. Its not the "I cant live with out you" love. I dont know if i"ll ever have that again or maybe im just older and wiser now and i figure if i can live after my husband died than surely i can if i break up with someone. Still it seems unfair that I think that way even though i know i will never love the way i loved Kurt

The trip to the Bahama's was great.The temp in the high 70's and really sunny the resort we stayed at was an all inclusive so we didnt have to pay extra for the food or drinks and there were a lot of free things to do. I went snorkeling for the first time in my life and even though i panicked a little at first it was fun. It was actually fairly inexpensive, for 5 of us to go and stay 5 days and 4 nights it was less than 3000, and that included the boat ride over from FL. Its not a vacation I can take every year but it is one i can save for  again.

The pic i have up is of my daughter playing in the sand on the beach there. She missed her daddy and that day we were just the two of us and we were doing a lot of talking about him.

[laquinn]

Anna I know that I have not been here that long but I have been having some of the same things you are. I moved back here in Febuary and I was sleeping better not having to stay up half the night and then waking up early in the morning. But the past few weeks I have went back to staying up late and  getting up early. Just can't sleep!  

I am really having a hard time this past Friday was week 26 since Randy left me and a year that he had his kidney removed! That was a bad day I have been trying not to work on days that I know will be hard but I had to work that day was doing ok and then I cooked an order and the guy I work for came back and said something about it and I just started crying and could not stop. Don't know why I have no idea what set me off, then I tried to go out with the kids Saturday night I was gone an hour and came home I just couldn't do anything the whole weekend. I hate feeling like this. It's like the pain just dosen't stop sometimes my chest hurts just thinking about him and I can't stop it.

I have went to working 6 days a week just so that I don't have to be here by myself I just hate this. Why did he have to go? I don't know how to do anything with out him I need him so bad!  There are so many things that I needed him to tell me about and now I won't ever find anything out. There are so many things that we wanted to do and now we can't. I actualy got out the book from the funeral and sat and read it the other day I HATE THIS. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would ever lose him at least not yet he was only 52! We have 3 grandsons that still miss him and talk about papa and things they did. And they are 2,3, and 4.

When will all of this stop when will I ever feel "normal" again? Or do I ever?

Sorry for rambling jsut having a bad week and it is only tuesday :X 

I hope everyone else is doing ok.

Lela

[laquinn]

As I was going through things the other day I found this and would like to pass it alon if no one minds.

[align=center]A COP ON THE TAKE[/align]

[align=center]First he takes...the oath[/align]

[align=center]Now look at what else he takes:[/align]

[align=center]He takes...it in stride when people call him pig.[/align]

[align=center]He takes...his lousy paycheck realizing he'll never be rich.[/align]

[align=center]He takes...a second job sometimes to make ends meet and [/align]

[align=center]suport his family.[/align]

[align=center]He takes...time to stop and talk to children.[/align]

[align=center]He takes...your verbal abuse while giving you a ticket you [/align]

[align=center]really deserve.[/align]

[align=center]He takes...on creeps you would be afraid to even look at.[/align]

[align=center]He takes...time away from his family, to keep yours safe.[/align]

[align=center]He takes...your injured child to the hospital.[/align]

[align=center]He takes...the late shift whitout complaint because it's[/align]

[align=center]his turn.[/align]

[align=center]He takes...his life into his hands daily.[/align]

[align=center]He takes...you home when your car breaks down.[/align]

[align=center]He takes...time to explain why both of your headlights[/align]

[align=center]need to work.[/align]

[align=center]He takes...the job no one else wants-telling you a loved[/align]

[align=center]one has been killed.[/align]

[align=center]He takes...criminals to jail.[/align]

[align=center]He takes...in sights that would make you cry.[/align]

[align=center]Sometimes he cries but he takes it anyway because[/align]

[align=center]someone has to.[/align]

[align=center]He takes...memories to bed each night that you couldn't [/align]

[align=center]bear for one day.[/align]

[align=center]He takes...time to explain why he can't make the ballgame his[/align]

[align=center]child is in and why he has to work on the holidays when[/align]

[align=center]other parents are off.[/align]

[align=center]Someday...he may take a bullet.[/align]

[align=center]If he's lucky he may take retirement.[/align]

[align=center]Then one day he pays for all he's taken...and hopefully[/align]

[align=center]God takes him.[/align]

[align=center]HAVE YOU THANKED A COP LATELY?[/align]

[align=center] [/align]

[align=left]So much of this was so true to Randy that I had to share it with you all.[/align]

[align=left] [/align]

[align=left]Thanks Lela [/align]

[align=center] [/align]

[rodless]

Lela,

I'm glad you posted again. This is a good place to spill it all out. 26 weeks is not very long and is probably one of the worst points...long enough to realize that things will never be the same but not long enough to have done much adjusting. It does get better. The really bad times get further apart and you learn coping techniques, but there are still times all you can do is cry or scream. Anna and I have been at this almost 2 yrs. and we still have meltdowns. I don't have any answers of why we lost our husbands. All I can say is I understand all the feelings you describe. Hope today will be ok for you.

Mary Jo

[doug42]

hello, mabey you can give me sone insight..i lost my girlfriend of 7 years suddenly,feb 2004..i thought that my life was over ..noone would ever want me again or understand what i went through..i dated some but really never felt a connection..anout a year and a half ago i met the most wonderful woman..she lost her husband june 2005, after a long illness..we instantly hit it off and everything was great..she has a son who is awesome, we all get along great..we talked about growing old togeather..about 7 weeks ago she started to pull away and sometimes she would get quiet..i asked waht was wrong and ahe would say not to worry..then the phone call came...i cant do this ..i miss my husband...my heart broke for he..she is not the type to get emotional or cry..that day i cried for her..i have not seen her or talked to her since..i love her to much and i will not give up on her..i have to let her figure things out...some other widows i know say mabey she is feeling guilty, that she needed to grieve some more..i totally understand that..i talked alot and cried when i was forced into my time of despair..i pray for her every day and night that she will be ok..i miss her so much and worry about her..we allways said that our spouses got us togeather..she is a gift from god..i want to send her a note and tell her that i care and am here for her,but she said that she would call me..i don't know what to do..i am having all of these feelings all over again..its so hard...i do not ever want to take anything away from her marrage..we allways talked about our loved ones, it was so easy between us ..i guess that i am looking for answers from anyone who reads this...thank you....doug

[crazylady]

Hi Doug,

Sorry you are having such a tough time. I lost my husband on New Years Eve so it's all very new to me this grieving business, i just know that i am finding everything very painful at the moment.

I dont know how long it is since you and your lady lost your partners but i guess your lady still has some more grieving to do before she can start a new life.

My mum died a few years back and we were all devastated especially my dad, he eventually met and fell in love with someone who loves him equally as much. At the time myself and my family were relieved because he had been so lonely, he never complained but we knew.

He used to say how much he missed mum and of course we all did and still do , but it wasn't until i lost Neil that i could understand exactly how he felt.  He sat talking to me the other day, i was very upset, having a rotten time and he told me that just a few nights before he had woken up crying for my mum.

 He said he wondered how could that be when he was lying next to a woman that he loved very much, and that he felt so guilty, but he said he would always love my mum because they had been together for 49 years and were very happy and that would not change ever. He said that guilt was part of that and that wouldn't change either.

I guess what i'm trying to say is that if you are meant to be together you will be. She feels guilty for loving you, but i think if you leave her be and let her work through her guilt then she will come back to you,

Be patient Doug and i sincerely hope it all works out for you.

Lynn

 

[doug42]

thank you...i suffered my loss in 2004, she in 2005..we both waited a little over a year to start dating again..when i tell you what we have is magic i mean it...not in my wildest dreams did i think that i would meet someone who was so alike..i love her in everyway..i know what she is going through, the hardest part is not being there to comfort her..thank you for your best wishes....doug

[crazylady]

You know what Doug give her a while, then maybe you could get a card, something fairly plain no soppy verses or anything like that, and just drop her a note.

Keep it simple nothing heavy, along the lines of ... thought i'd just see how you are keeping, i'm here if you ever need to talk,

If she doesn't feel pressured she might call you.

Lynn

 

[Error username not found]

hey doug.. just thought i'd tell u this....

i feel guilty just talking to other guys..even if they're just asking me the time.. so for her to actually have been dating you means she wants to have someone there.. i just think its new feelings she's never dealt with before, being that your most likely the first guy shes been with since her husband, so just give her the space she needs. you'll be talking again soon.

[doug42]

thank you for the kind words...i i have to give her the time she needs, i will keep praying for her...this is very hard, but i have to be the man that she wanted me to be..looking back i guess that i had some of the same feelings that she is feeling, the hardest part is telling her myself that everything is going to be ok..our loved ones would not want us to go through life alone and unhappy...thank you for being a friend....doug

[airymoon]

Hi Doug

I lost my husband 2 years ago and i still miss him a lot. The best thing you can do for her is be there for her however she needs you to be even if it is only as a friend. I was recently in the same situation and i told the [erson i was seeing that i couldn't  be more than a friend anymore.I knew what we had was special and so did he. He gave me my space and then called just to see how i was doing and it felt so good to talk to him again. The ending result was that we agreed to slow things down. We are still dating but no talk of anything permanent. In my case i was afraid that i would get close to him and lose him. I was terrifyed of that pain. I also was afraid i wouldnt be able to really love anyone else like i should and i thought it was better to let him  go than hurt him or risk being hurt. We have talked about all og this but it took along time and it wasnt easy. let her go at her own pace and jsut let her know that you are there if she needs you.

[doug42]

hello, this week will be 6 weeks since i last saw her..i am having alot of sad feeling for her and i miss her so much..i have also ben thinking of my own loss in 2004 alot..the reason we got along so well was because we have both ben through the same thing she allways said our relationship was so easy..i will give her the space she needs, i just am afraid to send her a little note telling her that i am here for her..i just remember her telling me that she missed her husband, and that she had the perfect marrage with him...i felt so bad and wanted to tell her that everything was going to be ok,,she is not the type of person who gets emotional alot, but that day i heard it in her voice...we all have to cry for our loved ones,,i do..i just want to be there for her ..i love her and miss her so much..i feel like i have lost again,,it hurts