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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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Father,

                I do not want this life anymore.  Please take it from me?  The people who are suppose to love me do not love me. Yesterday was my birthday and my sister in law knew it was and then she took my brother, his wife, and 4 kids out to a dinner, bought them some knew clothes and all and never even asked me if i wanted to go. then their kids come back showing me all the things that she bought them. i never got a birthday card, no letters, no emails, no phone calls. i am nothing here. this world is full of hate and i dont want it any more so please take me home?  i have no one.. then later last night i drove to visit a friend who i thought was a good christian friend only to have him call me a slut and liar.  i did not need that cause i am already hurting deeply inside.  i just want to go home. please just take me home tonight? take me to where your at, to where their is love, please. A-MEN

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Whitedove2 - It saddens me deeply to read the pain and lonliness you are feeling.  Your use of whitedove as a name implies you are a beautiful person inside and out in God's eyes.  Please try to realize that there are so very many people in this world that only think of themselves (unfortunately Christian's included).  I would suggest you try to think of why none of your attempts to end this life of yours have not been completed.  Could it be that you are learning that if nothing else here on earth loves you, please realize the God who created you does love you.....in your darkest moments He can be the light that would lead you into a life that you could fulfill what He has planned for you.  Try to look toward Him and not others for your guideance, and please come to the boards and let go of all your emotions that are burdening you, relase them here and try to find a path that will lead you to the love you are not feeling from other people.  There are many others on these boards who will uplift you thru cyber space......may you find your way to the love you are searching for.  Do take care.

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    Thank you both for the kind replies  i was kind of drinking when i posted that. i still feel unloved a lot of the time. it is like i am all alone in this whole thing,

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Hi Whitedove (love the flying dove) - Hope you are doing better today than yesterday and will be even better tomorrow.  As you are well aware, there will be days when it just doesn't seem worth fighting anymore, but I do hope you will continue to cling to the precious gift of life you have been given.  Continue to post, on bad or good days....it seems to help, I know it did for me.  Take care!

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sheela   

[user=18020]whitedove2[/user] wrote:

Father,

                I do not want this life anymore.  Please take it from me? 

i feel the same way hun i lost mother last year and hurt so bad !! hugs

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[user=15510]mofirefly[/user] wrote:

Hi Whitedove (love the flying dove) - Hope you are doing better today than yesterday and will be even better tomorrow.  As you are well aware, there will be days when it just doesn't seem worth fighting anymore, but I do hope you will continue to cling to the precious gift of life you have been given.  Continue to post, on bad or good days....it seems to help, I know it did for me.  Take care!

Thank you.   Each day is a challange for me and i feel so alone in this. it is like i am just so unloved cause i have something wrong with me.  To me it feels like if i was healthy then others would love me but now i am just left alone.  I was posting on a suixcide forum for a long time but then i got drunk one night and peoiple said things that hurt me so i got mad because i was hurt and posted several curse words online, 2 days later i start to post how i am feeling and find out it has to be pre-viewd by a mod before it gets posted, which means it will be from 3 hours  up to 2 days before it gets posted. that hurts because sometimes one needs an answer or a friend right then not later.  but then i found out they also took away my pms. that was my only contact there, they took away my contact, they took away my support, they have backed me into a corner and i have been to many suicide web-sites, i have seen over and over how often some are backed into a corner and then they attempt again and succeed in it. Heck the reason i went there in the first place was to find a reason to stay, to fight, but now i am backed into a corner then i found this site by searching death on google..  Death is are final destination.  I love those people at that other site. i got to know several of them there and i could always log on and pm and several times they stopped me from taking pills but now the admin has taken that from me. now i have no one..  so what happens now when i get so upset and have several bottles of pills beside me, if i go there i cant post or pm quick enough. oh well enough of my life has been posted online enough now.. more then it should be i guess.  i guess i need to just break away from everyone, just be like a hermit and not around anyone.. really i dont think it would even matter.  i have not been at that site for over 1 month and i can almost bet that they have already forgotten me.  well enough about me.  thank you for your kind reply

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[user=18883]sheela[/user] wrote:

[user=18020]whitedove2[/user] wrote:
Father,

                I do not want this life anymore.  Please take it from me? 

i feel the same way hun i lost mother last year and hurt so bad !! hugs

Hun, i am sorry you lost your mom.. I lost mine when i was 15 years old. i had to quit school and take care of my younger brother and disabilied dad, She passed away may 6, 1988 and was buried on may 9, 1988 it was mothers day. that was the hardest thing i ever had to do was knowing it was mothers day and here i was at a graveyard watching them bury my mom. it still hurts to this day and i just turned 36 2 days ago..  So sorry you lost her. I will pray for you and that God gives you the comfort you need.

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Whitedove - Forgive me for not knowing your situation better - I've only been able to read a few of your posts and I don't get on the boards nearly as often as I use to - but tonight when I read that you had lost you mom at such a young age and then read that her final service was on Mother's Day no less - well - I can't find any words to discribe how that made me feel, which also means you must be feeling so very much worse - and yet you have survived - perhaps not in a way you would want to, yet you are a survivor.  I do hope that if I or others are unable to repond to any of your posts here at BI that you will not feel you have been forgotten - many of us read and then simply can't find the words to reply to a post - but posting here is still a very good way of letting out some of the hurt that you are going thru.  I do hope that the words I type here are of some small help to you - you've been thru so very much that I can't even comprehend - again, you are a survivor!  I'll try to keep an eye out for your posts and reply when I can.  Please take care of yourself.

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[user=15510]mofirefly[/user] wrote:

Whitedove - Forgive me for not knowing your situation better - I've only been able to read a few of your posts and I don't get on the boards nearly as often as I use to - but tonight when I read that you had lost you mom at such a young age and then read that her final service was on Mother's Day no less - well - I can't find any words to discribe how that made me feel, which also means you must be feeling so very much worse - and yet you have survived - perhaps not in a way you would want to, yet you are a survivor.  I do hope that if I or others are unable to repond to any of your posts here at BI that you will not feel you have been forgotten - many of us read and then simply can't find the words to reply to a post - but posting here is still a very good way of letting out some of the hurt that you are going thru.  I do hope that the words I type here are of some small help to you - you've been thru so very much that I can't even comprehend - again, you are a survivor!  I'll try to keep an eye out for your posts and reply when I can.  Please take care of yourself.

i do not mind that anyone might not be able to reply, cause there are some posts i just dont know what to say to help others either.

i know that on mothers day in 1988 i did not cry at the funeral home, nor at the ride to the graveyard but right after they did the services at the graveyard, we all walked back to the cars and i looked back and when i seen them lower her casket into the ground, i lost it. i cryed so hard at that moment i guess it was the thought of knowing that she was now gone??  I dont think i can ever get over that really... 

One thing gets to me some about that though, and that is why in the world the funeral home could not wait until the day after mothers day to bury her :? but i guess they were just too busy or something..

yep, i might be a survivor but for how long???   i am not doing too well emotionally and have attempted to take my own life several times in the past.. 

thank you for you kind words.

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sheela   

white dove hugs & we do care, i should have wrote yesterday to you but i was in so much pain & still am. Mother passed this time last year on friday and its hurting me so bad that i am finding it hard to write i am sorry.  hugs

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Whitedove - I totally agree that the funeral homes made a huge mistake in having your mom's service on Mother's Day - how insensitive people can be...that day is so difficult for many of us to get thru, and now it's been basically clouded over for you with the sights you saw on that day.  Please always try to reach out whenever the lows become unbearable, like aurora mentioned the 800 number or coming here and letting go of the feelings....and then perhaps once in a while a good thought will peek thru the clouds and bring a smile to your face - when that does happen grab hold of that precious moment and keep focused on it.  Do take care!

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[user=19088]aurora[/user] wrote:

Whitedove, you can always call 1-800-SUICIDE 24 hours a day. There is always someone to talk to you there. I will tell you that I have been put on hold at times when I called that # as they were busy. Also, I called once at 1:30 am and had a truly bad experience with the counselor who should never be doing that phone line. But over all, there are compassionate, caring counselors that answer that phone line. Try it when you're really down.

Yeah, call that number and get put in a nut house again for another 1 week or 2 or whatever??  I guess i would rather die.  Do not like those stupid nut houses, people there are really crazy some of them are, when i was put in there this dang army guy ( been in the army ) and all he did while i was there was shout outload about marching and getting in line, day and night he did that for the whole 3 dang days i was there, i dont think he even slept... then there was this one lady who carried a baby doll around with her and keep asking me if i was her momma... lol.. then there was this one lady who could sang really good but i think she kept hearing voices cause she kept asking me if i heard them and i was like no... i dont hear voices, i just want to die... so no i do not want to go back to a place like that when i need to just talk with someone like a minister?? that is if i could ever find one i could trust but now that my trust has been broken with 2 ministers i cant even trust them anymore.. to me.. they care about one thing and one thing obnly and that is MONEY..  they dont care about your soul, your life, to help you spiritually, all they care about is what you can give them in money wise.. politics and money, power and money... it is so downright disgracing in front of Gods eyes but it happens to be happening today...

the forum that put me on mod preview first is a suicide forum.  it is for people who post their suicide thinking and all, etc... i am not talking bad about them, cause they are great people there but to take away even pms, which by the way has saved my life by getting a pm from a few friends, was taken away then to me my support was taken away..  i think the admin.. needs to re-think about that and when one does something to get mod preview to post online they should at least keep the pms???? cause sometimes that is the only contact that can keep one alive!!

with no pms. i have no contact. i am BACKED INTO A CORNER..

Rather they want to believe that or not..

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[user=18883]sheela[/user] wrote:

white dove hugs & we do care, i should have wrote yesterday to you but i was in so much pain & still am. Mother passed this time last year on friday and its hurting me so bad that i am finding it hard to write i am sorry.  hugs

Hugs to you too hun..

i am sorry you just lost your mom..

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[user=15510]mofirefly[/user] wrote:

Whitedove - I totally agree that the funeral homes made a huge mistake in having your mom's service on Mother's Day - how insensitive people can be...that day is so difficult for many of us to get thru, and now it's been basically clouded over for you with the sights you saw on that day.  Please always try to reach out whenever the lows become unbearable, like aurora mentioned the 800 number or coming here and letting go of the feelings....and then perhaps once in a while a good thought will peek thru the clouds and bring a smile to your face - when that does happen grab hold of that precious moment and keep focused on it.  Do take care!

I am pretty sure it was mothers day, cause i do know it was on a sunday and it was may 9,1988.  mom passed may,6 1988 and was buried on the 9 th..  i think that is what hurts the most kind of, it is like i cant just let it go...

that plus, about 2000 i met up with a minister and his wife and got baptized in 2000, that was a good thing to do was turn my life over to the lord and the strange thing about it all is the minister has the same b-day as my mom, April, 24 and his wife is the same b-day as my dad, sept, 15.. i took up with them so much, especially the minister and the reason i did i think was because he shared the same b-day as my mom..  but they did not want that and somehow accused me of being to obsessiones with them, you know being obsessed with them and now they cant even talk with me.. that hurts and that is what brought me here to this sight, well to a death site, cause i want to die.. i have cancer and going to die soon anyhow, so why not help speed things along.. its not like he would even care and no one would really..

of course he will turn around and say that he did all he could for me and that is BS. ignoring me does not in any way help ease my pain. in fact it adds to it..

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kelly   

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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