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Papa Jan and doing the right thing.


sermatinger

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My ex boyfriend's grandfather died this past Monday. Even though I broke up with my ex boyfriend in 2009 I still remained very close with his family because I lived with them for almost 2 years. His grandfather was a very good man and I always called him Papa Jan because he was like a grandfather to me. I never got to know my grandparents growing up and Jan was the closest thing I ever had to one. My current boyfriend never liked the fact that I was still so close with my ex's family but it's not like I ever went over there to see my ex and most of the time he wasn't even there I only went to see the family because they also became my family. You live with someone for over a year you kind of create a bond that isn't easy to break and family don't always end in blood. I'm going to the funeral Friday and Saturday they're going to have a private family graveside thing to which I'm also invited. I'm sad Jan is gone but I'm glad he is no longer suffering. He came to my sister's funeral and my dad's life celebration. That's what family does.

My boyfriend is not so thrilled about all of this and he's been kind of acting like douche. Whenever I say something about the funeral or Papa Jan all he says is "word" or "right" which is basically his way of saying "I don't want you to do this and it's pissing me off". It's really hurting my feelings which I tried to tell him but he doesn't seem to understand. He's acting like I'm ruining his week. He says things like "I'm not to happy that you'll be spending the weekend with those people" I mean WTH? I'm not gonna be spending the weekend with them I'm going to a funeral for God's sake. Then he had the nerve to say "Don't expect me to be your taxi driver." Why in the world would I ask him to drive me anywhere when he's being such a baby about the whole ordeal??? I'm the type of person who will let you act stupid, act stupid I don't care because it's not gonna change my decision what so ever. I mean it is partially his fault I never saw Jan before he died because whenever I would go and spend time with my ex boyfriend's family my current boyfriend would get all butt hurt and we'd end up in an argument. I know he's never experienced loss of any kind really and he's basically an only child who got whatever he wanted but now is not the time to be spoiled and rude. I know a day will come when he will experience the pain of loss and when that day comes he'll eventually understand where I'm coming from. Death is a part of life and it's huge part of mine. It's a part of who I am and honoring those that have passed is also an extremely important part of my life.

I told my mom about all of this and she basically said what I said that my boyfriend doesn't understand and I can't make him. But he definitely can't make me back out of this funeral because it's gonna involve my ex. Papa Jan treated my like his own blood, he gave me a home, and when my ex would be in one of his drunken fits he'd always tell him to leave. He even looked at me once and said "He would go before I EVER made you leave." That stuck with me. I mean this man chose someone who's not even blood over his own grandson. Most people don't do stuff like that.

I told my mom that I thought my Daddy would be proud of me for going to this funeral and not letting my boyfriend's rude comments get to me. And she said "He would want you to be true to yourself and do what is right for you." So, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go to this funeral and I'm gonna pay my respects to an awesome man.

Rest in peace Papa Jan. I'll never forget you <3

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Sorry to hear about the loss and the butthead boyfriend. No offense but I would seriously question if you can see a future with someone (long term or even short term) who has such a callous and frankly childish disregard for your feelings and something that means so much to you.

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If it was someone in my family or in anyone else's family he wouldn't be acting like this but the fact that it's my ex boyfriend's family he has to have a problem with it. But when my boyfriend's ex girlfriend of 3 years father killed himself I told him I how sorry I was and that I thought he should go to the funeral. He never did but that's not my fault. I gave him my blessings to do so. He just becomes really immature when it comes to my ex boyfriend which is completely stupid. I just think he's jealous because I'm so close with my ex's family and I'm not that close with his but I lived with my ex's family. I got to know them on a deeper level that comes from living with someone and you don't really get that kind of closeness by going a having dinner with someone occasionally. But my boyfriend is gonna sit with my nephew while I go to the funeral so I'm grateful for that. Thank you for commenting it really means a lot to hear someone else's opinion. <3

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Mermaid Tears

I will tell you what my Grama always told me:

Don't worry what other people do or don't do....

YOU just worry about what YOU do or don't do...

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Thanks Mermaid Tears. Your Grandma sounds like a smart lady! ;)

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