Losing a loved one

[LeanneC]

I lost my mother last August. I am 20 years old but my mind feels more mature, I've had to grow up quickly when I lost my mum just before my 19th birthday. I joined this form to help those who are at the early stages of losing a loved one and to help them through each stage. I know for as long as I'll live without my mum I will be grieving. I want to help others. I find photographs of her in my room, one on my bedside cabinet very comforting and I talk to her all the time. I also have a journal I write in usually on days that are the hardest like Christmas, birthdays or just a general bad day. I write as if it is a letter for her to read and I vent out all my feelings and emotions without stopping to think what I'm writing. It's highly recommended, this method helped me a lot. I'm here to listen to other people's stories and engage with them.

Much love

Leanne X

I wrote a poem the other day too, poems help..

A poem I wrote...

I have learnt something that people must know, the pain of losing a loved one will never go.

Do not expect me to live each day with a smile, you do not know me until you have walked in my mile.

Grief is not something that just goes away, this pain I feel, will forever stay.

I have learnt that all good things must come to an end,

And the pain does not get easier with time my friend.

For as long as she is not here,

I will mourn for my mother,

as her sweet love will never be replaced by another.

I know that I must think in happiness and joy,

Though life has played me like I'm only a toy.

I am stronger but still I am broken, so I wrote this poem, I have now spoken.

Every day I know I will always feel this pain, until I meet my darling mother again.

[DPOP1942]

Dear Leanne C, I just want to let you know that was a beautiful poem. I too am dealing with the loss of my mother, she passed away about 2 weeks ago, and sometimes it just doesnt seem real, sometimes it still feels like she is here with me. I am sorry about the loss of your mother, and will keep you in my prayers. If you feel like it sometime, drop me a line or 2. May God bless you and keep you in peace.

[sogovia]

Hi Leanne

I am new here but i came across your story and thought how raw it still is for you about loosing your mother. I lost my mother 19 years ago now and i can tell you as i am sure you will understand, the pain was unbearable, the cry that came from me was frightening, it wrenched right up from the pit of my stomach with such a powerful force it was frightening. I wrote a letter to her too. It really does help and is very comforting.

My mum was due to go into hospital with an aneurysm on the aorta. Back then, we lived miles apart and i remember her saying to everyone of us siblings "don't bother coming when i have my operation, i will be out of it for days anyway". But that didnt stop me. I boarded a coach the next day, i had bought her a lovely blouse, and a mother of pearl ring and pendent with a beautiful card. She didnt' know i was coming to see her. I travelled all day and got to her bedside around 7 that evening and she woke up very semi concious and the look of suprise was on her face and her eyes. She murmured something like she wanted me to get some painkillers out of her bag, i guess she was in so much pain.

Within an hour the doctor called me into the office and said that they would have to take her back to theatre as they felt she was bleeding internally. After a long wait the doctor came and said that they tried to fix the bleed and she died on an occasion and they had to bring her back. It was awful. The next two weeks it was touch and go. One day i went into the Intensive care unit and tiptoed up to her bed for fear of waking her, i thought that she would need all the sleep she could get to make her strong again. She opened her eyes just as i got to the foot of her bed, it felt like she knew i was there. I mimed to her softly "I love you" and she did the same back to me, it was beautiful but very frightening at the same time, sereal.

She never got to see the presents i had brought for her but you know what, i feel she did somehow. My niece wrote a beautiful poem for her after her death and in fact 2 years ago now, i found my niece dead which was shocking to say the least. Now, they both visit me when i am in my meditation and feel humbled by that. Her picture (my mothers) takes proud place near me and i just wanted you to know that time heals. You dont' forget her, she is with you when you need her all you have to do is just be and think of her, you will always have her. I still cry on occasion now when i relive the time she was in hospital. But i know, she is with me whenever i need her.

Your poem is beautiful by the way!

Sogovia

[sogovia]

To DPOP

My thoughts are with you at this personal time. It really blows me over how when someone has just felt the rawness of losing a loved one especially your mom in the last few weeks how you, in all your pain, can reach out and touch others with words.

sogovia