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ChelseaRaeMiller

holidays are coming up ..!

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Im never excited about this time of year anymore. This was always the time both the families gathered and mingled. But i just don't want to. its not the same with everyone gone. My dads sister died this week, my aunt kellie, of chrons. It's just weird. Going to family gatherings and half them are gone. I don't know if it's normal but since my dad died i don't feel like I'm apart of that side anymore. I feel out of place and dread going every year because the reason i was ever apart of that family is gone. When my dad died i felt that connection was lost. I don't like seeing them cause it depresses me. They all look like my dad .. I can see him in all of them. But i feel super selfish if i don't go cause i know they miss my dad too and i know they love me. I rarely see them anymore so i always go.. But it really just sucks to me. Id rather be isolated by myself then go to any family reunions. It's been almost 4 years, i feel like i shouldn't feel like this anymore. My dads side is older, 70s-80s, i can't expect them to live forever but.. It's hard to endure at 21. I get mad that I'm getting so little time with them.

Then at the same time i feel like a big baby. Buh.

Happy holidays.

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widower2   

I'm sorry Chelsea. Holidays are a time I'd just as soon skip over too. No you're not being a "baby." This is all hard enough but that much harder, generally, at a younger age. I wish I had some brilliant advice or "trick" to getting through it, but just wanted to let you know you're not the only one.

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LeanneC   

Christmas is the worst time. I'm only 20 too and I lost my mum a year and a half ago. Family reunions mean talking about the person and people getting upset which upsets you and plays in your mind for days after. I don't have a magical cure either honey. I've just learnt to feel how I want to feel. Maybe it's best you express how you feel to your family, they will understand and maybe engage with you more or make you feel more comfortable at reunions. I'm sorry to hear about your loss, it doesn't matter if the loss was a day ago or 4 years ago, the loss gets no smaller with time and never be ashamed of that, it shows just how much you love your dad. I find Christmas very hard too, last year I shut myself in my room and broke down. Allow yourself some me time on Christmas.

Take care

Leanne X

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LeanneC   

I see I'm only trying to help :) I don't know your life story but I'm interested to know and to help

Love Leanne X

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MDenise   

Thanksgiving and Christmas are major family holidays, and it's sad when important people are missing. My mom and my sister had been missing for years, since 2004 and 2005, respectively. Now it is about to be the first Thanksgiving without Dad, also. The holidays were me and two other sisters and Dad for years. I enjoyed my dad's company, plus he actually had been the cook.

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lemc87   

I don't want to celebrate Christmas, but I know my mom would want me to. That's the way I view it. My mom loved Christmas and she would be so disappointed if we didn't try. The day before she passed, she was telling me how she was so excited for Christmas and how she already bought me a present. This time of year, she would be anxiously waiting to put up her decorations.

I'm in Canada, so we've already celebrated Thanksgiving, which was the weekend she died. Being around family made this event tolerable. Of course we all felt a little empty without her there, but we managed because that's what she would have wanted.

Do what you feel you need to hun. Don't feel like a "baby." You have every right to feel the way you do. Being around family can sometimes be a blessing in disguise.

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My Dad passed away 08/27/2013. It will be three months soon. I too am dreading the holidays. I dont feel like doing anything at all. My Mom is actually right there with me. She doesnt feel like celebrating either. My brother on the other hand does want to keep our usual tradition going. I dont know what to do. I wouldnt want him to be without my Mom or I. I havent decided I guess... I wish i could just close my eyes and let this holiday season just pass right on by.

I feel an extreme sadness and I dont feel like mingling with people, I dont feel like laughing... and although I know people care, I dont feel like talking to each and every person about how Im feeling. I know everyone is going to be asking. I dont want to shop for Christmas... I just dont want to do any of it. I know my Dad would have wanted for us to just go on "normally" but nothing is normal anymore. I huge part of my heart is now gone. I miss him so much and nothing will ever be the same again. My Mom feels the same way if not worse... They were happily married for 30 years! My Dad was her everything. We try each and every day to be "ok". Its just so hard... :unsure:

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Thanks everyone. I have empathy with what you're all feeling. Part of me thinks i should celebrate because i don't want others to hurt anymore. They've hurt enough. I know me not going would empty another void. I don't want that. And part of me feels like i would enjoy it if i just let myself. But then there's the selfish part of me that says just stay home because it all simply just hurts me. And not much of my family understands that. Which makes me feel like a terrible person because its not all about me.

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