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Sister Dying of Cancer..


Sole-Mate

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Hi..

I'm new to this whole forum thing, but am unsure who to talk to about all of the feelings I have been having, My sister is 20yo and is battling cancer. She was diagnosed at age 12 and has been in remission up until a few months ago. Her cancer is back, and it's back with avengence. It has spread throughtout her brain and is now in her cerebellum which is causing her to have trouble walking. I am overwrought with guilt because my husband and I recently moved 2.5 hours away from our hometown and I am not able to be there like i want to be.I cannot help my aging parents, give my Mom a hug on her bad days, or even sit with my sister to give them a break from the daunting days, I feel alone and stranded with my pain. Often times I hold my feeling in or lash out on a loved one, neither are very helpful. I can't imagine life with my parents being heart broken. I feel as if I can deal with her death, but not the feelings afterward. I dont want her to suffer, I dont want her to fall, I dont want her to forget everything shes seen or heard in the last 10mins, I just want her to be ok, resting, in no pain or sorrow.. but where will that leave the rest of us? What will happen to our family when she's gone? The docs are trying some "experimental" things, but I dont feel very hopeful. I pray that they can take this cancer away once more, but feel as if it has progressed beyond their control. I dont understand why there isnt a cure or why certian people get cancer. I dont understand why shes the one who has cancer, we are made up of the same DNA, am I doomed? is this my future? I have so many questions but no answers. I would love to hear any advice or tips on dealing with this. it seems utterly impossible...

Stephanie

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I can give you a story if that will help and you can find truth in the meaning. My wife was your sisters age and had cancer. She was slated to die, but a regimen of mustard chemo and radiation saved her at that point. She lived many years; had dreams; suffered constantly due to health problems; she persevered and was a delightful person for the rest of her life. She had cancer again and defeated it. Each new disease or issue was a challenge; she met it head on without as much as a whimper. She lived her life like she was dying as the song goes. She had nine lives and always expected to live past the next challenge. In her last bout it was either she died or had an operation because without it, she would have died anyway. I absolutely had no choice and had to be gone for 2.5 years while she fought this terrible thing. I was there doing my part for her; I was providing the best possible care for her that I could provide; I prayed for her; we talked and communicated as if life was going on without a glitch; we just kept on keeping on and doing our part in this life the best that we could. She would not have had the extra 2.5 years of life it I did not do my part, but it destroyed me internally to "have to do my part", but she supported me and it was a joint decision otherwise she would have passed 2.5years earlier. You do the best that you can; in the best way that you can; and continue to pray for her soul. A doctor told me that I could come home; pace the hallways; and worry about her during her operations or I could support her where I was and pray for her.

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