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Loss of my wife


matthewr

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    I lost my wife and best friend April 25th of this year. We had travelled to Disney to celebrate her 30th birthday and our daughters 2nd. My wife had just give birth to our son 2 months ago and was really looking forward to our trip. We made it down had a great time and were on the way home when we stopped for the night. She was full of energy that night and had a great day hitting a couple of outlet malls along the way. She went to bed that night and never woke up. She had been having some health issues but nothing suggested that this would happen.

    It seems like a bad dream. I keep waiting for her to come downstairs from a nap.

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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband on March 1. He was sick for a long time. Although it wasn't "expected" it wasn't a sudden loss like you experienced.

I have a daughter. I know how hard it is for you. You want to curl up in a ball but you have to go on because you are someone's parent and they are counting on you.

My thoughts are with you.

C

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sorry for your loss..i lost my soul mate in 2004..it was sudden and tragic...i also wated for her to come through the door for a long time..it still hurts sometimes today when i think about it...the best advice i could give to you is to talk to people who have been through it themselfs..it really helped me...ill say a prayer for you and your children...doug

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susanbruce

I am really sorry to hear about your wife. I lost my husband of 26.5 years very unexpectedly 2 years ago.  Your life changes in a split second.  Please do take everyone's advice and talk to other people who really know you feel. Find support groups in your area - try churches, hospices - even funeral home people. They can all direct you to help. It will help you tremendously to talk, just talk.

Take things one day at a time right now, or even 1/2 a day at a time. Take care of yourself so that you can be there for your young ones. You know that's what your wife would want you to do.

One last thing, people mean well when they try to talk to you. They just don't know what to say. They don't want to make you upset and then have to deal with that. Some people just don't say anything because they are petrified that what happened to you could happen to them.

I will include you and your young ones in my prayers.

Susan

 

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alwaysmyjennifer

matthewr, I'm very sorry for your loss. I often feel like nothing I can say will help, but I'm here to listen. My wife has been struggling with a life threatening illness for a few years, and recently her doctors told me they expect she may live only another two years maximum. Take each moment as you find it, and give yourself time to breathe. Take good care of yourself. Always here, Mark

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alwaysmyjennifer

Doug, you said it well, that it's best to talk. This is why this website is here. It's our place to talk with others who understand, who support each other. Through the stages of greiving, and the ups and downs of our emotions, we help each other. I hang out on other forums usually, but I stop in here occassionally. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Mark

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My children are what is keeping me going. I'm thankful that they are too young to understand what is going on.  It breaks my heart when my daughter asks for mommy and when she is coming home. I got some great advice from the chaplins at the hospital and it seems to be working ok.

Fridays are the hardest on me. I can't help but think that another week has gone by with out my wife. I try to keep busy but it doesn't seem to work. I am just tired all the time.

My wife had a fascination with dying. She always told me she never expected to live a long life. In a way it was helpful for me as she told me where she would like to be burried and the type of funeral she wanted. She even told me to make sure Sia's Breathe Me was played. I did my best to follow her wishes. It was hard since it happed out of the country. But I think she would have been happy.

Susan, I know what you mean about people talking to you. Most people just don't know what to say. I was at a work BBQ yesterday and answered the same couple of questions over and over. I could tell people were uncomfortable. But they mean well.

Normally I'm not a big talker in social situations but I find that I have been spilling my guts to anyone who is willing to talk to me. Melissa would always complain that I wouldn't talk in public and I think she would have found it funny that I won't shut up now.

Matt

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hello matt,,i found myself doing the same thing as you,,,i would talk to anyone who would listen..it really started to help me heal..i also was not much of a talker, and now i really enjoy talking and helping others who are in our situation..im glad that you are here on the site..hang in there , we are here for you...doug

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Matthew i am so sorry - this is the saddest story ever - i lost  Mother last year  on June 6th. and thats this friday. it hurts so much

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Life can be so unfair. Melissa had such a hard life. Her childhood was horrific. It wasn't until the last few years that she got to be happy. She graduated from univesity. We got married and had two beautiful children. Not long before she passed away she told me how happy she finally was. She had never had a stable home before and now she had the stability that she always wanted. A home that wasn't going to go away. Melissa was going to go back to school in the fall to persure her dreams of becoming a lawyer. We had so many plans for the future.

I happy that I got to be part of her life and helped give her the happiness that she derserved to have.  No one derserved to suffer the way she did growing up.

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susanbruce

Matthew, you and your family brought your happiness to her life. There is no better gift that you could have given her.  Don't ever forget that. Susan

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Thank you Susan. Melissa gave me the most precious gifts I could have asked for. Our two beautiful children and her love. She was my best friend. This was going to be our summer together. When our daughter was born I took off 9 months of work to spend at home with them and it was the best time and we were so looking forward to doing it again when our son was born. I had another 9 months off work and we had so many plans. We were together 24/7 and we wouldn't have had it any other way. I'm trying to keep my promises to her. I made sure her flower gardens were planted and am rebuilding the borders as I promised. I just feel the need to make the house the way she wanted. Simple things like installing cupboards in the laundry room and cleaning out the garage. All the little things that we finally had time to do...

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