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My best friend my MOM...


dbedell30

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Hello everyone... my name is Debi and on August 28, 2013 I lost my mom. Yesterday made one month. It was unexpected and in my eyes, very violent and traumatic (for her). About two months ago she was hospitalized for about three days. We found out she had pneumonia. They treated and rehydrated her then sent her home. About a week later there was a horrible lighting storm, in which their house was hit two times with lightning and it burnt down. To the ground... and there is nothing left. All of the memories are gone, every memory. Three weeks later my dad called me at work and said I had to call 911 your mom called me and said she was having trouble breathing. Actually her exact words were " baby I need you, please come home. I`m having trouble breathing." When he got there EMS was inside and they wouldn`t let him in. For 45 minutes they did cpr on her, 45 minutes. They somehow brought her back and transported her to the nearest hospital. By the time I was able to get there they were still playing the waiting game. When the doc finally came in they told us considering she was without oxygen to the brain for 45 minutes, she had about a 25% chance of survival.25%. That had to have been the very worst news I`ve ever heard, ever in my life. When we finally got to go back and see her, she was unconscious and unresponsive. I`ve never seen my mom that way, ever. They told us they had to transport her downtown to a better equipped hospital. I thought it was a horrible idea, I didnt want to leave her at all. A lot can happen in that small window of time. When we got downown and were directed to the icu, we heard code blue, I had an eery feeling that it was her. And it was, 2 more times " cardiac arrest." She made it til approximately 6:45pm. We all sat with her and watched the life be sucked out of her body. I held her hand, I loved on her til I couldn't any longer. I was the last one to leave. I will never forget that day, I feel like I can take this pain to my grave. My heart is broken, it is so hard trying to live my life day after day without her in it. I do not have any brothers or sisters, my mom was my best friend. She was always there for me in the hardest of time, when I was down or frustrated or sick. She was always there. And now she is not. How does one go on and cope with the everyday issues of life, without their mom? Cause of death, " septic shock" "complications of pneumonia." Everything I do, everything I see, reminds me of her. Songs that come on the radio, tv programs, the trees, the water, the air we breathe... It`s really not fair. What is life, if the people you love and are dearest to you are not in it? I know she is better now and no longer sick but that reassurance isn`t helping me at all. How does one cope without their mom? How does life just go on? I need her now more than I have ever and she is not here...

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HI Debi, I am so very sorry about the loss of your mom. Coping without your mom is tough, but you do it by concentrating on just getting through the day for now. Cry your eyes out if you want to, or go shopping--there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Be sure and try to take care of yourself by eating and drinking properly. Do you best to avoid alcohol and caffeine--it only makes things worse. We will be here for you--ModKonnie

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Debi, I am terribly sorry for your loss. It is definetely written with much saddness, and emotion. I would say "welcome to the group", but I think we can all agree, this is not a group we would prefer to be members of. For your loss, there are no words I can say, in which will make you feel any peace, comfort, or closure. I know this from experience. You will soon realize (if you haven't already), people who have not experienced loss of their loved ones, will have no idea what to say, nor do, to make you feel better. In some sense, it is as if they are very insensitive, or even un-sympathetic. I don't even know that they intend on making us feel this way, it's just a lack of knowledge, or experience. I learned the hard way, not everyone understands. It is a very overwhelming thing, to lose our parents. The only pain I think could even come close, would be the loss of a child. Neither one, did I, nor DO I ever wish to experience. I lost my mother on September 18, last year, a month before her 59th birthday. It too, was a very traumatic death, and I was with her for the 11 hours, before she finally passed. I watched her lifeless body windle away into nothing.. I will never forget the images, the smell, the interior of the room, the noises, etc.. it's as if life as I knew it had stopped!! Here I am, exactly one week away from her 60th Birthday, and just past a month from her 1 year death anniversary. The sting is STILL very painful, but it does get "easier to deal". Don't get me wrong, I still have moments of complete denial, frustration, lonliness, abandonment, sadness, pissed off, sad, etc........ but I have learned to smile, and talk to her alot. Some would swear I am out of my mind, but I do have a beautiful butterfly that chases me ALOT.... I smile, and say "Hey Mama"..........I pray that you find peace, and please reach out to us all here, when you feel as if you have noone. Someone here, knows exactly how sad you are feeling. Much love, and hugs- from SEMO (Southeast Missouri)

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Hi, Debi:

Am really sorry for your loss. I lost my mom in May of 2012. I miss her very much. We used to talk on the telephone every day. Her birthday was in Decemeber. It is coming up soon. I understand how you feel.

Debb1511

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Hi Debi, I'm New here...wish I could have met you all under different circumstances. But, better then not meeting you at all. I am so sorry for your Loss Debi. I know how you Feel. Your Mom was your World!!! She gave you purpose! She always let you know everything was going to be okay, no matter what the situation was. She always seemed to have everything under control, no matter how much you may have thought things were all Crazy! My Mama was the same for me! We "needed each other, we were all we had" I Lost My Mama Oct 21st 2013. As painful as it was to watch her suffer before she left us. I wouldn't take it back for Nothing! I was there for her in Life & I wanted to be there for her in Death. Please know you are in my Thoughts & prayers.. As are all you others. We have Lost someone so Very Dear to Our Hearts. That No one could ever replace! What we need to remember is they wouldn't want to see us so sad.. IT will Happen & happens to me more times then I can say. But, I do have moments of clarity & that "I'll be okay" and just as I say that? I get Hit again & I'm down for the Count! That is Awful what you had to go thru Debi, with the House Burning down! I Can't even imagine how sickening you must have felt! You Must feel so lost! All those memories. I wish I had some bit of knowledge that could help you in this very sad time of your Life. But all I can do is let you know I'm thinking of you & praying for you & your Dad. How's Dad holding up? The passing of my Mama has brought me & papa closer together. And that I'm grateful for. We cling to each other so we don't drown in our own Tears. Sticking w/this board may help you, with your feelings. Don't Disappear.. Know there's people here that Really do Care.

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I am so sorry for your pain. I too lost my precious, awesome Mother this past summer. I also was an only child, now I am the last family member standing and struggling to understand why. I wish I could tell you that each day gets better. I can only tell you that there are better days and not so good days. Only those that have lost their Mother can empathize with you. I am finding that it is easier to relate to my Mother's friends than my own, as they have been through the tragedy of losing their Mom. I am the first to lose my precious Mom amongst my friends, so they do not know how to relate, what to say or what to do for me. Very sad, as when you need your friends most, they are not there. If you can reach out to your Mom's friends, they are grieving her loss too, and know that you are in a very lonely place right now. I have just passed her first birthday without her, just did her memorial service and now am coming up on my first birthday without her along with the holidays. I am not looking forward to any of this, as I imagine you are not either. We must get through each day on its own merits. Remember everybody grieve differently, there is no right or wrong way!!! Just remember your Mom is a precious angel watching over you. If you believe in angels and signs, she will send you signs that she is with you always.

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LauraLynn4608

Hello, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Unfortunately, I know your pain all too well. I lost my mother on January 22 of this year, and it has been a rough year. Like the poster before me said, I wish with all my heart I was able to say it will get better, but unlike what people say, time does not heal all wounds, you just learn to live you life with the pain you feel every day. Personally, I have days where I can laugh and appreciate my time here, and then there are days where I don't want do anything but lay in bed and cry. Little things can also set off the waterworks, sometimes it's a song (for me its butterfly kisses and amazing grace [my chains are gone]) or going to the craft store and thinking of what my mom would have made. My mom was my best friend as well, and she passed suddenly, it's the most difficult road to travel, most people don't know what to say, or how to help you, so instead they back off, when really what you may want is someone to just sit with while you cry. Everyone stops talking about your mom, and sometimes all I want is to hear the stories everyone has, and how she affected peoples lives.

What I can say, is that I am here, you can message me if need be. Also, get a journal, write your feelings, write your memories, or even the things you wish you could have said. Keep the message and voicemails you may have, while they may be hard to listen too, they help you keep the memory of your mom with you. She may send you signs as well, I haven't gotten my sign from my mom yet, but she has come to my cousins through dreams and a medium. Let yourself grieve, and don't let anyone set a time or way for you to grieve.

Lastly, although this quote is sad, and some may not be able to appreciate a quote from a show like vampire diaries, it totally encompasses everything I felt.

"Because in the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer is not going to make up for the fact that the only thing that you have left is a hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be."

While that may be sad, and pessimistic, that hole will be there, and unfortunately, we just have to learn how to continue our lives with this new hole we feel every day. I hope that with time, you can find peace and be able to continue living, despite how hard it may be.

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I am so sorry for your pain. I too lost my precious, awesome Mother this past summer. I also was an only child, now I am the last family member standing and struggling to understand why. I wish I could tell you that each day gets better. I can only tell you that there are better days and not so good days. Only those that have lost their Mother can empathize with you. I am finding that it is easier to relate to my Mother's friends than my own, as they have been through the tragedy of losing their Mom. I am the first to lose my precious Mom amongst my friends, so they do not know how to relate, what to say or what to do for me. Very sad, as when you need your friends most, they are not there. If you can reach out to your Mom's friends, they are grieving her loss too, and know that you are in a very lonely place right now. I have just passed her first birthday without her, just did her memorial service and now am coming up on my first birthday without her along with the holidays. I am not looking forward to any of this, as I imagine you are not either. We must get through each day on its own merits. Remember everybody grieve differently, there is no right or wrong way!!! Just remember your Mom is a precious angel watching over you. If you believe in angels and signs, she will send you signs that she is with you always.

thank you, you sure can relate. My first birthday, since her passing is the 16th... then Thanksgiving... then Christmas... then her birthday is in Jan plus my sons birthday. I did see a therapist today though. First session since her passing... and she seen my mom for the last 2 years. I started writing to my mom tonite. I think about her all the time i miss her so much.
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