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Trying to come to terms with being terminal and loosing my wife, home and life I knew.


Jesse David & Taylor Mom

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Chano the Great

I have a rare gentic blood disorder and I was diagnosed as terminal last summer. I have developed blood clots surrounding my heart as well as within it, and also in my major vessels leading to and from my brain throughout my neck. I was originally given a year at most but thanks to some very talented, caring and daring doctors I've since been given a little more time. The treatments are pretty aggressive and I'm hospitalised every 4 weeks for at least 8 days and sometimes as long as a month. I have gotten used to the surgical procedures and aggressive treatment and I've givengotten used to the pain too. A few weeks after being told I was terminal my wife cofessed to me that she'd been having an affair and was pregnant with his child. Within a week of that news my dog passed away from cogestive heart failure. I've since had to leave my home and move to new city and move in with my parents, who have been absolutely amazing through this entire ordeal. I now have to make a 4 hour drive to go see my doctors and have my procedures. I've had to leave everything I've known for years and start over at the worst possible time in my life. I'm not fearful of my fate at all. I've lived a great life and done more than I ever thought I would. I struggle with the sadness of knowing how hard this is for my family and how much harder it will get. I have 3 amazingly wonderful children and hate the thought of causing them any pain even unintentionally. I a 20 year old son, a 17 year old son and a 16 year old daughter, and those are tough ages to be under normal circumstances. My father was murdered when I was 10 so I have firsthand knowledge of the things they're facing. The other big thing I struggle with lately is the uncertainty of my situation and having to adjust to that in all new surroundings and situations. I could honestly just use people who understand dealing with terminal illness and all the emotional ups and downs that come with it. Any response at all would be immensely appreciated.

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Chano the Great, It sounds like you are an absolute fortress of strength. You've certainly had your share of struggles, but you've made it through them with a remarkably positive outlook. I'm sure you've probably done this--but have you talked with your children about your terminal illness and what they can expect to feel when you leave them? Have you talked to them about helping each other? Have you talked with a counselor about how anxious you are about the uncertainty of your situation? While it may get harder for your family--I'm sure they are more concerned about you than anything else. As you would gladly suffer for them if they were in the same situation, I'm sure they are feeling the same. How about just talking to all of them and relieving some of your fears? You can come here to talk--We will be here. --ModKonnie

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Chano, I am truly sorry for all of your losses...there are no words that I can say...

I lost two sons, my second son, Jesse, died last October 2012...

So I just wanted you to know that someone read your post and prayed today...

Jesse David's Mom

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I too am sorry to hear of all your struggles and worries. I don't know the right things to say but I suspect just knowing that there are other people out there listening to you, praying for you and your family and travelling this scary road with you might help a little. At least I hope it does. My mom has been given about a month or so to live and she's not at as good a place in her mind as you are. It must be incredibly difficult for you to worry for your family. I hope that this message finds you with a little strength and hope today. My thoughts are with you.

Dawn

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Chano. You are the great! I can relate to much of what you have said. Most of my life has been one big whammy after another. Would take a book to list them all. Will do a brief list. Abusive parents. Son lost hearing at age three. Unknown cause but linked most likely to high fever. Husband turned to drugs in grief and eventually divorced. Daughter became epileptic at puberty. Brother committed suicide. And on and on. On the upside. I went to college because of my sons deafness and became a speech pathologist. I have two children I love. Three grandchildren who light up my life and my husband is a saint. Has been since first day I met him. Treats me like a princess. Now the big whammy. I had a car accident two years ago with spinal cord injury. A osteophyte penetrated cord. Bleeding in spinal cord caused some spinal cord death. Was a miracle I lived and was not totally paralysed. I had swelling in brain and brain stem. I am dying slowly so far. One bad fall or bump can be the end. I fall a lot. My daughter in law says I can fall standing still. Lol. I have unbelievable pain that is almost unbearable about 30 % if the times. If I was not a gods child, suicide be an option during those times. There are so many things you go through when your life is turned upside down. How it affects your family. How it affects you. I try to stay positive but am only human. One of hardest things for me was that it is out of my hands. I always believed if you try hard enough you could make things better. I can't. It may help you to look up the stages of grief. These are not just for death but any catastrophe in your life. Understanding what you are feeling, what you can still expect to feel and that this is normal has helped me many times over the years. And u can go in and out of these stages more than once. I have some brain damage so can't list them all but will give you what I can. Disbelief. Shock. Grief. Bargaining. Anger. Acceptance. I hope this helps you. I hope talking with others helps us both. This is my first time sharing and already feels like a relief. So many things u don't want to burden your family with can be expressed here. You are in my prayers.

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