Loss of older brother while away from home in Military

[PVTFox]

Well..I'm a 19 year old male currently enlisted in the United States Army, I have been in AIT for about 8 weeks, almost 2 months. My situation..about 9 weeks ago the week before Basic Training Graduation I received a Red Cross letter informing me that my older brother had passed away back home..only 26 years old..of course this has torn me up inside and it's hard to focus during my class time here in AIT..I took a weeks leave but still it seems as if it didn't help. Ever since his suicide and the circumstances that surround it, I haven't been the same..Of course I want to continue to be in the Army because I know that would make him proud, just wondering what can help me get through this hard time?

I feel so much guilt inside of me because I never wrote him any letters while I was in basic training..I feel like I took him for granted..all I have left is the last picture him and I took together the day before I left..

[ModKonnie]

PVTFox, I am so very sorry about the loss of your brother. You may have not written him any letter while you were in basic (OF COURSE HE UNDERSTOOD), but you can write him now and tell him how you feel. Writing letters truly does help for some people. You just get through AIT one day at a time. Concentrate on what you need to do. You are almost there. Thank you for your sacrifice and your service to our country. How much longer do you have in AIT? You can do this. Is there a chaplan you can talk to? We will be here for you--ModKonnie

[caw]

Hello PVTFox

Firstly I am very sorry for your loss. I can relate to parts of your post quite strongly - My sister passed away just over 13 weeks ago on my 3rd day of a 3 week intense training period for a new job. The job is a very stressful and emotional one but I shant go into details here. I went back to training the very next day - my body took over and put me in autopilot I was in such shock.

The last month I have been off because it just hit me really hard - even my 4 weeks of isnt really long enough I could easily take months off to try and process this all. I have found writing letters and poems to my sister since she passed very helpful, I am yet to take up counselling, I have also tried reiki and meditation which I understand may not be helpful for you but that's strongly in my background. These helped mainly with the anxiety that followed my sisters passing. I am building up to counselling, do you have anyone there that can act as a counselor or access to one??

The guilt is the other thing I can relate to - I feel like I failed her and let her down massively. That I was a rubbish sister and she deserved so much more from me. I just always thought there was more time to strengthen our bond. I dont know how I will come to terms with this part pf the grieving. I guess 1 day at a time.

I hope you find a way to get through