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Life goes on


KatherineK

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My brother shot himself less than a week ago and it has torn a hole in my entire life and my family. We are all paralyzed by grief and can't get ourselves to do much of anything besides cry and mourn.

But mourning or not, my college courses started on Monday and I have had to leave my family and go to my apartment in a different city and get myself to classes. It has been miserable, I can hardly keep myself together and I can't focus on my work, professors or anything else. I can't do my homework because I can hardly focus on the readings.

I have nothing in common with any of my friends because none of them have ever experienced anything like this, most of them think I should be moving on already and it has only been 6 days. I have never felt more alone and isolated in my entire life.Has anyone else been through this? What did you do to help?

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I have nothing in common with any of my friends because none of them have ever experienced anything like this, most of them think I should be moving on already and it has only been 6 days.

No offense to them or you, but that is one of the most insanely ignorant and ridiculous things I have ever heard. What planet are they from? 6 days? Even as a kid I knew better than that, good Lord. Anyway...

Our circumstances are different in various ways, but losing a loved one has common denominators too; I think most of us have experienced that massive loneliness. There are various things you can try, like:

- see a counselor (and if one doesn't work, try another), or perhaps a support group

- be with family/friends (er friends with a clue) as much as possible

- keep busy with something besides school, like hobbies or sports/fitness, etc etc - anything that appeals

- don't stay in the apt too much and let the walls close in - even just going out on an errand or shopping just to get out or going to see a movie can help

Also you might want to consider either taking a slightly lighter class load or if possible even skipping this term (hopefully that won't be too much of a financial loss?).

Just some thoughts........

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@ kat I know exactly how you feel ,I just started my classes after losing my grandmother focusing on the professor has been really difficult. I feel so lonely and incomplete and cant express my feelings with my friends . my friends don't understand me at all it hurts so much. sorry for your lost hang in there.

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I'm so sorry that your brother ended his life; sorry for your loss, and sorry that he was so depressed.

People find it difficult to know what to say at times like this, and sometimes they say stupid things, just like your friends. Does your college have a counsellor? If it does, then you should speak to them. If it doesn't, then you need to speak to your professor/s, and let them know what has happened, so that they can help you with your workload.

Give yourself time to grieve, as much time as you need. Widower2's suggestions are good ones, and keep coming here for as much support as you need.

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