Lost my mother, very suddenly

[bmor]

My mom passed away very suddenly last Monday, August 19th, 2013. I have two sisters, we are very close. I don't even know where to start. I feel like we are being swallowed by guilt when it comes to my mom. She was only 51 one years old and in terrible health. She didn't take care of herself and we knew it would only be a matter of time before she passed away. She smoked....multiple times she promised that she had quit, but she didn't. We all had a very strained relationship with her. She was on so much medication that our fear, after hearing from the drs, was that she was just going to fall asleep and not wake up because the medication was causing her lung function to nearly cease! We have been in and out of the hospital with her for years. And she just never took care of herself. She lived alone....so I understand it was hard for her to be motivated......but this was over the course of 10+ years that we tried. But now that she's gone, we have so much guilt. Why didn't we spend more time with her? Why didn't we go over to her apartment and just sit with her? We spoke to her nearly everyday but why didn't we take the time? My husband says that it's because everytime I would spend time with her, I would become really depressed afterward because of her state and lack of will to live. But why....why didn't I just spend time with her? I know she wanted that. I know my sisters are struggling with the same thing. We love her, we love her so much. And we know that she loved us the best that she could. She encouraged us and was always so proud of us. She was at all of our sporting events in highschool and every prom every dance. I don't know how to deal with the guilt of feeling like we just weren't with her enough....we didn't take the time.

[ModKonnie]

Bmor, I am very sorry about the loss of your mother. It is hard to deal with a parent's ill health. I wish I would have spent more time talking to my dad when he was ill, but I didn't. I feel terrible about that now, but I know HE knew I loved him. You cannot go back and change things, so just try to remember the good memories and times you did spend with her. Your mother knew you loved her. --ModKonnie