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Another Milestone..and where do I go from here?


Silvergirl61

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Silvergirl61

Today is one year. I seem to have somehow reached it, and I'm not sure how i got this far..but it seems i have. Great credit is due to many of my fellow travelers along this road, for your kind thoughts, and shared stories have given me things to think about, insights outside of my narrowed view, and companionship in some of the awful and lonely hours. Being able to read things that some of you are experiencing, and thoughts you are having about situations that have some similarities to my own situation , have made me feel less as though i am some sort of strange life form on a wrong planet, somehow. It's good to be able to drop the "I'm fine "mask and be just my lost and confused inner me , and know that others here will understand what I mean to say. Sometimes it feels as though the real me, is inside a glass cage, screaming to get out...and the imposter is on the outside living my pseudo-life, nodding it's head at the right moments, and pasting on a smile for the benefit of no-one.

All the words I need to say, just can't come out.

I'm going to try the breaking dishes trick.. I really am. I think it might help!

Sometimes . I listen now to songs he played, and songs he loved..and they say thing to me, that i never heard before. For example..this song (One his band covered) hits me right in the heart tonight.

Sometimes, Blackie and his band WASP offend people with their stage show and the persona that it conveys, so I thought I would warn you all..it's metal..but it's also from a well of deep emotion. You may or may not like it.

Dennis was a musician , for those who didn't know..and he owned a guitar like the red one , and also the one Blackie plays. For awhile, I couldn't stand to hear any of the music, or watch the videos-it was too painful. But now, it is almost like he's here, singing along, and smiling...Metal was always his musical home, that and blues, although he was talented enough to cross genres and styles at will.

Hope you are all ok, and having a peaceful night. Thanks for listening and sharing..nite, all.

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I am sorry you have another milestone to accomplish today! Hugs are with you! Somehow, someway you will get thru it and look back and think "how did I do that?"..the answer, because you didn't have choice! Love & Hugs to you and to your love up in Heaven! From one musician widow to another...

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Thanks Silver, you have given me hope by your eloquent words. Very well written and heartfelt. I'm sure I'm not alone in these sentiments.

Thanks again,

Ern

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MissingDaniel

SG, found myself thinking about you today and wondering how you did on Monday with the one-year mark hitting you. I hope you were able to find some good memories and smiles in the day, and I hope Dennis' presence was strong around you that day. Just wanted you to know you were in my thoughts.

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Silvergirl61

Thank you for thinking about me. I'm doing ok. some clouds and some sunshine, and some very kind friends , who reach out a hand when it gets rough. Y'all are some good people here. Bless you!

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And today marks the last of those first year milestones...we held his memorial service a year ago, on Saturday,the 8th at one of our state parks. Even then I had an idea, that these firsts might be hard..so right then, i reserved the site for this year..for Saturday the 7th, this time, and invited all of my friends and family to come join me for the day if they wished. It turned out to be a great idea, and the fact that people weren't afraid to talk about him yesterday...made it even more special. The memories of yesterday are now a layer over the memories of last year...and once again, friends and family came together, to share laughter and memories, and create new ones. He is loved. We remembered him, we talked about him, and they were all looking for the dragons in the clouds yesterday...and listening for the whispers on the wind, and hoping to feel his presence with us. And he was there...in all those hearts, and on all those minds, and with all our love. He'd be pleased.

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MissingDaniel

Sounds like a wonderful and much needed day for you. I am so glad you had that time to think about and remember Dennis, and be reminded how much he is loved and missed. Have a blessed day!

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Thats beautiful SG and im glad you got some peace from it too. "that which is loved is never gone as long as it is kept in the hearts of those who love"

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