Members Silvergirl61 Posted August 22, 2013 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2013 I am close to the last of the "firsts"..he only lived four days past his birthday last year. I have cried a billion tears for him since then, and I miss him every day. I know he wouldn't want me to hurt like this...but I hope with all my heart, that he knew I loved him , with the kind of love that lasts for always. I have thought, many times, about how very lucky i was, to have him in my life, and even though some days, it feels as though i was cheated of years we should have had together.. I know, that there were times when he could have been taken away before he was, too. I looked at the picture of him in his dress whites, with his arm around his mom, both of them smiling at the camera today..and I realized..for the first time, in many years...they can be together on their birthdays...hers is tomorrow, and the joint celebrations were always so filled with love and laughter..it seems selfish to cry that he isn't here with me...because he never got over losing her, and his birthday always brought tears at some point..because he knew she wouldn't be here to share the fun anymore. I hope , somehow, I'll hear their laughter in my dreams. Happy birthday sweetheart. Happy Birthday, Mom. Love to both of you....This is a link to a video I did to mark the first year, if you'd like to see it. We lost his mom six years ago..and in four days, it will have been a year for him. Some people are so vital and so beautiful, that you never stop loving them. These are two of mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Austykatie Posted August 22, 2013 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2013 First of all, I am so sorry, I know how hard "firsts" can be! Happy Birthday in Heaven to Dennis and his mother! Hugs to you as I know this must be a very difficult time for you! The video you made for him was so touching! I loved the song and all the pictures. I am sitting here in tears for you! Lots of hugs and prayers to you today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Silvergirl61 Posted August 22, 2013 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2013 Thanks- I just used my favorite pictures..the ones that make me smile the most at the memories of the days they were taken. I'm really trying hard, to focus on the beauty, and the happiness, and not let the pain of losing him dim the memories of how magical the days we shared were any more. I can't always win that battle..but sometimes i do...and his memory brings a smile at those times..and even sometimes a laugh now. He always tried so hard to make it easy for me to smile, and used his charm and wits to make me laugh and see the happier things in life. He would never let any problem drag me down for long, no matter how silly he had to be to make me laugh.If it was a situation where he couldn't do that..he would provide whatever comfort he could. He loved me so much- just as much as I loved him. It's what I hold onto, when the pain seems too much, or the loneliness too deep. I remember him telling me, if the worst ever happened, to pretend he had been called up for another mission, where he would be out of contact for an extended period, and to keep telling myself that he was fine, and that we would be together when the mission ended. One day, I'd wake up, and there he'd be. Sometimes, I do that...tell myself, that I'll see him when this mission ends..and we're both at peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members junglee queen Posted August 22, 2013 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2013 My guys birthday was 20 days after he passed away . I had a number of plans but there was no use . He always used to like to help somebody on his birthday . If one of the people he knows would be going through rough time , he would spend the day trying to make the other person happy . The funny thing was that my guy was very bad with birthdays , he always forgets his birthday date . He only knows that its sometime in july . I used to remind him I decided to honor his bday by doing things he like . I went and had one of the dishes he likes , had a drink he likes . I dressed up . I couldn't really find somebody who i could help , so i went and gave some of his clothes for charity , and then i went and bought some food items with the amount of money i would have used to get him a bday gift ,,and gave it to a charity organization . Iam sure that he liked my gift . Maybe next year i will be able to help a person who is going through some problems . And i will for sure plan a proper birthday date . And do everything that makes him happy . So i would suggest that you do things that he likes . If there is a dress he likes to see on you , if there is a place he likes to go to ... Do it for him because he lives through you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissingDaniel Posted August 22, 2013 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2013 SG, your video brought tears to my eyes. I think it is a beautiful tribute to a man you so obviously loved so much, and who certainly loved you as well. So Happy Birthday to him, and his mom, and peace and happy memories to you as you face these last "firsts" in your journey. Thank you for sharing that.Junglee, I think you did perfectly in your choices for the day! Good for you My husband would have turned 40 on September 8th, and I have been trying to decide how I wanted to spend the day, and what would help me and the girls get through it. Daniel always loved the beach, as did all of us, so I am thinking the best thing would be to take the kids there, and maybe release some Happy Birthday balloons into the sky on the day. I have been dreading it, but I think I need to try to find a reason to look forward to it and celebrate it. At least I'm going to try.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted August 22, 2013 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2013 That was beautiful SG. Are you the one who mentioned "dragon"? because the clouds over that rock formation looks just like a dragon to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members needy Posted August 22, 2013 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2013 Very beautiful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Silvergirl61 Posted August 23, 2013 Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2013 Dennis' Nickname was "Draco", or Dragon...a hold over from his navy days. For many reasons, I take those dragon shaped clouds very seriously, as a sign, that my Dragon is still watching over me. That one is just one of many that I have photos of now..but it's probably the most detailed one. The other photos , of trails and landscapes, are places that were special to us- places of peace and healing for a troubled spirit. He spent a lot of time, teaching me to find ways to reach an inner peace, ways to find a beautiful moment or memory in an everyday world. He'd wake me at night..to say "Come with me.. I have to show you something..." and it was always something wonderful.In the middle of a day..he'd say "come read this"or "Come see this"..and the discussions could last for hours, and the memories will last for all my life. He thought it was neat that I have always looked for pictures in the clouds..and we often just spread a blanket, and watched for them, as we talked, and lazed the day away, just taking some "us" time. He found it amusing that I have dragons on so many of my things, and I have little figurines, etc..because I have always been really fond of 'dragon tales" in my reading..and it was my little joke to tell people that with my own personal Dragon to guard me..who needs a knight in shining armor, anyway? He even bought us matching "Guardians of Paradise" shirts..the dragon and tiger yin and yang symbolism seemed to be too fitting, since our avatars were dragon and tiger when we worked together as message board moderators. I guess we never lost touch with those inner children, did we? Kind of a long explanation of the dragon clouds in the video , wasn't it? But somehow...talking about this, has loosened that tight band around my heart tonight, and I'm smiling..remembering just how much we loved each other, and how close we were..and somehow.. I don't feel so alone now. Thank you, for asking about it, and thank you all for watching it, and giving me a chance to share a memory or two. For just a little while..it brings him so close, it seems as though i can almost touch him, and reminds me that love -survives. And the idea of doing something special, to celebrate his life is truly wonderful. So Monday.. I am not going to sit and be sad..but I'm taking that day off , and i will look for that magic moment of time..when anything is possible, if you just believe. Peace be with you all. Silver Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissingDaniel Posted August 23, 2013 Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2013 May Monday bring a dragon in the sky just for you.....and peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members OldGeek Posted August 23, 2013 Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2013 For me, learning to smile again at the happy memories was a key event in my journey. I do wish I had Linda to share those memories with, but I hold on to the belief that I am a very lucky man to have had her love for the time that I did, and looking back reminds me of that. I suspect I may be boring some of my married/partnered friends and family by advising them to live every day like it might be their last day together, but I'm not going to stop spreading that message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Silvergirl61 Posted August 24, 2013 Members Report Share Posted August 24, 2013 ...and that's a message that's worth repeating..because as we all know here..time isn't always something you have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Silvergirl61 Posted August 24, 2013 Members Report Share Posted August 24, 2013 ...and just when it was getting too sad.. I wandered in and talked to some people here..and listened to the music..and now.. I feel so much easier in my mind. thank you...you know who you are! Peaceful moments can come when you least expect them...with a little help from some friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Austykatie Posted August 26, 2013 Members Report Share Posted August 26, 2013 ...and just when it was getting too sad.. I wandered in and talked to some people here..and listened to the music..and now.. I feel so much easier in my mind. thank you...you know who you are! Peaceful moments can come when you least expect them...with a little help from some friends. they really need to make a like button on here like Facebook! I am glad you had the support you needed to get through the day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissingDaniel Posted August 26, 2013 Members Report Share Posted August 26, 2013 Thinking of you today, SG. Hope you are able to get through it with happy memories instead of sadness...and I hope you feel his love around you everywhere you go today. Blessings! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members patsyl Posted August 26, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted August 26, 2013 Just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts today hope you are able to find some peace today BIG HUGS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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