Question about long-term grief and coping

[Rhart]

Hi. I joined this forum about a year or so ago, and admittedly, I've been pretty quiet.

The one year anniversary of my youngest brother's death is approaching on September 14th, and I'm really struggling with this. Emotionally, I'm having a much harder time keeping things under control, and my emotions feel more raw and closer to the surface than they normally do. The closer the date gets, the more on edge and raw I feel. I'm finding this more emotionally difficult than his birthday was, although there was a lot of distraction around that time. For those of you who have been grieving family or close friends for many years, is this something you've dealt with also? Anniversary dates, or certain time periods? What did you find helpful in dealing with this?

Any advice you are able and willing to provide is greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.

[sermatinger]

I've lost 2 siblings and my father in the last 6 years and I will tell you that every time the one year mark came around for any of them I've felt the way you do now. It's a very stressful time because its milestone in your grief and when you reach it it kind of finalizes everything for you. Like one big dose of reality to let you know that this is it and they're not coming back. And after you reach your one year mark it will still hurt for a long time. I donno if I'm the best person to give advise about it because I've never really had a chance to not grieve in the last 6 years because they all died 2 years apart. But what I remember from my brother dying (he was the first to go) if my sister hadn't died 2 years later I think I was well on my way healing by that point. Hopefully this helps. And I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Take care and peace be with you through this tough journey.

[phantoms shell]

Before my sisters passing I wasn't really what you call social since ive been going out more and trying to be more like she was outgoing and she enjoyed crowds. It helped a little. But the one month anniversary was hard. And hats Erie I swear I saw tammy breathing too.

[ripDavid]

I know your brothers anniversary date has passed, but I know it doesnt get any easier and I hope replying can help you in sone way. I know exactly how you feel. I struggle every birthday, anniversary, holiday etc. What helps me is to celebrate my brother. Decorate his grave or a memorial site for him...even if its in your front yard, and do it to the extreme, don't let anyone forget him and for the people who didn't know him, they will now. Post a status on Fb about him, remind everyone to have a moment of silence in his memory, have a memorial gathering with everyone who loves him....have them all write messages on balloons and release them. celebrate his life, his memory and your love for him. Making the loss of my brother as important to the world as it is for me makes me feel good. Never letting him be forgotten, remind people how amazing he is. And the most important thing is don't let anyone make you feel like you shouldn't do something for him or that your methods are 'weird'. You know your connection with him and no one else feels what you feel. No one else will understand exactly why you do the things you do for him but yourself and your brother, and in your grieving process, you two are the only two who matter. Hope this helps.