Hi everyone, new here - I lost my fiance over 2 months ago and his birthday is this Sunday

[Enelra]

My fiance was 33 when he passed away unexpectedly in his sleep and it is his 34th birthday this Sunday. I am dreading it but doing my best to cope with all of these new firsts.

We were together for 9 and a half years (engaged for the last 4 of those). Unfortunately time ran out for us, we had finally set a date for September to get married in Sri Lanka. Our problem was trying to get at least our immediate family in one place as they are spread out all over the globe. We have been living abroad in various countries over the past 7 years, Vietnam was only meant to be one stop on the way - but it was the final one for my fiercely funny, witty, kind, sardonic fiance.

This has been a huge shock to everyone. Just the night before, we were out having a good time with friends. He was in good spirits and things were looking great - after living in Vietnam for 4 years we were making plans to moving onto the next adventure and the next place. The next morning, he was dead in bed. It's just inexplicable and random and I am hating it when people say that everything happens for a reason . There is absolutely no comfort in that platitude. We had a hell of a time getting him out of Vietnam and back home. However, I am so lucky to have such a wonderful and tight knit group of family and friends. While it was hectic, difficult, traumatic - we all drew strength from each other. I guess you have to count your blessings when you are in a situation like this - I work at a university and was able to take a semester off ( no questions asked). We had lovely memorials in both countries (Vietnam and home) and friends all over the world are grieving and have sent lovely messages and tributes. The support and love has been amazing.

I am now back in Vietnam, I have my friends checking up on me. I've gone off for a week's retreat to an Ashram with a focus on meditation and yoga. I've moved out of our apartment we shared and have found a new one that I will be moving into shortly. I go out and can still laugh and feel pleasure at being alive. Underneath it all though, there is a permanent underlying sadness that my soul mate, my partner in crime, the one person who truly knew me is no longer in the world. It is unbelievable. I feel he is still around somehow though, he was always good at making things happen. To make things go smoothly.

While I have friends who are good listeners and very tactful and comforting, none of them have gone through what I'm going through now. While they can try to empathize, it isn't the same as talking to someone who is going through this grief journey. My friends are starting their own young families too and I do look at them enviously. Luke's death has shaken them up, and they say they feel differently about life and aren't taking anything for granted. I'm glad for that gift. I wish we had children, we thought we had all the time in the world. Just so sad.

I thought I would post on this forum, just to meet a few people who are going through their own grief journeys. Reading your stories strikes a cord within me and I am experiencing alot of what many of you have written. Anyhow, we are going to throw a birthday party at his local and favorite pub here on Sunday - so that should be nice even though it is sad that he won't be here to enjoy it.

Take care of yourselves everyone, looking forward to meeting some of you here.

Shanti

[LizzyW]

I am so sorry to hear about your terrible loss, and I wish you all the peace possible in dealing with it. He was so young, and although a loss of someone at any age is terribly hard to deal with, it seems to be especially so at a younger age. Please come and visit with us often, and feel free to join right in on the discussion threads. Bless you.

[andysgirl]

So sorry to hear about your loss. I am new here too, just started to post a bit. My boyfriend was just 37 and I am 34 and I too have struggled watching my friends and their young families have all their dreams come true when my plans and my future has been taken from me. I've had people say to me, you losing him has made me want to move forward with my relationship etc. Well good for you, must be nice to still have that option. For them time moves on, for us, right now, it is standing still.

Take comfort in the feeling that he's still around, I know for me it's one of the few things that keeps me going, knowing that he's here with me and I can feel it.

I'm sure he felt celebrated and loved at the party.

Take good care, it is a long road.

[Enelra]

Thank you ThisIsHard and LizzyW - we had a really good birthday party for him on Sunday, he would have enjoyed it. You are right about time standing still for us, it's coming up to 3 months, I can't believe how quickly time has flown by and yet, how slow it feels at the same time. One day at a time. Take care of yourselve, this forum is a real lifesaver for us all xo