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dsmurph

Can anyone help me?

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HeyJude   

I really need to connect with my late husband. I don't even know how to start in doing this. I have to know from him that he isn't mad at me. I couldn't make it to the hospital the night he passed. It was 80 miles away and I'm pretty sure he had all ready passed by the time they got him there. I feel so guilty. He had been in the hospital for 4 months and was just transferred to a physical rehab. I feel like I didn't spend enough time with him. I spent all the time that I could because I had to continue to work while he was sick. And just before he passed I got really sick and didn't want to take any chances of him catching what I had.

I had no idea how much this hurts me until now as I"m writing it out. I'm sitting here crying and my heart just aches. I have to talk to him, please...can someone point me in the right direction?

Judy

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widower2   

Judy, I'm so sorry - many (most) of us have been where you are to one degree or another, blaming ourselves for not being "good enough" in this or that way, why didn't I do this, I should have done such and such different, on and on it goes and you can torture yourself endlessly in that dance with demons, so to speak. Guilt and grief are old friends. But it's so terribly unfair to you. You no doubt did the best you can and did so much for him, and of course he loves and appreciates you for it. Why on Earth would he be mad at you?

As for psychics/mediums, I don't pretend to have all the answers, but my 2 cents is that the odds are greater of you paying money to someone who no more has the ability to contact people "in the great beyond" than you do - in fact, probably less. Think about it: if your husband was going to reach out to anyone in all the world, wouldn't it be you, instead of someone who claims to have "mystic powers?" I can tell you those are the very last people I would look at if I were gone and trying to reach my loved ones.

And you know what: you CAN talk to him. Any time you want. You may not get the direct feedback as in a normal conversation or as you'd want, but that doesn't mean he doesn't hear you. It's just that I think this life and whatever lies beyond, for whatever reason, are meant to remain a mystery to us until we find out for ourselves, so that might be as good as it gets for now. Key words: for now. I don't like it any more than you do, believe me - what I'd give for even just the briefest of moments with my beloved, if only for just one more hug or just to know beyond any doubt that she's still out there - but it doesn't work the way WE want, so realistically that isn't happening, which I realize can be frustrating and hard as (insert nasty words here) to say the least, but again it doesn't mean they aren't out there and don't love us as much as they ever did, if not more, and aren't waiting for us so one day we can be together again - and this time, forever.

I hope this rambling helped some. Take care and hang in there (wow I wish I had a better way of putting that but I hope you get the gist)

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dsmurph   

He is all around you. Start spending time sitting quietly, calmly. Just focus on calmness. Start noticing sounds and changes around you. Start really paying attention. I think they are always connecting with us in some form, through nature, through words other people might say that had something to do with your grief at the moment and they knew nothing about it. Even 1 word. He is there. Hugs to you.

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sogovia   

Hi everyone, i am new here but i would like to say that when i do my mindfulness meditation my mother and my niece (who are both passed) come to me the most. I think the most time when we relax enough, gives way to truly amazing experiences because we are at our most sensitive and openness.

Sogovia :wub:

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HeyJude   

How do you meditate? I have tried to just sit, quiet, with my mind open and all that happens is my mind runs a mile a minute thinking all kinds of stuff. Things I have to do, things I didn't do, things I want and on and on and on. How do you shut your minds mouth up??? Any good books on how to meditate out there?

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sogovia   

Hi Judy

The secret is to not fight the thoughts but allow them in like a wave coming to shore then allow them to flow back out again. Its impossible to get rid of thoughts and just fighting against them only gives you conflict, the trick it to allow them in and allow them to flow out again. I cant' think off hand of any books but i am sure there are plenty on Amazon. I just made meditation apart of my recovery and now it's part of my life. I do it to gentle meditation music and that helps me focus, i love it! Hope what i have said helps.

Lily :rolleyes:

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Tim   

Jude,

For me, I just go directly to God in prayer and ask His permission to speak with my wife. I then have faith that it is allowed and I speak with her.

Best wishes,

Tim

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