Father is dying and I feel my world is ending

[dlionsfan901]

My father has been battling Stage IV Hodgkin's Lymphoma for the last three and half years. He is 56 years old and long story short the treatments haven't been working for him the last three years. His cancer has become more aggressive and he is becoming weaker. I don't want to say I have given up but you kind of expect something has to give at some point. I am 24 years old and live with my family (our culture is very family orientated) and I am really close to my father. I am starting law school next month but have been thinking about him every day. I talked to my family about deferring for a year to focus on him and help out as much as a I can but he and my family do not want me to do that. He is very proud of me and happy for me to begin law school but inside my heart is burning because I cannot imagine my life having any worth without having my father around. He is my hero and my best friend. I apologize if this came off as one big rant but I have so much bottled in for the last three years and I do not know what to do?

Brian

[Jeff's Mom]

My father has been battling Stage IV Hodgkin's Lymphoma for the last three and half years. He is 56 years old and long story short the treatments haven't been working for him the last three years. His cancer has become more aggressive and he is becoming weaker. I don't want to say I have given up but you kind of expect something has to give at some point. I am 24 years old and live with my family (our culture is very family orientated) and I am really close to my father. I am starting law school next month but have been thinking about him every day. I talked to my family about deferring for a year to focus on him and help out as much as a I can but he and my family do not want me to do that. He is very proud of me and happy for me to begin law school but inside my heart is burning because I cannot imagine my life having any worth without having my father around. He is my hero and my best friend. I apologize if this came off as one big rant but I have so much bottled in for the last three years and I do not know what to do?

Brian

Brian, this is a very difficult situation to find a satisfactory answer too. I am really sorry that you are having to go through this at such a young age.. You mentioned in your post that you have discussed with your family the possibility of postponing your education. I completely understand the anguish you are going through. You of all people know in your heart the root to follow. Just let your heart lead you. Do not spend too much time questioning. It would probably be a wonderful idea for you and your Dad to have some time alone to discuss this. You have already shown your heart by offering to stay to help. He has indicated that this is his wish for you. To move on with your education. Liveyour life fully. This is a healthy and normal wish of all parents. Good luck, my friend.

[dlionsfan901]

Brian, this is a very difficult situation to find a satisfactory answer too. I am really sorry that you are having to go through this at such a young age.. You mentioned in your post that you have discussed with your family the possibility of postponing your education. I completely understand the anguish you are going through. You of all people know in your heart the root to follow. Just let your heart lead you. Do not spend too much time questioning. It would probably be a wonderful idea for you and your Dad to have some time alone to discuss this. You have already shown your heart by offering to stay to help. He has indicated that this is his wish for you. To move on with your education. Liveyour life fully. This is a healthy and normal wish of all parents. Good luck, my friend.

Thanks for your reply. I saw him at the hospital yesterday and that helped tremendously just seeing him. I have not visited him in a week and it really bothered me. We talked briefly about it and he said he wanted me and my sister to finish are schooling as quickly as possible. He told me whatever happens happens and that life goes on. He is such a selfless father and I love him so much. I think it would be best to start school and make time for my father also.

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks for your reply. I saw him at the hospital yesterday and that helped tremendously just seeing him. I have not visited him in a week and it really bothered me. We talked briefly about it and he said he wanted me and my sister to finish are schooling as quickly as possible. He told me whatever happens happens and that life goes on. He is such a selfless father and I love him so much. I think it would be best to start school and make time for my father also.

Your fathers decency shows through in you. He is quite right. Honor him and share this last opportunity together to be filled with positive ways that you are continuing to build your life. That will give him a true sense of peace when it is his time to go. Oh, I know it is so hard. But you will be reunited again in time. Reaching out to you both. Love, Kate

[dlionsfan901]

Your fathers decency shows through in you. He is quite right. Honor him and share this last opportunity together to be filled with positive ways that you are continuing to build your life. That will give him a true sense of peace when it is his time to go. Oh, I know it is so hard. But you will be reunited again in time. Reaching out to you both. Love, Kate

Just an update my father is coming home on hospice and there is no telling when he will go. He talked to me again reassuring me that his wishes for me to go on to law school. I will still make time for him when I come home and before I leave to school. I have gained some strength from his words. However, I am still sad each day and I noticed I do not have an appetite anymore. I have been eating once a day or sometimes nothing. I am normally a person who eats 4-6 meals a day. I went from 205lbs to 194lb in 15 days. I am a tad bit worried this trend may continue, is this normal?

[ModKonnie]

When my father came home with hospice, I couldn't eat at all. I was so sick, and I couldn't sleep. It's totally normal to not be able to eat. Just make sure you are getting something nutritious each day and drink plenty of water. If you are underweight, try drinking those nutrition drinks, such as Ensure. That will help keep you going. Are you getting any rest? I tried each day to spend time with Dad by just asking him questions about his family and allowing him to talk and remember anything he wanted to talk about. We talked a lot about his mom and dad and his childhood. I wish now I had spent more time with him before he got sick asking him those kinds of questions.... ModKonnie

[brucealmighty]

Hi Brian,

I, too, am 24 and am losing my father to cancer. He has stage four, lung cancer-small cell. Your father is very young to be going through this. He sounds like he is very proud of you, and that you are proud to be his son. I wish I had something to offer you because I am struggling myself in the same area. We are told it could be hours, days, weeks... who knows. And I know that feeling, what do you do? , and I agree with ModKonnie in talking to him about what he might want to talk about, family, his past, and I'm sure YOU. It's hard. Take care of yourself, and your family who is also going through this with you. Appreciate him while you have him and make sure he knows how much you love him, which I'm sure he already does. Much love.